This could almost be legitimate and not an Onion article!
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The Bad Apple running this amazing country into the ground! A government shutdown and the GOP has all the control? I thought Donnie was a deal maker? No...his a GREAT DIVIDER of people! This shutdown exposes the incompetence & inexperience of Trump!pic.twitter.com/giPjM1Xhuu
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Too soon
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Area politico weeps, then takes another bong rip, maybe two.
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Telling the truth will just confuse people

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Sweetheart - they aren't going to lock her up. She isn't even under indictment. You should, however, be worried about your Orange Julius Ceasar
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Well, guess what snowflake? It's never going to happen. The president said it himself.
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President Trump is delivering on his promises too. Never has any President in history been hunted down like this man. Does he look bothered. NO! We want his visit to England and soon.
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He doesn't have the emotional capacity to feel bothered
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As far as I'm aware, he has just passed a medical assessment, both physical and mental with flying colours. That makes a nonsense out of your post.
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But who won election? lol
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Stick to Satire
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