Skip to content
  • Home Home Home, current page.
  • Moments Moments Moments, current page.

Saved searches

  • Remove
  • In this conversation
    Verified accountProtected Tweets @
Suggested users
  • Verified accountProtected Tweets @
  • Verified accountProtected Tweets @
  • Language: English
    • Bahasa Indonesia
    • Bahasa Melayu
    • Català
    • Čeština
    • Dansk
    • Deutsch
    • English UK
    • Español
    • Filipino
    • Français
    • Hrvatski
    • Italiano
    • Magyar
    • Nederlands
    • Norsk
    • Polski
    • Português
    • Română
    • Slovenčina
    • Suomi
    • Svenska
    • Tiếng Việt
    • Türkçe
    • Ελληνικά
    • Български език
    • Русский
    • Српски
    • Українська мова
    • עִבְרִית
    • العربية
    • فارسی
    • मराठी
    • हिन्दी
    • বাংলা
    • ગુજરાતી
    • தமிழ்
    • ಕನ್ನಡ
    • ภาษาไทย
    • 한국어
    • 日本語
    • 简体中文
    • 繁體中文
  • Have an account? Log in
    Have an account?
    · Forgot password?

    New to Twitter?
    Sign up
TheOnion's profile
The Onion
The Onion
The Onion
Verified account
@TheOnion

Tweets

The OnionVerified account

@TheOnion

America's Finest News Source.

theonion.com
Joined March 2008

Tweets

  • © 2018 Twitter
  • About
  • Help Center
  • Terms
  • Privacy policy
  • Cookies
  • Ads info
Dismiss
Previous
Next

Go to a person's profile

Saved searches

  • Remove
  • In this conversation
    Verified accountProtected Tweets @
Suggested users
  • Verified accountProtected Tweets @
  • Verified accountProtected Tweets @

Promote this Tweet

Block

  • Tweet with a location

    You can add location information to your Tweets, such as your city or precise location, from the web and via third-party applications. You always have the option to delete your Tweet location history. Learn more

    Your lists

    Create a new list


    Under 100 characters, optional

    Privacy

    Copy link to Tweet

    Embed this Tweet

    Embed this Video

    Add this Tweet to your website by copying the code below. Learn more

    Add this video to your website by copying the code below. Learn more

    Hmm, there was a problem reaching the server.

    By embedding Twitter content in your website or app, you are agreeing to the Twitter Developer Agreement and Developer Policy.

    Preview

    Why you're seeing this ad

    Log in to Twitter

    · Forgot password?
    Don't have an account? Sign up »

    Sign up for Twitter

    Not on Twitter? Sign up, tune into the things you care about, and get updates as they happen.

    Sign up
    Have an account? Log in »

    Two-way (sending and receiving) short codes:

    Country Code For customers of
    United States 40404 (any)
    Canada 21212 (any)
    United Kingdom 86444 Vodafone, Orange, 3, O2
    Brazil 40404 Nextel, TIM
    Haiti 40404 Digicel, Voila
    Ireland 51210 Vodafone, O2
    India 53000 Bharti Airtel, Videocon, Reliance
    Indonesia 89887 AXIS, 3, Telkomsel, Indosat, XL Axiata
    Italy 4880804 Wind
    3424486444 Vodafone
    » See SMS short codes for other countries

    Confirmation

     

    Welcome home!

    This timeline is where you’ll spend most of your time, getting instant updates about what matters to you.

    Tweets not working for you?

    Hover over the profile pic and click the Following button to unfollow any account.

    Say a lot with a little

    When you see a Tweet you love, tap the heart — it lets the person who wrote it know you shared the love.

    Spread the word

    The fastest way to share someone else’s Tweet with your followers is with a Retweet. Tap the icon to send it instantly.

    Join the conversation

    Add your thoughts about any Tweet with a Reply. Find a topic you’re passionate about, and jump right in.

    Learn the latest

    Get instant insight into what people are talking about now.

    Get more of what you love

    Follow more accounts to get instant updates about topics you care about.

    Find what's happening

    See the latest conversations about any topic instantly.

