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The Onion
The Onion
The Onion
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@TheOnion

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    The Onion‏Verified account @TheOnion 31 Dec 2017

    Nation’s Single Friends Announced Today To Just Sort Of Stand There While Couples Kiss On New Year’s Evepic.twitter.com/yNXKvbjUkm

    8:32 AM - 31 Dec 2017
    • 1,254 Retweets
    • 2,991 Likes
    • Michael  Finnie Ethan Mikolay kaylee “cool pumpkins” hill Christy Taylor McFarland Jake Christensen Thomas Dean ken skellington🕷 Alex Mercer
    43 replies 1,254 retweets 2,991 likes
      1. New conversation
      2. Scott REDRUM Gibbs  📚‏ @ScottNGibbs 31 Dec 2017
        Replying to @TheOnion

        I'd just like to point out how much I enjoy the idea that single people would feel compelled to hold a "press conference" to discuss this.

        1 reply 1 retweet 6 likes
      3. Spooky Aaron  🎃‏ @ash_pyle 31 Dec 2017
        Replying to @ScottNGibbs @TheOnion

        Nah we’re not stopping at the press conference level. We’re holding an international convention

        1 reply 0 retweets 3 likes
      4. 1 more reply
      1. Cat Moncure  🐈‏ @CatMoncure 31 Dec 2017
        Replying to @TheOnion

        I'm not even going to lie about prospects

        0 replies 0 retweets 9 likes
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      1. New conversation
      2.  💀SpookiesPotato 💀‏ @SatanIsPotato 31 Dec 2017
        Replying to @TheOnion

        I feel personally attacked

        1 reply 0 retweets 1 like
      3. Bert Hyman‏ @berthyman 31 Dec 2017
        Replying to @SatanIsPotato @TheOnion

        You were.

        0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
      4. End of conversation
      1. Muni‏ @muni_d1 31 Dec 2017
        Replying to @TheOnion @allahpundit

        Nation’s Married Couples Announced Todoy to Ignore Each Other When Ball Drops.

        0 replies 0 retweets 2 likes
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      1. Nuromanca‏ @Nuromanca 31 Dec 2017
        Replying to @TheOnion

        And leave the couples to their fatalistic rituals.

        0 replies 0 retweets 2 likes
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      1. Hitmonlee-Roy Jenkins‏ @seestaar 31 Dec 2017
        Replying to @TheOnion

        So real it hurts 😭

        0 replies 0 retweets 2 likes
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      1. New conversation
      2. Jesus F‏ @TheOnlyOhSo 31 Dec 2017
        Replying to @TheOnion

        I'm gonna say it now. One of my new year resolutions is to no longer seek a female. Because I'm tried of being lied too. I'm tired of them playing games and I'm sick of those mixed signals, say what you mean don't mislead me and say the truth don't keep it inside just tell me!

        1 reply 0 retweets 2 likes
      3. 1 more reply
      1. FALKO‏ @FALKO___ Jan 1
        Replying to @TheOnion

        @lizzieemoran

        0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
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      1. killerr‏ @killerr616 31 Dec 2017
        Replying to @TheOnion @AngieOverkill

        That about sums it up. Yeap.

        0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
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      1. Anne‏ @WindyCityFunk 31 Dec 2017
        Replying to @TheOnion @pattomasulo

        Hilarious 😂💙

        0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
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      1. r.‏ @fvckspeak 31 Dec 2017
        Replying to @TheOnion

        my cold sore cleared up just in time, so im ready to smooch!

        0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
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      1. claire  🤔‏ @xbombshllxx 31 Dec 2017
        Replying to @TheOnion

        @nohateknowlove

        0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
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      1. Wanjiru M. Gitau, Ph.D.‏ @Wanjiru_M_Gitau Jan 5
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Yeah right. So convincing.

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
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      1. Andre Slater‏ @DreSlayz Jan 1
        Replying to @TheOnion @halrudnick

        Beautiful parody!

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
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      1. Trapserpent‏ @trapserpent199 Jan 1
        Replying to @TheOnion

        wgaf? he should be single what’s on his head? Did he jump off the Aunt Jemima pancake box...a whole lot to do and say about bull shit

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
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