Skip to content
  • Home Home Home, current page.
  • Moments Moments Moments, current page.

Saved searches

  • Remove
  • In this conversation
    Verified accountProtected Tweets @
Suggested users
  • Verified accountProtected Tweets @
  • Verified accountProtected Tweets @
  • Language: English
    • Bahasa Indonesia
    • Bahasa Melayu
    • Català
    • Čeština
    • Dansk
    • Deutsch
    • English UK
    • Español
    • Filipino
    • Français
    • Hrvatski
    • Italiano
    • Magyar
    • Nederlands
    • Norsk
    • Polski
    • Português
    • Română
    • Slovenčina
    • Suomi
    • Svenska
    • Tiếng Việt
    • Türkçe
    • Ελληνικά
    • Български език
    • Русский
    • Српски
    • Українська мова
    • עִבְרִית
    • العربية
    • فارسی
    • मराठी
    • हिन्दी
    • বাংলা
    • ગુજરાતી
    • தமிழ்
    • ಕನ್ನಡ
    • ภาษาไทย
    • 한국어
    • 日本語
    • 简体中文
    • 繁體中文
  • Have an account? Log in
    Have an account?
    · Forgot password?

    New to Twitter?
    Sign up
TheOnion's profile
The Onion
The Onion
The Onion
Verified account
@TheOnion

Tweets

The OnionVerified account

@TheOnion

America's Finest News Source.

theonion.com
Joined March 2008

Tweets

  • © 2018 Twitter
  • About
  • Help Center
  • Terms
  • Privacy policy
  • Cookies
  • Ads info
Dismiss
Previous
Next

Go to a person's profile

Saved searches

  • Remove
  • In this conversation
    Verified accountProtected Tweets @
Suggested users
  • Verified accountProtected Tweets @
  • Verified accountProtected Tweets @

Promote this Tweet

Block

  • Tweet with a location

    You can add location information to your Tweets, such as your city or precise location, from the web and via third-party applications. You always have the option to delete your Tweet location history. Learn more

    Your lists

    Create a new list


    Under 100 characters, optional

    Privacy

    Copy link to Tweet

    Embed this Tweet

    Embed this Video

    Add this Tweet to your website by copying the code below. Learn more

    Add this video to your website by copying the code below. Learn more

    Hmm, there was a problem reaching the server.

    By embedding Twitter content in your website or app, you are agreeing to the Twitter Developer Agreement and Developer Policy.

    Preview

    Why you're seeing this ad

    Log in to Twitter

    · Forgot password?
    Don't have an account? Sign up »

    Sign up for Twitter

    Not on Twitter? Sign up, tune into the things you care about, and get updates as they happen.

    Sign up
    Have an account? Log in »

    Two-way (sending and receiving) short codes:

    Country Code For customers of
    United States 40404 (any)
    Canada 21212 (any)
    United Kingdom 86444 Vodafone, Orange, 3, O2
    Brazil 40404 Nextel, TIM
    Haiti 40404 Digicel, Voila
    Ireland 51210 Vodafone, O2
    India 53000 Bharti Airtel, Videocon, Reliance
    Indonesia 89887 AXIS, 3, Telkomsel, Indosat, XL Axiata
    Italy 4880804 Wind
    3424486444 Vodafone
    » See SMS short codes for other countries

    Confirmation

     

    Welcome home!

    This timeline is where you’ll spend most of your time, getting instant updates about what matters to you.

    Tweets not working for you?

    Hover over the profile pic and click the Following button to unfollow any account.

    Say a lot with a little

    When you see a Tweet you love, tap the heart — it lets the person who wrote it know you shared the love.

    Spread the word

    The fastest way to share someone else’s Tweet with your followers is with a Retweet. Tap the icon to send it instantly.

    Join the conversation

    Add your thoughts about any Tweet with a Reply. Find a topic you’re passionate about, and jump right in.

    Learn the latest

    Get instant insight into what people are talking about now.

    Get more of what you love

    Follow more accounts to get instant updates about topics you care about.

    Find what's happening

    See the latest conversations about any topic instantly.

    Never miss a Moment

    Catch up instantly on the best stories happening as they unfold.

    The Onion‏Verified account @TheOnion 25 Dec 2017

    Convenience Store Employee Given Generous Holiday Bonus Shift https://trib.al/zX2TP0m pic.twitter.com/f7EorWvWFn

    7:37 AM - 25 Dec 2017
    • 402 Retweets
    • 1,879 Likes
    • Strat Definitely Not Adrienne Angi Michael Murphy, Jr. Matthew Moreillon mg _skullkid Anthony Giorgio Michael_Clayton
    21 replies 402 retweets 1,879 likes
      1. New conversation
      2. Werner Twertzog‏ @WernerTwertzog 25 Dec 2017
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Later, he will be shot.

        1 reply 2 retweets 25 likes
      3. Daniel Giddings‏ @admiraldanny 25 Dec 2017
        Replying to @WernerTwertzog @TheOnion

        This stock image looks to be a UK based store, rather than US; he’ll probably be fine.

        2 replies 0 retweets 2 likes
      4. Drew‏ @ClochFear 25 Dec 2017
        Replying to @admiraldanny @WernerTwertzog @TheOnion

        Oh okay, so a truck will plow a pedestrian instead

        1 reply 0 retweets 1 like
      5. Daniel Giddings‏ @admiraldanny 25 Dec 2017
        Replying to @ClochFear

        It’s possible - is he protesting against some Nazis at the time?

        1 reply 0 retweets 5 likes
      6. Drew‏ @ClochFear 25 Dec 2017
        Replying to @admiraldanny

        🤣🤣 fair

        0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
      7. End of conversation
      1. New conversation
      2. Jeff White‏ @therealrogue576 25 Dec 2017
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Along with his promotion to assistant manager so he won't be paid any overtime.

        1 reply 0 retweets 1 like
      3. David Azoherra‏ @DavidAZHR 25 Dec 2017
        Replying to @therealrogue576 @TheOnion

        Assistant to Regional Manager*

        0 replies 0 retweets 2 likes
      4. End of conversation
      1. Joe Bada‏ @JoeBada 25 Dec 2017
        Replying to @TheOnion

        I feel his pain... Oh... Ummm. I mean his good fortune.. 🤪

        0 replies 0 retweets 2 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. ^On 👋🏾‏ @The_Hip_NoTiCe 25 Dec 2017
        Replying to @TheOnion

        LMAO @ the look on this poor guys face 😂😂😂 #MerryChristmas

        0 replies 0 retweets 2 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. Just Me‏ @Christy54599576 26 Dec 2017
        Replying to @TheOnion

        I think I used to work there

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. Woernley‏ @Woernley_Raps 25 Dec 2017
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Spends extra cash on the liquor behind him that he wishes he could afford all the time.

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. Bill Mobley‏ @BillMobley97 25 Dec 2017
        Replying to @TheOnion

        I had today off and I volunteered to work anyway because I hate Christmas. I was happily obliged.

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. Bloomberg/Avenatti 2020 👻 🎃‏ @crazylefty17 25 Dec 2017
        Replying to @TheOnion

        At least he gets time and a half

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. engineer‏ @nutnumbs 25 Dec 2017
        Replying to @TheOnion

        And a $1,000 bonus from his employer/job creator?

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo

    Loading seems to be taking a while.

    Twitter may be over capacity or experiencing a momentary hiccup. Try again or visit Twitter Status for more information.

      Promoted Tweet

      false

      • © 2018 Twitter
      • About
      • Help Center
      • Terms
      • Privacy policy
      • Cookies
      • Ads info