Skip to content
  • Home Home Home, current page.
  • Moments Moments Moments, current page.

Saved searches

  • Remove
  • In this conversation
    Verified accountProtected Tweets @
Suggested users
  • Verified accountProtected Tweets @
  • Verified accountProtected Tweets @
  • Language: English
    • Bahasa Indonesia
    • Bahasa Melayu
    • Català
    • Čeština
    • Dansk
    • Deutsch
    • English UK
    • Español
    • Filipino
    • Français
    • Hrvatski
    • Italiano
    • Magyar
    • Nederlands
    • Norsk
    • Polski
    • Português
    • Română
    • Slovenčina
    • Suomi
    • Svenska
    • Tiếng Việt
    • Türkçe
    • Ελληνικά
    • Български език
    • Русский
    • Српски
    • Українська мова
    • עִבְרִית
    • العربية
    • فارسی
    • मराठी
    • हिन्दी
    • বাংলা
    • ગુજરાતી
    • தமிழ்
    • ಕನ್ನಡ
    • ภาษาไทย
    • 한국어
    • 日本語
    • 简体中文
    • 繁體中文
  • Have an account? Log in
    Have an account?
    · Forgot password?

    New to Twitter?
    Sign up
TheOnion's profile
The Onion
The Onion
The Onion
Verified account
@TheOnion

Tweets

The OnionVerified account

@TheOnion

America's Finest News Source.

theonion.com
Joined March 2008

Tweets

  • © 2018 Twitter
  • About
  • Help Center
  • Terms
  • Privacy policy
  • Cookies
  • Ads info
Dismiss
Previous
Next

Go to a person's profile

Saved searches

  • Remove
  • In this conversation
    Verified accountProtected Tweets @
Suggested users
  • Verified accountProtected Tweets @
  • Verified accountProtected Tweets @

Promote this Tweet

Block

  • Tweet with a location

    You can add location information to your Tweets, such as your city or precise location, from the web and via third-party applications. You always have the option to delete your Tweet location history. Learn more

    Your lists

    Create a new list


    Under 100 characters, optional

    Privacy

    Copy link to Tweet

    Embed this Tweet

    Embed this Video

    Add this Tweet to your website by copying the code below. Learn more

    Add this video to your website by copying the code below. Learn more

    Hmm, there was a problem reaching the server.

    By embedding Twitter content in your website or app, you are agreeing to the Twitter Developer Agreement and Developer Policy.

    Preview

    Why you're seeing this ad

    Log in to Twitter

    · Forgot password?
    Don't have an account? Sign up »

    Sign up for Twitter

    Not on Twitter? Sign up, tune into the things you care about, and get updates as they happen.

    Sign up
    Have an account? Log in »

    Two-way (sending and receiving) short codes:

    Country Code For customers of
    United States 40404 (any)
    Canada 21212 (any)
    United Kingdom 86444 Vodafone, Orange, 3, O2
    Brazil 40404 Nextel, TIM
    Haiti 40404 Digicel, Voila
    Ireland 51210 Vodafone, O2
    India 53000 Bharti Airtel, Videocon, Reliance
    Indonesia 89887 AXIS, 3, Telkomsel, Indosat, XL Axiata
    Italy 4880804 Wind
    3424486444 Vodafone
    » See SMS short codes for other countries

    Confirmation

     

    Welcome home!

    This timeline is where you’ll spend most of your time, getting instant updates about what matters to you.

    Tweets not working for you?

    Hover over the profile pic and click the Following button to unfollow any account.

    Say a lot with a little

    When you see a Tweet you love, tap the heart — it lets the person who wrote it know you shared the love.

    Spread the word

    The fastest way to share someone else’s Tweet with your followers is with a Retweet. Tap the icon to send it instantly.

    Join the conversation

    Add your thoughts about any Tweet with a Reply. Find a topic you’re passionate about, and jump right in.

    Learn the latest

    Get instant insight into what people are talking about now.

    Get more of what you love

    Follow more accounts to get instant updates about topics you care about.

    Find what's happening

    See the latest conversations about any topic instantly.

    Never miss a Moment

    Catch up instantly on the best stories happening as they unfold.

