Skip to content
  • Home Home Home, current page.
  • Moments Moments Moments, current page.

Saved searches

  • Remove
  • In this conversation
    Verified accountProtected Tweets @
Suggested users
  • Verified accountProtected Tweets @
  • Verified accountProtected Tweets @
  • Language: English
    • Bahasa Indonesia
    • Bahasa Melayu
    • Català
    • Čeština
    • Dansk
    • Deutsch
    • English UK
    • Español
    • Filipino
    • Français
    • Hrvatski
    • Italiano
    • Magyar
    • Nederlands
    • Norsk
    • Polski
    • Português
    • Română
    • Slovenčina
    • Suomi
    • Svenska
    • Tiếng Việt
    • Türkçe
    • Ελληνικά
    • Български език
    • Русский
    • Српски
    • Українська мова
    • עִבְרִית
    • العربية
    • فارسی
    • मराठी
    • हिन्दी
    • বাংলা
    • ગુજરાતી
    • தமிழ்
    • ಕನ್ನಡ
    • ภาษาไทย
    • 한국어
    • 日本語
    • 简体中文
    • 繁體中文
  • Have an account? Log in
    Have an account?
    · Forgot password?

    New to Twitter?
    Sign up
TheOnion's profile
The Onion
The Onion
The Onion
Verified account
@TheOnion

Tweets

The OnionVerified account

@TheOnion

America's Finest News Source.

theonion.com
Joined March 2008

Tweets

  • © 2018 Twitter
  • About
  • Help Center
  • Terms
  • Privacy policy
  • Cookies
  • Ads info
Dismiss
Previous
Next

Go to a person's profile

Saved searches

  • Remove
  • In this conversation
    Verified accountProtected Tweets @
Suggested users
  • Verified accountProtected Tweets @
  • Verified accountProtected Tweets @

Promote this Tweet

Block

  • Tweet with a location

    You can add location information to your Tweets, such as your city or precise location, from the web and via third-party applications. You always have the option to delete your Tweet location history. Learn more

    Your lists

    Create a new list


    Under 100 characters, optional

    Privacy

    Copy link to Tweet

    Embed this Tweet

    Embed this Video

    Add this Tweet to your website by copying the code below. Learn more

    Add this video to your website by copying the code below. Learn more

    Hmm, there was a problem reaching the server.

    By embedding Twitter content in your website or app, you are agreeing to the Twitter Developer Agreement and Developer Policy.

    Preview

    Why you're seeing this ad

    Log in to Twitter

    · Forgot password?
    Don't have an account? Sign up »

    Sign up for Twitter

    Not on Twitter? Sign up, tune into the things you care about, and get updates as they happen.

    Sign up
    Have an account? Log in »

    Two-way (sending and receiving) short codes:

    Country Code For customers of
    United States 40404 (any)
    Canada 21212 (any)
    United Kingdom 86444 Vodafone, Orange, 3, O2
    Brazil 40404 Nextel, TIM
    Haiti 40404 Digicel, Voila
    Ireland 51210 Vodafone, O2
    India 53000 Bharti Airtel, Videocon, Reliance
    Indonesia 89887 AXIS, 3, Telkomsel, Indosat, XL Axiata
    Italy 4880804 Wind
    3424486444 Vodafone
    » See SMS short codes for other countries

    Confirmation

     

    Welcome home!

    This timeline is where you’ll spend most of your time, getting instant updates about what matters to you.

    Tweets not working for you?

    Hover over the profile pic and click the Following button to unfollow any account.

    Say a lot with a little

    When you see a Tweet you love, tap the heart — it lets the person who wrote it know you shared the love.

    Spread the word

    The fastest way to share someone else’s Tweet with your followers is with a Retweet. Tap the icon to send it instantly.

    Join the conversation

    Add your thoughts about any Tweet with a Reply. Find a topic you’re passionate about, and jump right in.

    Learn the latest

    Get instant insight into what people are talking about now.

    Get more of what you love

    Follow more accounts to get instant updates about topics you care about.

    Find what's happening

    See the latest conversations about any topic instantly.

    Never miss a Moment

    Catch up instantly on the best stories happening as they unfold.

