Skip to content
  • Home Home Home, current page.
  • Moments Moments Moments, current page.

Saved searches

  • Remove
  • In this conversation
    Verified accountProtected Tweets @
Suggested users
  • Verified accountProtected Tweets @
  • Verified accountProtected Tweets @
  • Language: English
    • Bahasa Indonesia
    • Bahasa Melayu
    • Català
    • Čeština
    • Dansk
    • Deutsch
    • English UK
    • Español
    • Filipino
    • Français
    • Hrvatski
    • Italiano
    • Magyar
    • Nederlands
    • Norsk
    • Polski
    • Português
    • Română
    • Slovenčina
    • Suomi
    • Svenska
    • Tiếng Việt
    • Türkçe
    • Ελληνικά
    • Български език
    • Русский
    • Српски
    • Українська мова
    • עִבְרִית
    • العربية
    • فارسی
    • मराठी
    • हिन्दी
    • বাংলা
    • ગુજરાતી
    • தமிழ்
    • ಕನ್ನಡ
    • ภาษาไทย
    • 한국어
    • 日本語
    • 简体中文
    • 繁體中文
  • Have an account? Log in
    Have an account?
    · Forgot password?

    New to Twitter?
    Sign up
TheOnion's profile
The Onion
The Onion
The Onion
Verified account
@TheOnion

Tweets

The OnionVerified account

@TheOnion

America's Finest News Source.

theonion.com
Joined March 2008

Tweets

  • © 2018 Twitter
  • About
  • Help Center
  • Terms
  • Privacy policy
  • Cookies
  • Ads info
Dismiss
Previous
Next

Go to a person's profile

Saved searches

  • Remove
  • In this conversation
    Verified accountProtected Tweets @
Suggested users
  • Verified accountProtected Tweets @
  • Verified accountProtected Tweets @

Promote this Tweet

Block

  • Tweet with a location

    You can add location information to your Tweets, such as your city or precise location, from the web and via third-party applications. You always have the option to delete your Tweet location history. Learn more

    Your lists

    Create a new list


    Under 100 characters, optional

    Privacy

    Copy link to Tweet

    Embed this Tweet

    Embed this Video

    Add this Tweet to your website by copying the code below. Learn more

    Add this video to your website by copying the code below. Learn more

    Hmm, there was a problem reaching the server.

    By embedding Twitter content in your website or app, you are agreeing to the Twitter Developer Agreement and Developer Policy.

    Preview

    Why you're seeing this ad

    Log in to Twitter

    · Forgot password?
    Don't have an account? Sign up »

    Sign up for Twitter

    Not on Twitter? Sign up, tune into the things you care about, and get updates as they happen.

    Sign up
    Have an account? Log in »

    Two-way (sending and receiving) short codes:

    Country Code For customers of
    United States 40404 (any)
    Canada 21212 (any)
    United Kingdom 86444 Vodafone, Orange, 3, O2
    Brazil 40404 Nextel, TIM
    Haiti 40404 Digicel, Voila
    Ireland 51210 Vodafone, O2
    India 53000 Bharti Airtel, Videocon, Reliance
    Indonesia 89887 AXIS, 3, Telkomsel, Indosat, XL Axiata
    Italy 4880804 Wind
    3424486444 Vodafone
    » See SMS short codes for other countries

    Confirmation

     

    Welcome home!

    This timeline is where you’ll spend most of your time, getting instant updates about what matters to you.

    Tweets not working for you?

    Hover over the profile pic and click the Following button to unfollow any account.

    Say a lot with a little

    When you see a Tweet you love, tap the heart — it lets the person who wrote it know you shared the love.

    Spread the word

    The fastest way to share someone else’s Tweet with your followers is with a Retweet. Tap the icon to send it instantly.

    Join the conversation

    Add your thoughts about any Tweet with a Reply. Find a topic you’re passionate about, and jump right in.

    Learn the latest

    Get instant insight into what people are talking about now.

    Get more of what you love

    Follow more accounts to get instant updates about topics you care about.

    Find what's happening

    See the latest conversations about any topic instantly.

    Never miss a Moment

    Catch up instantly on the best stories happening as they unfold.

    The Onion‏Verified account @TheOnion Jan 23

    Amazon To Open Grocery Store Without Checkout To Public https://trib.al/xnr8nFa  #WhatDoYouThink?pic.twitter.com/s1xoRuAdMf

    7:37 AM - 23 Jan 2018
    • 81 Retweets
    • 462 Likes
    • Michael Doerge isaaccroston Jim Snodgrass Vampiric Charlie Lapin 🧛 Gavin Eves Memphis Conor Newman Big Bones Billy George Tsigarides
    9 replies 81 retweets 462 likes
      1. Bill Parks‏ @HemiBParks Jan 23
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Who am I supposed to flirt with now as I check out?

        0 replies 0 retweets 4 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. New conversation
      2.  🆕 Robert Harrison‏ @TheDarthMoogle Jan 23
        Replying to @TheOnion

        This needs to come to the UK asap. I hope for the day we can spare our children the social nightmare that is UNEXPECTED ITEM IN BAGGING AREA

        1 reply 0 retweets 1 like
      3. 1 more reply
      1. New conversation
      2. IsThisRealLife?‏ @SotaPopKid Jan 23
        Replying to @TheOnion

        What about Local Cashier? How is she supposed to not make a living wage now?

        2 replies 0 retweets 1 like
      3. 1 more reply
      1. Jeremy Edwards‏ @J_Roc1971 Jan 24
        Replying to @TheOnion

        The irony here is ridiculous.

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. Amy Clemetson‏ @amycle206 Jan 24
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Amy Clemetson Retweeted The Onion

        @JohnHeveran tough stuff @TheOnion:https://twitter.com/TheOnion/statuses/955826742333198337 …

        Amy Clemetson added,

        The OnionVerified account @TheOnion
        Amazon To Open Grocery Store Without Checkout To Public https://trib.al/xnr8nFa  #WhatDoYouThink? pic.twitter.com/s1xoRuAdMf
        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. G Smitty‏ @Thebigguy360 Jan 23
        Replying to @TheOnion

        We used to have a different but similar model in my neighbourhood every time the power went out...pic.twitter.com/5vV0IeKseO

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. Adam‏ @BoomDiamond124 Jan 23
        Replying to @TheOnion

        That’s just called shoplifting

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. FrostMotel‏ @Seshacide Jan 23
        Replying to @TheOnion

        I'd like tosay.

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. cosmo66‏ @cosmo664 Jan 23
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Would "B" more efficient !AND! Perhaps educational for technophobes. 🤗

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo

    Loading seems to be taking a while.

    Twitter may be over capacity or experiencing a momentary hiccup. Try again or visit Twitter Status for more information.

      Promoted Tweet

      false

      • © 2018 Twitter
      • About
      • Help Center
      • Terms
      • Privacy policy
      • Cookies
      • Ads info