    The Onion‏Verified account @TheOnion Feb 9

    Mitch McConnell Reminds Senators That They'll Have To Make Up Government Shutdown Days At End Of Year https://trib.al/GZWH5yX pic.twitter.com/HkJ6xyLUFR

    10:47 AM - 9 Feb 2018
    • 297 Retweets
    • 1,246 Likes
    • Jack Sandstrom Pierre-Simon Laplace renewable dick energy Brettt Hogg Garrett Harle Umut Ulusu Hunter MHPitzer Barney_Cannon
    17 replies 297 retweets 1,246 likes
      1. Lilikoi McGilligan‏ @CEOAtCorgiCC Feb 9
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Actual footage of senators reacting to summer vacation being postponed for the duration of any potential shutdown.pic.twitter.com/wvGJE3Zlb8

        0 replies 0 retweets 5 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. bill daubs‏ @billdaubs1 Feb 9
        Replying to @TheOnion

        "But I want the American people to know, we have a true hero not since G Washington has such a love for the Nation been here, tirelessness he stays up doing the job he was elected to do. I could wash his lovely feet rub them with oil and gaze up at that majestic PR till I die."pic.twitter.com/mGVIXMHEfX

        0 replies 0 retweets 2 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1.  🐾Beware of Dogma 🐾‏ @ellelljaytoo Feb 9
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Shit. Did anyone else find this as funny as I did? Is anything funny anymore? God help us!

        0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. Manjit S. Toor  🇨🇦‏ @manjit_toor98 Feb 9
        Replying to @TheOnion

        However, dates of all final exams will remain the same.

        0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. Croc Enthusiest‏ @Timmy_McInnis Feb 9
        Replying to @TheOnion

        @marshallthewise @ryan12197

        0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. John Hasley‏ @PonsSublicius Feb 9
        Replying to @TheOnion

        They've been making up the whole thing since dumping the constitution a century ago.

        0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. Pat 👻Boo!‏ @PatStowe Feb 9
        Replying to @TheOnion

        pic.twitter.com/EZZtvNr4rL

        0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. Mark Islam‏ @markislam Feb 9
        Replying to @TheOnion

        HAAAAAAAAA!!!!

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. mariusz bogusław jellinek‏ @JelliMari03 Feb 9
        Replying to @TheOnion

        walka polityczna polega na walce o strefy wpływów finansowych bo wiadomo że kto ma kapitał ten dyktuje warunki to innowacje pomysły projekty technologie ja to znam wszystko i jak sie go nie da pokonać to go zamordować albo usunąć z rynku

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. mariusz bogusław jellinek‏ @JelliMari03 Feb 9
        Replying to @TheOnion

        człowieku jak cie dorwą lekarze po tobie jest zwłaszcza psychiatrzy i policja bezwzgledna walka polityczna

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. mariusz bogusław jellinek‏ @JelliMari03 Feb 9
        Replying to @TheOnion

        gazują podają narkotyki jak śpisz to ci wszczykują świństwa jak mają dostep do sypialni nawet kobieta w łóżku w nocy niebezpieczna jest na żone trzeba uważać i nie śpi sie z nią w jednym pokoju czy matka czy siostra czy brat czy żona nawet niektóre dziecko to niebezpieczeństwo

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. Jessica Jones‏ @suzefeld Feb 9
        Replying to @TheOnion

        ...but, but summer. vacations... 😢 😆

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. mariusz bogusław jellinek‏ @JelliMari03 Feb 9
        Replying to @TheOnion

        znam gazy gazowali mnie pół roku zanim mnie położyli na plecy nawet w tramwaju a gazy są zabronione jeszcze w zeszłym stuleciu konwencją po l wojnie światowej chemicznie zabija sie konkurentów w 21 wieku uważajcie!

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. Sensitive Soul‏ @kimjacobs58 Feb 9
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Hahaha

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. CasualMeyhem‏ @CasualMeyhem Feb 9
        Replying to @TheOnion

        .I like this idea.

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo

    Loading seems to be taking a while.

    Twitter may be over capacity or experiencing a momentary hiccup. Try again or visit Twitter Status for more information.

      Promoted Tweet

      false

      • © 2018 Twitter
      • About
      • Help Center
      • Terms
      • Privacy policy
      • Cookies
      • Ads info