    The Onion‏Verified account @TheOnion Mar 18

    Recovering Alcoholic Doesn’t Need Friends To Have A Good Time https://trib.al/s9DuQGR pic.twitter.com/PkYV8VbSaN

    7:13 PM - 18 Mar 2018
    • 197 Retweets
    • 1,504 Likes
    • Gianna🕷 wow nothing creative Pierre-Simon Laplace Anonymous Alcoholic torenthatank shubham rai Darlene Lesmana Pete Vawdrey
    25 replies 197 retweets 1,504 likes
      1. Ryan King of the Monsters‏ @ryanocerous84 Mar 18
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Can confirm: sober for 3 years, zero friends.

        0 replies 0 retweets 15 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. New conversation
      2.  ⁉️ ❓ ‼️ ⁉️ ⁉️‏ @vexelove Mar 18
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Stop sharing the details of my personal life

        1 reply 0 retweets 12 likes
      3. Ben Trolenn and 105 others‏ @BTrolenn Mar 18
        Replying to @vexelove @TheOnion

        But your interesting and we all wanna know more

        1 reply 0 retweets 0 likes
      4.  ⁉️ ❓ ‼️ ⁉️ ⁉️‏ @vexelove Mar 18
        Replying to @BTrolenn @TheOnion

        pic.twitter.com/J2N0r40tL5

        1 reply 0 retweets 1 like
      5. Ben Trolenn and 105 others‏ @BTrolenn Mar 18
        Replying to @vexelove @TheOnion

        I'm trying to tap the image but I don't think its working

        1 reply 0 retweets 0 likes
      6.  ⁉️ ❓ ‼️ ⁉️ ⁉️‏ @vexelove Mar 18
        Replying to @BTrolenn @TheOnion

        HARDER

        1 reply 0 retweets 1 like
      7. Ben Trolenn and 105 others‏ @BTrolenn Mar 19
        Replying to @vexelove @TheOnion

        I'm trying i don't want it to break my screen

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
      8. End of conversation
      1. CirCumSpice‏ @CReTheIll Mar 18
        Replying to @TheOnion

        When I arrived in Denver in 1991 still today one of the best realizations I've ever experienced.

        0 replies 0 retweets 4 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. New conversation
      2. Herpes_Trout‏ @realmiketeevee Mar 18
        Replying to @TheOnion

        I don’t need to have a good time to drink!

        1 reply 0 retweets 6 likes
      3. 2 more replies
      1. New conversation
      2. Sally‏ @_S_a_l_l_y_A Mar 20
        Replying to @TheOnion @_ChiFashionist

        You can make new friends that don’t drink or will respect your decision to not drink...you don’t need to become a hermit...

        1 reply 0 retweets 1 like
      3. Angela Lattuca 🖤 💃🏻‏ @_ChiFashionist Mar 20
        Replying to @_S_a_l_l_y_A @TheOnion

        Yes it was kind of a joke, but i agree, it’s just shifting your universe to let in better things

        0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
      4. End of conversation
      1. New conversation
      2. Paul 'spooky  👻 says' BOOdreau‏ @PaulBoudreau83 Mar 18
        Replying to @TheOnion

        This is horrendous, paints people trying to get past addiction as anti-social, and not even defensible as satire. It's also not funny.

        1 reply 0 retweets 1 like
      3. Michael E. Blackberg‏ @MEBlackberg Mar 18
        Replying to @PaulBoudreau83 @TheOnion

        You had a chance to make it funnier. You failed.

        0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
      4. End of conversation
      1. Nikolas P. Hard ☠️  🌽 ‏ 🐟‏ @haha_hardawn Mar 18
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Not when Mom has my TV binner ready for me at 3:45 when I get home from the shop

        0 replies 0 retweets 2 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. New conversation
      2. Andrew‏ @whompar Mar 18
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Whats it called when you dont have friends but also arent an alcoholic

        1 reply 0 retweets 0 likes
      3. Herpes_Trout‏ @realmiketeevee Mar 18
        Replying to @whompar @TheOnion

        Commander-In-Chief

        1 reply 0 retweets 3 likes
      4. 1 more reply
      1. Robert Furlow‏ @rafur001 Mar 19
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Recovery is an event for one.

        0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo

    Loading seems to be taking a while.

    Twitter may be over capacity or experiencing a momentary hiccup. Try again or visit Twitter Status for more information.

      Promoted Tweet

      false

      • © 2018 Twitter
      • About
      • Help Center
      • Terms
      • Privacy policy
      • Cookies
      • Ads info