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TheOnion's profile
The Onion
The Onion
The Onion
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@TheOnion

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The OnionVerified account

@TheOnion

America's Finest News Source.

theonion.com
Joined March 2008

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    The Onion‏Verified account @TheOnion Dec 31

    The Onion Retweeted The Onion

    According to sources, local single woman Kelly Duval was going to great lengths to create big, bouncy curls in her hair to complement the flirty red lipstick she was wearing so she’d look just perfect while observing happy couples embracing each other at the stroke of midnight.https://twitter.com/TheOnion/status/947541377163956233 …

    The Onion added,

    The OnionVerified account @TheOnion
    Single Woman Getting All Dolled Up To Watch Room Full Of People Make Out This New Year’s Eve https://trib.al/TGL3MPV  pic.twitter.com/sXisulVQb4
    5:25 PM - 31 Dec 2017
    • 324 Retweets
    • 2,216 Likes
    • Eric Jarvis Hayden Sullivan 🍒CHERRY SYRUP a medium sized dog LJ spooky papi™️ Qw@y Jonah Birenbaum Mark Morris
    23 replies 324 retweets 2,216 likes
      1. cascadehall‏ @cascadehall Dec 31
        Replying to @TheOnion

        At least they changed my name for anonymity

        0 replies 0 retweets 25 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
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      1. New conversation
      2. Kat‏ @raincitykitty Dec 31
        Replying to @TheOnion

        @stilwell_james this is basically me tonight. #soloNY #boyfriendisalineman #bcstorm #teenagedgirlwasted

        1 reply 1 retweet 1 like
      3. 1 more reply
      1. New conversation
      2. Morgan Oliver‏ @dot_morg Jan 1
        Replying to @TheOnion

        @mcrallie you are SO famous, 315 retweets of your face.

        1 reply 0 retweets 0 likes
      3. Nick Day‏ @RealNickDay Jan 1
        Replying to @dot_morg @TheOnion @mcrallie

        omg whaaaaaat

        1 reply 0 retweets 0 likes
      4. Han Nguyen‏ @hanseldee Jan 1
        Replying to @RealNickDay @dot_morg and

        Ummm is that really you

        1 reply 0 retweets 1 like
      5. Allie McRaith‏ @mcrallie Jan 1
        Replying to @hanseldee @RealNickDay and

        Yeahhhhh buddies 🤗

        1 reply 0 retweets 1 like
      6. Han Nguyen‏ @hanseldee Jan 1
        Replying to @mcrallie @RealNickDay and

        Oh em gee

        0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
      7. End of conversation
      1. New conversation
      2. Justin Swaney‏ @jswaney50 Dec 31
        Replying to @TheOnion

        @drewthegoose finishing 2017 on a strong note

        1 reply 0 retweets 2 likes
      3. 1 more reply
      1. @SocioPathComa‏ @SocialPathComa Jan 1
        Replying to @TheOnion

        The future was set in stone by the mirror telling she will meet a smart intellectual man with much to about nothing. Will find him if she continues to look in the twitter universe.

        0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
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      1.  🌊🅹 🅾🅷🅽 • 🆂🅷🅴🅻 🅱🆈 🌊‏ @CivilVigil Jan 1
        Replying to @TheOnion

        making use of that 280 character limit for sure

        0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
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      1. John Van Pelt  ⛈ 🚀 🛰 🌮‏ @JVPStorm Dec 31
        Replying to @TheOnion

        I’m watching her watch them, right now.

        0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
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      1. Mike‏ @miketheitguy Dec 31
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Savage

        0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
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      1. Nelly‏ @Bryan_919 Dec 31
        Replying to @TheOnion

        I long for 2016 and 140 characters

        0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
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      1. Tristan‏ @tstanley12 Dec 31
        Replying to @TheOnion

        I was single for some New Years Eve’s. It sucked ASS.

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
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      1. §harpest  🤘‏ @MarinaKalli96 Dec 31
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Stop narrating my life

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
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      1. Annik Stahl‏ @curledANDqueued Dec 31
        Replying to @TheOnion

        #thatsme

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
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      1. Nature  🌲 Girl  🌻‏ @Journey_OMalley Dec 31
        Replying to @TheOnion

        My life encapsulated in an Onion story. *sigh* 😢

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
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