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TheOnion's profile
The Onion
The Onion
The Onion
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@TheOnion

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The OnionVerified account

@TheOnion

America's Finest News Source.

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Joined March 2008

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    The Onion‏Verified account @TheOnion Jan 17

    You To Still Die One Day https://trib.al/RwKWoMB pic.twitter.com/arzkN71FfE

    7:45 AM - 17 Jan 2018
    • 149 Retweets
    • 652 Likes
    • Jake Caldwell Eddy Pinkman Kyle Lushell bean 🎃🍂👻🍭 ~🎃Pais-o’-Lantern🎃~ Rolpesokk Vesperyl (CHECK BIO) Scott Lewis luke
    18 replies 149 retweets 652 likes
      1. That Guy‏ @AaronDunlap72 Jan 17
        Replying to @TheOnion

        pic.twitter.com/IkxWsQ0RYt

        0 replies 0 retweets 21 likes
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      1. Fernando Nuevo‏ @fernsbags Jan 17
        Replying to @TheOnion

        pic.twitter.com/F4ZzDqBkcK

        0 replies 0 retweets 8 likes
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      1. Bailey‏ @BaileyJIII Jan 17
        Replying to @TheOnion

        i can't wait

        0 replies 0 retweets 7 likes
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      1. Rimnod Presents‏ @RimnodPresents Jan 17
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Whenever I need a "pick me up" I can always count on The Onion to do the job.

        0 replies 0 retweets 2 likes
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      1. ѕтєρнαηιє  🧡 🎃‏ @thrifty_pixie Jan 17
        Replying to @TheOnion

        That article title, however you’re right! We all are going to die it’s inevitable and mostly unpredictable, so while we’re here live it to your fullest 🌟

        0 replies 0 retweets 2 likes
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      1. Ken Lozon‏ @ken_lozon Jan 17
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Enjoy today then, you won't know which breathe is your last.

        0 replies 0 retweets 2 likes
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      1. New conversation
      2. the.effing.librarian‏ @effinglibrarian Jan 17
        Replying to @TheOnion

        I hope to die two days. One day, like like everyone else. Then be revived for 24 hours so I can delete all of my online history that might embarrass my family and friends.

        1 reply 0 retweets 2 likes
      3. 1 more reply
      1. Keith‏ @Xsagaroth Jan 17
        Replying to @TheOnion

        !

        0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
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      1. Matt‏ @matt_gaikema Jan 17
        Replying to @TheOnion

        I know this is satire because in real life that's exciting

        0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
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      1. Scare Logan  🎃 💀‏ @withchillies Jan 17
        Replying to @TheOnion

        You mean the anti-ageing moisturizer I'm using isn't working? Well, shit.

        0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
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      1. Petey Isom‏ @PeteyIsom Jan 17
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Then we should have a "One Day" holiday so people can go en mass.

        0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
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      1. gazaa07‏ @gazaa07 Jan 17
        Replying to @TheOnion

        At least there isn't a portrait of me slowly ageing and decaying while I do neither

        0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
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      1. Khaz‏ @KhazWolf Jan 17
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Is it today yet

        0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
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      1. frontsidebussem‏ @frunksidebuttem Jan 18
        Replying to @TheOnion @380kmh

        Just watch as I ascend into a Ugandan knuckles VRchat avatar for eternity

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
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      1. Marybeth Horn‏ @MarybethHorn6 Jan 18
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Once again the onions uplifting thought for the day. Lol

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
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      1. Félicie (Taxouck)‏ @Taxouck Jan 17
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Eh. Who knows? We could have a transhuman technological boom. Why die when you can be an immortal cyborg instead?

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
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      1. tara lee cheesman‏ @tarawasjesus Jan 17
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Yeah after 1000 years you'll just drop dead still looking 20. Telomeres can only get so long yo.

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
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