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TheOnion's profile
The Onion
The Onion
The Onion
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@TheOnion

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The OnionVerified account

@TheOnion

America's Finest News Source.

theonion.com
Joined March 2008

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    The Onion‏Verified account @TheOnion Mar 8

    Point: All My Life, I’ve Worked Hard, Told The Truth, Been A Good Husband And Father, And Today I Was Diagnosed With Cancer Counterpoint: I Feel Great! https://trib.al/eZ4Ia3T pic.twitter.com/cnkpNzgmIH

    11:06 AM - 8 Mar 2018
    • 333 Retweets
    • 1,242 Likes
    • FIEND the innominate one Pierre-Simon Laplace Janice LeBlanc Tony Scheer Lennonism-McCartneyism Don Morehouse TC brendan kelly and the wandering birds
    25 replies 333 retweets 1,242 likes
      1. New conversation
      2. David Grinberg‏ @DavidGrinberg13 Mar 8
        Replying to @TheOnion

        A little too on the nose with this one, guys!

        2 replies 0 retweets 30 likes
      3. Oliver Sampson‏ @oliversampson Mar 8
        Replying to @DavidGrinberg13 @TheOnion

        No kidding. Satire should involve a little bit of hyperbole; here it's nothing but crystal clear truth.

        1 reply 0 retweets 14 likes
      4. David Grinberg‏ @DavidGrinberg13 Mar 8
        Replying to @oliversampson @TheOnion

        More like bleak, maybe too bleak reality.

        0 replies 0 retweets 13 likes
      5. End of conversation
      1. Alexandria Brangwin‏ @AlexBrangwin Mar 8
        Replying to @TheOnion

        ...there is no god

        0 replies 0 retweets 13 likes
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      1. New conversation
      2. Captain Craptastic‏ @captncraptastic Mar 8
        Replying to @TheOnion

        the world is not fair, and there is no god

        2 replies 0 retweets 1 like
      3. Gabriel Insana‏ @hoodedgardener Mar 8
        Replying to @captncraptastic @TheOnion

        There is a God. If there was no God, then there would be no “good and evil” either because God made the rules that make you feel that something is right or wrong. So without a God, there’s also no rules, and thus everything would be fair. Also nothing would exist.

        3 replies 0 retweets 1 like
      4. CA‏ @CA94350814 Mar 8
        Replying to @hoodedgardener @captncraptastic @TheOnion

        Good, evil and rules are man made to keep others in line.

        1 reply 0 retweets 2 likes
      5. Gabriel Insana‏ @hoodedgardener Mar 8
        Replying to @CA94350814 @captncraptastic @TheOnion

        In other words according to you they don’t exist, and there is no real “in line.” It’s all just imaginary. Puppet strings. Therefore you can’t count anything as fair or unfair, can’t call anyone horrible, have nothing to fight for and yet no reason to not fight either.

        2 replies 0 retweets 1 like
      6. Michael Glass‏ @RantiveMike Mar 8
        Replying to @hoodedgardener @CA94350814 and

        Good and evil, as both deeds and concepts, existed long before either Nietzsche or the notion of "God" came about.

        0 replies 0 retweets 4 likes
      7. End of conversation
      1. G G Griffith‏ @ElectricChimp Mar 8
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Yeah - my father-in-law - a deeply sweet and profoundly giving man - died of cancer-related surgery last year, in his early 60s. Trump lives on, in his 70s.

        0 replies 0 retweets 9 likes
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      1. Robert Strom‏ @rstrom17 Mar 8
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Damn! This one cuts to the bone. I agree with sentiment it this ain't comedy. Keep up the good work. #theonion #onion

        0 replies 1 retweet 4 likes
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      1. Creepy  👻 Jeepy‏ @ScareQuotePro Mar 8
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Horrible people live forever. 🌠

        0 replies 0 retweets 5 likes
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      1. New conversation
      2. Bobbie Young on Trump Train  🚂 🚃 🚃 MAGA KAG‏ @BobbieYoung17 Mar 8
        Replying to @TheOnion @Zigmanfreud

        Is there a point? Some have cancer, some don't. Cancer does not pick good people or bad people. SMH

        1 reply 0 retweets 2 likes
      3.  💀gravegrapes 💀‏ @davegrapes Mar 8
        Replying to @BobbieYoung17 @TheOnion @Zigmanfreud

        Counterpoint: Yes it does

        0 replies 0 retweets 2 likes
      4. End of conversation
      1. georges regent‏ @gaallia1 Mar 8
        Replying to @TheOnion

        LE CANCER N"EST PAS UNE MALEDICTION .CEST UNE MALADIE ...IL Y A DE PLUS EN PLUS DE CANCER QUI GUERRISSENT A TRAVERS LE MONDE .CETTE MALADIE EST ENTRAIN DE PERDRE DU TERRAIN .LOVE ..G

        0 replies 0 retweets 4 likes
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      1. mamadoc‏ @CristinaLete Mar 8
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Ugh

        0 replies 0 retweets 2 likes
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      1. Spookiest Tweetist  👻‏ @Frizzysist Mar 8
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Amazing! I feel better than I have in years, and believe me I've had some great health, some of the best, in fact. Some who are around the healthiest of our lifetime agree and say I'm in excellent health and, like, really fit. Fantastic! My blood pressure just got 10 feet lower.

        0 replies 1 retweet 0 likes
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      1. Dumitru Chirpici‏ @GamingLucasi Mar 8
        Replying to @TheOnion

        R.I.P The Orange

        0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
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      1. Horse McCallany  🇨🇦‏ @DENNISGRIMBLE Mar 8
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Moral of this story: hooker piss is a magical elixir.

        0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
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