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TheOnion's profile
The Onion
The Onion
The Onion
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@TheOnion

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Joined March 2008

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    The Onion‏Verified account @TheOnion Feb 27

    Kidnappers Realize They Have No Idea What Child Is Worth https://trib.al/iSsbrMk pic.twitter.com/mDAYv4OKXl

    8:11 PM - 27 Feb 2018
    • 136 Retweets
    • 1,151 Likes
    • Liam Pierre-Simon Laplace Victoria Hawk Kevin Couzins bastard Reed Ocheltree Halloween Ninethousand I'mGivingYouADRAGONZORD DeJuan
    20 replies 136 retweets 1,151 likes
      1. Count Snaccula‏ @EhEhRon85 Feb 27
        Replying to @TheOnion

        $22

        0 replies 0 retweets 10 likes
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      1. Driver Nephi‏ @NickelONickel Feb 27
        Replying to @TheOnion

        about tree fitty for eyes set apart that far

        0 replies 0 retweets 5 likes
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      1. Lee Takamiya‏ @leet793 Feb 27
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Start with the Kelly blue book value. What condition is he in!

        0 replies 0 retweets 3 likes
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      1. New conversation
      2. Stephen Richey‏ @4N6Steve Feb 27
        Replying to @TheOnion

        I'm just here to see the savage MFers go head to head with the overprotective parents who take offense...pic.twitter.com/PtlJKsVXJX

        1 reply 0 retweets 5 likes
      3. 1 more reply
      1. Scott‏ @scottk1350 Feb 27
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Area Dingo wants a milk treat.

        0 replies 0 retweets 2 likes
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      1. Justin Huhn‏ @mrjustinhuhn Feb 27
        Replying to @TheOnion

        🙊 fuckin dark. Feel bad for laughing 😂

        0 replies 0 retweets 2 likes
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      1. Not Anthony‏ @notanthony69 Feb 28
        Replying to @TheOnion

        I think they were gamestop employees

        0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
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      1. max358‏ @max358 Feb 27
        Replying to @TheOnion

        differential pricing? it’s all the rage with cars, airline tickets & whatnot.

        0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
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      1. Fred Fredburger‏ @KaBucchi Feb 27
        Replying to @TheOnion

        According to Planned Parenthood they’re worth more in pieces than they are in this current iteration.

        0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
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      1. Petey Isom‏ @PeteyIsom Feb 27
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Kidnapping is much more work than a kid napping. Unless you gave him sugar. Hide the candy and bag the mom.

        0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
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      1. Jacob‏ @Skippayyy Feb 27
        Replying to @TheOnion

        pic.twitter.com/n8A4jGNZvu

        0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
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      1. boingboingbbeep‏ @boingboingbbeep Feb 28
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Area criminal returns kid after fortune 500 search returns nothing.

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
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      1. Mr. Brightside‏ @hardball1018 Feb 28
        Replying to @TheOnion

        According 2 #Trump they have NO value after they are born

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
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      1. Pawtiko‏ @Pawtiko Feb 28
        Replying to @TheOnion

        This is the funniest Onion article I've read in a long time. Great work.

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
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      1. Eleven. That's Ridiculous‏ @CountAlabster Feb 27
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Negative $200,000.

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
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      1. Dapper Lad  🍀‏ @TooWillTooGood Feb 27
        Replying to @TheOnion

        They clearly don't have an ex-wife lol

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
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      1.  👻Ghost of Mike Huckabee's Dog 👻‏ @MikeMcDonald83 Feb 27
        Replying to @TheOnion

        (parent's net worth x .35) + (parent's liquidity x 4). Liquidity coefficient (as we call it in the biz) can be adjusted based based on available credit lines. yw

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
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