Skip to content
  • Home Home Home, current page.
  • Moments Moments Moments, current page.

Saved searches

  • Remove
  • In this conversation
    Verified accountProtected Tweets @
Suggested users
  • Verified accountProtected Tweets @
  • Verified accountProtected Tweets @
  • Language: English
    • Bahasa Indonesia
    • Bahasa Melayu
    • Català
    • Čeština
    • Dansk
    • Deutsch
    • English UK
    • Español
    • Filipino
    • Français
    • Hrvatski
    • Italiano
    • Magyar
    • Nederlands
    • Norsk
    • Polski
    • Português
    • Română
    • Slovenčina
    • Suomi
    • Svenska
    • Tiếng Việt
    • Türkçe
    • Ελληνικά
    • Български език
    • Русский
    • Српски
    • Українська мова
    • עִבְרִית
    • العربية
    • فارسی
    • मराठी
    • हिन्दी
    • বাংলা
    • ગુજરાતી
    • தமிழ்
    • ಕನ್ನಡ
    • ภาษาไทย
    • 한국어
    • 日本語
    • 简体中文
    • 繁體中文
  • Have an account? Log in
    Have an account?
    · Forgot password?

    New to Twitter?
    Sign up
TheOnion's profile
The Onion
The Onion
The Onion
Verified account
@TheOnion

Tweets

The OnionVerified account

@TheOnion

America's Finest News Source.

theonion.com
Joined March 2008

Tweets

  • © 2018 Twitter
  • About
  • Help Center
  • Terms
  • Privacy policy
  • Cookies
  • Ads info
Dismiss
Previous
Next

Go to a person's profile

Saved searches

  • Remove
  • In this conversation
    Verified accountProtected Tweets @
Suggested users
  • Verified accountProtected Tweets @
  • Verified accountProtected Tweets @

Promote this Tweet

Block

  • Tweet with a location

    You can add location information to your Tweets, such as your city or precise location, from the web and via third-party applications. You always have the option to delete your Tweet location history. Learn more

    Your lists

    Create a new list


    Under 100 characters, optional

    Privacy

    Copy link to Tweet

    Embed this Tweet

    Embed this Video

    Add this Tweet to your website by copying the code below. Learn more

    Add this video to your website by copying the code below. Learn more

    Hmm, there was a problem reaching the server.

    By embedding Twitter content in your website or app, you are agreeing to the Twitter Developer Agreement and Developer Policy.

    Preview

    Why you're seeing this ad

    Log in to Twitter

    · Forgot password?
    Don't have an account? Sign up »

    Sign up for Twitter

    Not on Twitter? Sign up, tune into the things you care about, and get updates as they happen.

    Sign up
    Have an account? Log in »

    Two-way (sending and receiving) short codes:

    Country Code For customers of
    United States 40404 (any)
    Canada 21212 (any)
    United Kingdom 86444 Vodafone, Orange, 3, O2
    Brazil 40404 Nextel, TIM
    Haiti 40404 Digicel, Voila
    Ireland 51210 Vodafone, O2
    India 53000 Bharti Airtel, Videocon, Reliance
    Indonesia 89887 AXIS, 3, Telkomsel, Indosat, XL Axiata
    Italy 4880804 Wind
    3424486444 Vodafone
    » See SMS short codes for other countries

    Confirmation

     

    Welcome home!

    This timeline is where you’ll spend most of your time, getting instant updates about what matters to you.

    Tweets not working for you?

    Hover over the profile pic and click the Following button to unfollow any account.

    Say a lot with a little

    When you see a Tweet you love, tap the heart — it lets the person who wrote it know you shared the love.

    Spread the word

    The fastest way to share someone else’s Tweet with your followers is with a Retweet. Tap the icon to send it instantly.

    Join the conversation

    Add your thoughts about any Tweet with a Reply. Find a topic you’re passionate about, and jump right in.

    Learn the latest

    Get instant insight into what people are talking about now.

    Get more of what you love

    Follow more accounts to get instant updates about topics you care about.

