Skip to content
  • Home Home Home, current page.
  • Moments Moments Moments, current page.

Saved searches

  • Remove
  • In this conversation
    Verified accountProtected Tweets @
Suggested users
  • Verified accountProtected Tweets @
  • Verified accountProtected Tweets @
  • Language: English
    • Bahasa Indonesia
    • Bahasa Melayu
    • Català
    • Čeština
    • Dansk
    • Deutsch
    • English UK
    • Español
    • Filipino
    • Français
    • Hrvatski
    • Italiano
    • Magyar
    • Nederlands
    • Norsk
    • Polski
    • Português
    • Română
    • Slovenčina
    • Suomi
    • Svenska
    • Tiếng Việt
    • Türkçe
    • Ελληνικά
    • Български език
    • Русский
    • Српски
    • Українська мова
    • עִבְרִית
    • العربية
    • فارسی
    • मराठी
    • हिन्दी
    • বাংলা
    • ગુજરાતી
    • தமிழ்
    • ಕನ್ನಡ
    • ภาษาไทย
    • 한국어
    • 日本語
    • 简体中文
    • 繁體中文
  • Have an account? Log in
    Have an account?
    · Forgot password?

    New to Twitter?
    Sign up
TheOnion's profile
The Onion
The Onion
The Onion
Verified account
@TheOnion

Tweets

The OnionVerified account

@TheOnion

America's Finest News Source.

theonion.com
Joined March 2008

Tweets

  • © 2018 Twitter
  • About
  • Help Center
  • Terms
  • Privacy policy
  • Cookies
  • Ads info
Dismiss
Previous
Next

Go to a person's profile

Saved searches

  • Remove
  • In this conversation
    Verified accountProtected Tweets @
Suggested users
  • Verified accountProtected Tweets @
  • Verified accountProtected Tweets @

Promote this Tweet

Block

  • Tweet with a location

    You can add location information to your Tweets, such as your city or precise location, from the web and via third-party applications. You always have the option to delete your Tweet location history. Learn more

    Your lists

    Create a new list


    Under 100 characters, optional

    Privacy

    Copy link to Tweet

    Embed this Tweet

    Embed this Video

    Add this Tweet to your website by copying the code below. Learn more

    Add this video to your website by copying the code below. Learn more

    Hmm, there was a problem reaching the server.

    By embedding Twitter content in your website or app, you are agreeing to the Twitter Developer Agreement and Developer Policy.

    Preview

    Why you're seeing this ad

    Log in to Twitter

    · Forgot password?
    Don't have an account? Sign up »

    Sign up for Twitter

    Not on Twitter? Sign up, tune into the things you care about, and get updates as they happen.

    Sign up
    Have an account? Log in »

    Two-way (sending and receiving) short codes:

    Country Code For customers of
    United States 40404 (any)
    Canada 21212 (any)
    United Kingdom 86444 Vodafone, Orange, 3, O2
    Brazil 40404 Nextel, TIM
    Haiti 40404 Digicel, Voila
    Ireland 51210 Vodafone, O2
    India 53000 Bharti Airtel, Videocon, Reliance
    Indonesia 89887 AXIS, 3, Telkomsel, Indosat, XL Axiata
    Italy 4880804 Wind
    3424486444 Vodafone
    » See SMS short codes for other countries

    Confirmation

     

    Welcome home!

    This timeline is where you’ll spend most of your time, getting instant updates about what matters to you.

    Tweets not working for you?

    Hover over the profile pic and click the Following button to unfollow any account.

    Say a lot with a little

    When you see a Tweet you love, tap the heart — it lets the person who wrote it know you shared the love.

    Spread the word

    The fastest way to share someone else’s Tweet with your followers is with a Retweet. Tap the icon to send it instantly.

    Join the conversation

    Add your thoughts about any Tweet with a Reply. Find a topic you’re passionate about, and jump right in.

    Learn the latest

    Get instant insight into what people are talking about now.

    Get more of what you love

    Follow more accounts to get instant updates about topics you care about.

    Find what's happening

    See the latest conversations about any topic instantly.

    Never miss a Moment

    Catch up instantly on the best stories happening as they unfold.

    The Onion‏Verified account @TheOnion Jan 26

    Woman Apologizes To Therapist For Monopolizing Conversation https://trib.al/rAcgkOd pic.twitter.com/SrRoxobnpR

    12:31 PM - 26 Jan 2018
    • 533 Retweets
    • 2,641 Likes
    • To Live And Dine Emma Drake avez Jac Avia Modern Arab Lauren Patterson Emily Cochran dana Ryan
    23 replies 533 retweets 2,641 likes
      1. DeMisty D. Bellinger 🎃‏ @DeMistyB Jan 26
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Is this about me? If so, I'm sorry!

        0 replies 0 retweets 17 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. please vote 11/6‏ @KenzieHerring_ Jan 26
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Thought this was a fake news site

        0 replies 0 retweets 9 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. New conversation
      2. disaster lesbian‏ @useless__gay Jan 26
        Replying to @TheOnion @raisehades

        me

        1 reply 0 retweets 2 likes
      3.  🐸‏ @raisehades Jan 26
        Replying to @useless__gay @TheOnion

        me probably in the future

        0 replies 0 retweets 2 likes
      4. End of conversation
      1. Ntl, she ROSE FROM THE GRAVE‏ @peetsnack Feb 4
        Replying to @TheOnion

        @TrinAndTonic are you quoted in this article? @DoFriendship

        0 replies 0 retweets 3 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. Bart O’Kavanaugh‏ @Kevb69 Jan 26
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Isn’t he a wanted man in his home country ?

        0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. FrostyinMT‏ @stefantwall Jan 26
        Replying to @TheOnion

        @adub1967 hahahaha!

        0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. Nataly‏ @Nataly31589119 Jan 30
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Tt

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. Cassidy Cassie Cass Cass‏ @LatentCassidy Jan 27
        Replying to @TheOnion @Yuri_Librarian

        I feel called out.

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. Tony D‏ @biff725 Jan 26
        Replying to @TheOnion

        It's just that I'm on my period, my job, the slow line at Starbucks, my ex boyfriend, my mother, my bestie, the mailman, netflix, having to cook my own meals, clean the apartment, my dealer ran out my favorite adhd pills. Ok, I'll come back next week, lol

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. morg ⟠‏ @MorgPage Jan 26
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Just @ me next time

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. G Smitty‏ @Thebigguy360 Jan 26
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Enough about you..pic.twitter.com/uVSnxFqu91

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. Ken van horn‏ @Kenvanhorn2 Jan 26
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Never apologize

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. Back In St. Olaf...‏ @brevolve Jan 26
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Omg I felt like I had to do this last week bc this woman was not saying ANYTHING and just looking at her phone every five minutes

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. KimEst‏ @Kiokiest Jan 26
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Btdt. Sorry.

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. BadSonaMain‏ @BadSonaMain Jan 26
        Replying to @TheOnion

        This is totally something I would do

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. Psycho-Society‏ @decoy_roy Jan 26
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Therapist is a funny way of saying "everyone close to you"

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo

    Loading seems to be taking a while.

    Twitter may be over capacity or experiencing a momentary hiccup. Try again or visit Twitter Status for more information.

      Promoted Tweet

      false

      • © 2018 Twitter
      • About
      • Help Center
      • Terms
      • Privacy policy
      • Cookies
      • Ads info