@TheOnion stop reporting real world events & news, go back to satire and comedy. 


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Too real
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Jamie Dimon’s Healthcare Company is located on a one way dead end street.
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He's doing great things one urge at a time
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The Onion now writes headlines based on what their subjects are actually thinking. It's funny because it's true.
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I have an innate desire to watch Dimon being given Intravenous infusion from a colostomy bag.
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That is just for entertainment with the real reason being Jamie wants to live forever
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Dark, but seems like the truth
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He hunts humans for sport
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As long as it doesn’t become a habit.
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This is akin to Bond's retort to Ursula Andress in Dr No, when Honey described killing her alleged rapist, as a teenager, placing a black-widow spider in his tent- leading to a slow, painful death. Did I do wrong, James? -- Replying
@TheOnion As long as it doesn’t become a habit
End of conversation
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