    Find what's happening

    See the latest conversations about any topic instantly.

    Never miss a Moment

    Catch up instantly on the best stories happening as they unfold.

    The Onion‏Verified account @TheOnion Mar 7

    Man Forced To Reverse-Engineer Point In Midst Of Meandering, Absentminded Rant https://trib.al/GlLRPG6 pic.twitter.com/OxcAjFebbX

    7:20 PM - 7 Mar 2018
    • 331 Retweets
    • 2,135 Likes
    • Nicky Blue Peoplescape Search Icy Christopher Price Echo Lawrence Scott Lynch Garrett Harle ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ ty
    23 replies 331 retweets 2,135 likes
      1. SpacePeaceCorpsVol‏ @BenShipbuilder Mar 7
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Hits a little close to home.

        0 replies 0 retweets 8 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. New conversation
      2. areola grande‏ @stackhousemma Mar 7
        Replying to @TheOnion

        @blaire44 @joeli_koenig Charlie last Friday

        2 replies 0 retweets 2 likes
      3. Rachel Blair‏ @blaire44 Mar 7
        Replying to @stackhousemma @TheOnion @joeli_koenig

        @EmmaStackhouse @joeli_koenig 😂😂

        0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
      4. End of conversation
      1. Jensenator‏ @ljensenator Mar 7
        Replying to @TheOnion

        I’ve never read a headline that more closely relates to my life.

        0 replies 0 retweets 2 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. M J Berzinsky‏ @BerzinskyM Mar 7
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Sounds strikingly like a certain president... 🤔

        0 replies 0 retweets 2 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. CapitalWhiteGuy‏ @UnsafeNSpace Mar 7
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Nooooo I TOLD YOU i made a great point you just didn’t get it

        0 replies 0 retweets 2 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. Peter Mullenix‏ @Pmullenix Mar 7
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Been there.

        0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. John McRae‏ @McrazyR Mar 7
        Replying to @TheOnion

        And look at the entranced woman listening to him!

        0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. Ken van horn‏ @Kenvanhorn2 Mar 8
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Was he drunk?

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. Jeremy Edwards‏ @J_Roc1971 Mar 8
        Replying to @TheOnion

        This is what happens after I smoke a fattie.pic.twitter.com/yfJvodYTPU

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. Now is the spoop of spoop content‏ @NoDecentContent Mar 8
        Replying to @TheOnion

        I thought this was meant to be satire, this is just truth

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. Stein Bagger‏ @stein_bagger Mar 8
        Replying to @TheOnion

        funny, I don't remember Trump being this young and handsome ever...?

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. ZeDo‏ @zedogica Mar 8
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Literally me every time

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. Joe McCann‏ @Joebocop Mar 7
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Oh man, tell me about it

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. Todd Beam‏ @toddb2k Mar 7
        Replying to @TheOnion

        HEY!

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. PortmanteauMyGod‏ @JackieOsGlasses Mar 7
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Why don't you just come right out and @ me

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1.  🏳️‍🌈Carl Thomas 🏳️‍🌈‏ @wirrlyBird75 Mar 7
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Sounds like a lot of republicans i have been trolled by lately...

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. Tony D‏ @biff725 Mar 7
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Oh right baby I wasn't really starring at her ass, it just bumped in it my dick, I mean she was asking for my phone number and when I said I was in a relationship it bumped in to my dick, I mean tomorrow you get those new high heels that you can't pay for. lol

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. Gabriel Insana‏ @hoodedgardener Mar 7
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Something about coffee, marriage, and fishing

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. Desperately Mediocre‏ @dangblasted34 Mar 7
        Replying to @TheOnion

        This of course open the portal to the discussion pivoting into another hour of unrelated drivel.

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo

    Loading seems to be taking a while.

    Twitter may be over capacity or experiencing a momentary hiccup. Try again or visit Twitter Status for more information.

      Promoted Tweet

      false

      • © 2018 Twitter
      • About
      • Help Center
      • Terms
      • Privacy policy
      • Cookies
      • Ads info