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    The Onion‏Verified account @TheOnion Feb 11

    God Recalls 1983 Speedboat Accident That Sent Him To Heaven https://trib.al/Fqogq1h pic.twitter.com/ld8HFYI0mw

    12:47 PM - 11 Feb 2018
    • 185 Retweets
    • 1,072 Likes
    • Harkirat Singh *Heavy Breeding* Pierre-Simon Laplace Carter Smith™ Eddie Marano The Muppet Devil. Karen Tyler Vinny Muscarella P G Antioch
    12 replies 185 retweets 1,072 likes
      1. Nerf Guns‏ @ProKidAntiGun Feb 11
        Replying to @TheOnion

        That's not my God. My God died in a helicopter crash. My God that was awful.

        0 replies 0 retweets 5 likes
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      1. New conversation
      2. AttyJ‏ @AttyJ Feb 11
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Of course you racist sexists depict God as a White man! #resist #AltLeft #Resistance

        1 reply 0 retweets 0 likes
      3.  ⚜the patron saint of slapping ⚜‏ @ImDJTaha Feb 11
        Replying to @AttyJ @TheOnion

        good bait

        0 replies 0 retweets 4 likes
      4. End of conversation
      1. MrBig96‏ @LessGruntled Feb 11
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Preach!!!...

        0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
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      1. Danny Menul‏ @dannymenul Feb 11
        Replying to @TheOnion

        What an exciting scp-343 interview

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
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      1. Bill Parks‏ @HemiBParks Feb 11
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Personally, I rather be dead than be seen on a Jr. Executive 21 JRV

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
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      1. Josh Cuéllar 🤷🏽‍♂️ 👻‏ @JoshuaCuellar Feb 11
        Replying to @TheOnion

        God sits in Heaven awaiting the sinless one or group of sinless ones. But his own Holy book says none are righteous and only the righteous may enter heaven. That speedboat accident was no accident. He deserves what he got for writing such a convoluted book nobody could read.

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
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      1. Josh Cuéllar 🤷🏽‍♂️ 👻‏ @JoshuaCuellar Feb 11
        Replying to @TheOnion

        The Romans then summarily executed him and the emperor absolved himself of any wrong doing since he actually owned everything including Mary and Joseph. Prior to his sentence, they paid Judas the Jew to turn him in and give him the kiss of death on his cheek...

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
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      1. Josh Cuéllar 🤷🏽‍♂️ 👻‏ @JoshuaCuellar Feb 11
        Replying to @TheOnion

        After impregnating Mary who was betrothed to Joseph the peaceful carpenter. He allowed Satan to tempt his half bred son with all the riches of Earth that should have belonged to Jacobs dencendents. Jesus refused saying "haha never" ...

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
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      1. We Gonna Be Alright‏ @RobFromSac Feb 11
        Replying to @TheOnion

        The boat:pic.twitter.com/oNwp6bCAeB

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
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      1. New conversation
      2. Josh Cuéllar 🤷🏽‍♂️ 👻‏ @JoshuaCuellar Feb 11
        Replying to @TheOnion

        He gave the Earth to Adam, then Abraham, then gave Satan dominion over the sky which contains the oxygen particles we breath. He was forced to bless Jacob after Jacob held em down after a night fight. God had to leave before the sun rose so He complied with Jacobs orders...

        1 reply 0 retweets 0 likes
      3. StinkinYouthPastor‏ @ThatStinkinYP Feb 11
        Replying to @JoshuaCuellar @TheOnion

        Loving these quotes from “How to Grossly Misinterpret the Bible: Volumes I-IV.”

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
      4. End of conversation
      1. New conversation
      2. Petey Isom‏ @PeteyIsom Feb 11
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Are talking about the movie Speed 2 because I think that killed us all a little. If a boat explodes on the water does it even make a wave?

        1 reply 0 retweets 0 likes
      3. Petey Isom‏ @PeteyIsom Feb 11
        Replying to @PeteyIsom @TheOnion

        I dropped the you from my previous post as not to refer to you directly which doesn't make sense and makes my post unprofessional.

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
      4. End of conversation
      1. The Grey Man‏ @GreyConscience Feb 11
        Replying to @TheOnion

        "Wine coolers?" Was this how he cooled off after a hot night at the local "male friendly" bar?

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
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