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TheOnion's profile
The Onion
The Onion
The Onion
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@TheOnion

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The OnionVerified account

@TheOnion

America's Finest News Source.

theonion.com
Joined March 2008

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    The Onion‏Verified account @TheOnion Jan 9

    To see more unmatched reporting, visit http://theonion.com .pic.twitter.com/jHA0JJWjK5

    5:30 PM - 9 Jan 2018
    • 163 Retweets
    • 959 Likes
    • first world millennial Pierre-Simon Laplace MartinQ Angry Trash Panda 🌑 スプーキー・ビッグ・ディック・バンディット Colleen Clark rrrrrrrrrrrRrRrrrrrrRRRRRRRRRRREEEEEEEEEEE Doozy Vote. The rest of us can't.
    17 replies 163 retweets 959 likes
      1. New conversation
      2. Mark‏ @mbubb1213 Jan 9
        Replying to @TheOnion

        This is why I always set out a few extra

        1 reply 0 retweets 5 likes
      3. Leucifer‏ @Leucifer Jan 9
        Replying to @mbubb1213 @TheOnion

        Good man!

        0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
      4. End of conversation
      1. New conversation
      2. Jonathan Wyre‏ @jonathan_wyre Jan 12
        Replying to @TheOnion

        @katmgoddard Liane told me to tag you lol.

        1 reply 0 retweets 1 like
      3. Katrina Mair‏ @katmgoddard Jan 13
        Replying to @jonathan_wyre @TheOnion

        "Rubber dub dub thanks for the grub" 😂😂🙊

        0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
      4. End of conversation
      1. ClankDotCom ( Ki 気 )  🌊. 🌊 ‏‏ @corvetteflex Jan 9
        Replying to @TheOnion

        The TV Pastor says, “You guys are working too hard. I just toss the money into the air, and what God wants, he keeps, and whatever falls to the floor...”

        0 replies 0 retweets 2 likes
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      1. David 'Carpe YOLO, Seize the Diem' Finton‏ @davefinton Jan 9
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Who can argue with God on this matter?

        0 replies 0 retweets 2 likes
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      1. ClankDotCom ( Ki 気 )  🌊. 🌊 ‏‏ @corvetteflex Jan 9
        Replying to @TheOnion

        The Imam says, “I do something similar. But I draw a small circle on the floor, toss the money in the air and whatever stays in the circle I keep for the mosque and the rest goes to charity.

        0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
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      1. Guy Henry‏ @GuyHenry_7 Jan 9
        Replying to @TheOnion

        I’ve seen it happen. I’m a wide-eyed non-believer. Or I was until He snagged the rolls.

        0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
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      1. Jason Dahl‏ @realjdahl Jan 9
        Replying to @TheOnion

        @NotKiarash @Mezbaa7 @bassamshawl

        0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
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      1. Richard‏ @dickjolliffe Jan 9
        Replying to @TheOnion

        @TheTweetOfGod C’mon...Really? You DO work in mysterious ways.

        0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
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      1. Derrick USANOW‏ @USANOW14 Jan 10
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Lame Lame! Why would God do this. How is it funny?

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
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      1. G Smitty‏ @Thebigguy360 Jan 9
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Not to be anti-religious, but if they lifted their heads from prayer, they would have seen that it was actually one of these sky-rats that did the theft.... Very bun-nie indeed...pic.twitter.com/NuZnIjWcug

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
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      1. ClankDotCom ( Ki 気 )  🌊. 🌊 ‏‏ @corvetteflex Jan 9
        Replying to @TheOnion

        The Rabbi says, “Well, I draw a big circle on the floor and then take all the money and toss it in the air. What falls inside the circle goes to charity, what falls out of the circle goes to the temple fund.”

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
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      1. Lalawethika Quanah‏ @NormalHorse Jan 9
        Replying to @TheOnion

        More like God kills the father, orders rape for the mother, gives daughter for slavery and plagues the son - all for eating the wrong food.

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
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      1. HallOfGlory‏ @Hall0fGlory Jan 9
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Well god's going to hell. Everyone knows you're suppose to wait for grace to be over before eating.

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
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      1. Leucifer‏ @Leucifer Jan 9
        Replying to @TheOnion @DefenseBaron

        God has been known to do that. Will also try and steal your cake too, if you're not watching.

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
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      1. Woernley‏ @Woernley_Raps Jan 9
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Sounds as likely as man made climate change...

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
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      1. Maggie 💀Dean‏ @ahhmaggieno Jan 9
        Replying to @TheOnion

        THAT BASTARD! I KNEW IT THAT BASTARD!!

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
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      1. Wait, what?‏ @haveahavanese Jan 9
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Come on, you guys can do better than this.

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
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