    Never miss a Moment

    Catch up instantly on the best stories happening as they unfold.

    The Onion‏Verified account @TheOnion Feb 25

    3M Introduces New Line Of Protective Foam Eye Plugs https://trib.al/xvBXlQx pic.twitter.com/eQHXs04qq1

    9:35 AM - 25 Feb 2018
    • 308 Retweets
    • 1,582 Likes
    • My Book Cushion PETAR ZVONIMIR JAKOVAC Lili Mahan Pierre-Simon Laplace Reed Ocheltree Parisianmusic Бог велик thelastwrites Katamari // Austin
    44 replies 308 retweets 1,582 likes
      1. Angry Moderate 2020‏ @PaulWartenberg Feb 25
        Replying to @TheOnion

        I can't UNSEE THAT PHOTO. (shoves the foam eye plugs into own eyes) Oh, good, now I can.

        0 replies 0 retweets 10 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. Layce Gardner‏ @LayceGardner Feb 25
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Where were these when trump took office?

        0 replies 0 retweets 5 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. New conversation
      2. Thomas Kee‏ @generalevilg Feb 25
        Replying to @TheOnion

        pic.twitter.com/75TXTo1zwj

        1 reply 1 retweet 4 likes
      3. 1 more reply
      1. Terrydactyl Gal‏ @terridacty_l Feb 25
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Probably one of the more disturbing tweets from The Onion, lol

        0 replies 0 retweets 3 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. alice‏ @mintzina Feb 25
        Replying to @TheOnion

        but do they come in pink so I can wear them while I'm on my period?

        0 replies 0 retweets 4 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. J.D. Dogg™‏ @J_D_Dogg Feb 25
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Take my money, @3M!

        0 replies 0 retweets 4 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. Seamas‏ @seamascass Feb 25
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Do they protect the wearer from having to see the truth? #SundayTODAY

        0 replies 0 retweets 2 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. Your Dad 🇺🇸‏ @eaglefartz Feb 25
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Mandatory twitter safety equipment 2018

        0 replies 0 retweets 2 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. Raise a Ruckus‏ @sksrph Feb 25
        Replying to @TheOnion

        OMG! Been waiting for these things all my life! Running out to stand in line for mine now! 😜

        0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. Sugar Booger  🐶‏ @tommitom24 Feb 25
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Other senses heightened. Excellent.

        0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. Thomas Ian Russell‏‏ @ThomasIanRusse5 Feb 25
        Replying to @TheOnion

        This is wonderful news! Usually when I compliment a woman on her beautiful yellow eyes, she has jaundice! Now I can compliment her intelligence for using hearing protection in her eyes! I can hardly wait for my wife to get those new yellow butt plugs!

        0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. HeisenbergHattie‏ @HBergHattie Feb 25
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Does it come with X-ray vision capability?

        0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. Bob Gerstner‏ @BobGerstner1 Feb 25
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Saw that coming the second someone at the office mentioned watching Fox News!

        0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. Squampkin Spice  👻 🎃‏ @squam0 Feb 25
        Replying to @TheOnion

        pic.twitter.com/tG2q7ffkhK

        0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. Creepy  👻 Jeepy‏ @ScareQuotePro Feb 26
        Replying to @TheOnion

        I like how they match her hair, and her blonde roast tall with room for cream. This picture is truly making America great again, because it's the white as fuck nightmare.

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. Its_me_DBT‏ @DBTINC Feb 26
        Replying to @TheOnion

        a needed product given some of the highly toxic dreck seen here and on TV.

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. Mal Hombre‏ @HowlsAtFullMoon Feb 25
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Needed for social media.

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. Maryl Vita‏ @IllCaesar Feb 25
        Replying to @TheOnion

        These are good for browsing my timeline.

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo

    Loading seems to be taking a while.

    Twitter may be over capacity or experiencing a momentary hiccup. Try again or visit Twitter Status for more information.

      Promoted Tweet

      false

      • © 2018 Twitter
      • About
      • Help Center
      • Terms
      • Privacy policy
      • Cookies
      • Ads info