I thought this was real before I saw it was The Onion. And it didn't phase me. 
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Exciting stuff
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Too real for me.
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Ouch.
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Have to keep track of recycling program to know where to drill or mine in a few millions years when garbage reverts back to a usable form.
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Oops' That is "survival"
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Send me a copy! I would like to know where to get my hands' on that garbage for when the power grid goes down after WW3! We should think of that garbage as an emergency servival vault! "Break" glass!!! When desperate!
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Half-day boats can always use more sand bass spots
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We’re going to use a “Tire-d and True Method” to map the sea floor... Nothing is going to “waste” here!!
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Let's hope so
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This is one of those headlines that could actually be true.
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