Skip to content
  • Home Home Home, current page.
  • Moments Moments Moments, current page.

Saved searches

  • Remove
  • In this conversation
    Verified accountProtected Tweets @
Suggested users
  • Verified accountProtected Tweets @
  • Verified accountProtected Tweets @
  • Language: English
    • Bahasa Indonesia
    • Bahasa Melayu
    • Català
    • Čeština
    • Dansk
    • Deutsch
    • English UK
    • Español
    • Filipino
    • Français
    • Hrvatski
    • Italiano
    • Magyar
    • Nederlands
    • Norsk
    • Polski
    • Português
    • Română
    • Slovenčina
    • Suomi
    • Svenska
    • Tiếng Việt
    • Türkçe
    • Ελληνικά
    • Български език
    • Русский
    • Српски
    • Українська мова
    • עִבְרִית
    • العربية
    • فارسی
    • मराठी
    • हिन्दी
    • বাংলা
    • ગુજરાતી
    • தமிழ்
    • ಕನ್ನಡ
    • ภาษาไทย
    • 한국어
    • 日本語
    • 简体中文
    • 繁體中文
  • Have an account? Log in
    Have an account?
    · Forgot password?

    New to Twitter?
    Sign up
TheOnion's profile
The Onion
The Onion
The Onion
Verified account
@TheOnion

Tweets

The OnionVerified account

@TheOnion

America's Finest News Source.

theonion.com
Joined March 2008

Tweets

  • © 2018 Twitter
  • About
  • Help Center
  • Terms
  • Privacy policy
  • Cookies
  • Ads info
Dismiss
Previous
Next

Go to a person's profile

Saved searches

  • Remove
  • In this conversation
    Verified accountProtected Tweets @
Suggested users
  • Verified accountProtected Tweets @
  • Verified accountProtected Tweets @

Promote this Tweet

Block

  • Tweet with a location

    You can add location information to your Tweets, such as your city or precise location, from the web and via third-party applications. You always have the option to delete your Tweet location history. Learn more

    Your lists

    Create a new list


    Under 100 characters, optional

    Privacy

    Copy link to Tweet

    Embed this Tweet

    Embed this Video

    Add this Tweet to your website by copying the code below. Learn more

    Add this video to your website by copying the code below. Learn more

    Hmm, there was a problem reaching the server.

    By embedding Twitter content in your website or app, you are agreeing to the Twitter Developer Agreement and Developer Policy.

    Preview

    Why you're seeing this ad

    Log in to Twitter

    · Forgot password?
    Don't have an account? Sign up »

    Sign up for Twitter

    Not on Twitter? Sign up, tune into the things you care about, and get updates as they happen.

    Sign up
    Have an account? Log in »

    Two-way (sending and receiving) short codes:

    Country Code For customers of
    United States 40404 (any)
    Canada 21212 (any)
    United Kingdom 86444 Vodafone, Orange, 3, O2
    Brazil 40404 Nextel, TIM
    Haiti 40404 Digicel, Voila
    Ireland 51210 Vodafone, O2
    India 53000 Bharti Airtel, Videocon, Reliance
    Indonesia 89887 AXIS, 3, Telkomsel, Indosat, XL Axiata
    Italy 4880804 Wind
    3424486444 Vodafone
    » See SMS short codes for other countries

    Confirmation

     

    Welcome home!

    This timeline is where you’ll spend most of your time, getting instant updates about what matters to you.

    Tweets not working for you?

    Hover over the profile pic and click the Following button to unfollow any account.

    Say a lot with a little

    When you see a Tweet you love, tap the heart — it lets the person who wrote it know you shared the love.

    Spread the word

    The fastest way to share someone else’s Tweet with your followers is with a Retweet. Tap the icon to send it instantly.

    Join the conversation

    Add your thoughts about any Tweet with a Reply. Find a topic you’re passionate about, and jump right in.

    Learn the latest

    Get instant insight into what people are talking about now.

    Get more of what you love

    Follow more accounts to get instant updates about topics you care about.

    Find what's happening

    See the latest conversations about any topic instantly.

    Never miss a Moment

    Catch up instantly on the best stories happening as they unfold.

    The Onion‏Verified account @TheOnion Apr 1

    New Evidence Reveals Christ Lounged In Tomb For Extra Hour Before Finally Rising From Grave https://trib.al/0JbrG0R pic.twitter.com/6Opvj4nhv5

    7:58 AM - 1 Apr 2018
    • 871 Retweets
    • 3,773 Likes
    • Ben Philadelphia Deal Finder lil 🎃 seaandsun Saville Katz Pollo & Pescado ive got crippling autism Colleen MacBride Lorraine
    56 replies 871 retweets 3,773 likes
      1. PORT MOODY GUY‏ @portmoodyguy Apr 1
        Replying to @TheOnion

        On April Fools does The Onion tell the truth? 🤔

        0 replies 1 retweet 14 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. A.T. Heist‏ @rmw705 Apr 1
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Well deserved. He just went through a very traumatic couple days.

        0 replies 0 retweets 19 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. Preemster‏ @yikes90909 Apr 1
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Holy Snooze Button!!

        0 replies 0 retweets 12 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. New conversation
      2. TomSongs‏ @RealTomSongs Apr 1
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Easy therepic.twitter.com/ImIRKHTG67

        1 reply 0 retweets 3 likes
      3. Niklas K. Lagerstedt‏ @KronanN Apr 1
        Replying to @RealTomSongs @TheOnion

        pic.twitter.com/Pefp5jC1gM

        0 replies 1 retweet 1 like
      4. End of conversation
      1. Josh (sometimes) says sort of funny things‏ @joshisarealboy Apr 1
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Well, going to church is already a struggle. Besides, the later mass usually has the better donuts.

        0 replies 0 retweets 8 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. cathy‏ @cathyxOR Apr 1
        Replying to @TheOnion

        I think that was because that year Easter was before the DST change.

        0 replies 0 retweets 3 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. Mark C. Metzger‏ @markmetzger Apr 1
        Replying to @TheOnion

        It was Daylight savings time.

        0 replies 0 retweets 3 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. Antonio Miragliotta‏ @Ananke1987 Apr 1
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Rise and shine, Jesus, shine

        0 replies 0 retweets 3 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. New conversation
      2. Thomas A Jones III in a Gorilla Costume‏ @JThomasAlbert Apr 1
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Who can blame him? The last time he was out there, someone nailed him to a piece of lumber.

        1 reply 0 retweets 4 likes
      3. 1 more reply
      1. Eric Boreen‏ @ericboreen Apr 1
        Replying to @TheOnion

        The snooze bar tempts even the most resolute.

        0 replies 0 retweets 2 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. Norman Shaw‏ @normshaw61 Apr 1
        Replying to @TheOnion

        It was a Sunday after all...

        0 replies 0 retweets 2 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. Alec‏ @evil_oval Apr 1
        Replying to @TheOnion

        You know, since Jesus took longer than 15 minutes to come back from the dead, we're legally allowed to leave Christianity.

        0 replies 0 retweets 2 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. boingboingbbeep‏ @boingboingbbeep Apr 1
        Replying to @TheOnion

        He later said he was put off by area Atheists, who wouldn't have been able to see him.

        0 replies 0 retweets 2 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. Bob Gerstner‏ @BobGerstner1 Apr 1
        Replying to @TheOnion

        It's not the nails as much as the flogging that really takes it toll on a guy.pic.twitter.com/xiwuEWzLqW

        0 replies 0 retweets 2 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. Kay Gezzy‏ @AlpacinoViruz Apr 1
        Replying to @TheOnion @MrAyeDee

        What makes these folks say shit as this. Trying to get relevance on what they know nothing of...

        0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. Debbernaut‏ @Debbernaut Apr 1
        Replying to @TheOnion

        There was chips and salsa.

        0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. Peter Riley‏ @GPeterRiley Apr 1
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Seriously enough of the Catholic/Christian bashing. Give equal time and go after Islam. Let’s see how that works out for you..

        0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. Steve Roth‏ @SRoth0508 Apr 1
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Enjoyed the calm coolness of the tomb.

        0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo

    Loading seems to be taking a while.

    Twitter may be over capacity or experiencing a momentary hiccup. Try again or visit Twitter Status for more information.

      Promoted Tweet

      false

      • © 2018 Twitter
      • About
      • Help Center
      • Terms
      • Privacy policy
      • Cookies
      • Ads info