Skip to content
  • Home Home Home, current page.
  • Moments Moments Moments, current page.

Saved searches

  • Remove
  • In this conversation
    Verified accountProtected Tweets @
Suggested users
  • Verified accountProtected Tweets @
  • Verified accountProtected Tweets @
  • Language: English
    • Bahasa Indonesia
    • Bahasa Melayu
    • Català
    • Čeština
    • Dansk
    • Deutsch
    • English UK
    • Español
    • Filipino
    • Français
    • Hrvatski
    • Italiano
    • Magyar
    • Nederlands
    • Norsk
    • Polski
    • Português
    • Română
    • Slovenčina
    • Suomi
    • Svenska
    • Tiếng Việt
    • Türkçe
    • Ελληνικά
    • Български език
    • Русский
    • Српски
    • Українська мова
    • עִבְרִית
    • العربية
    • فارسی
    • मराठी
    • हिन्दी
    • বাংলা
    • ગુજરાતી
    • தமிழ்
    • ಕನ್ನಡ
    • ภาษาไทย
    • 한국어
    • 日本語
    • 简体中文
    • 繁體中文
  • Have an account? Log in
    Have an account?
    · Forgot password?

    New to Twitter?
    Sign up
TheOnion's profile
The Onion
The Onion
The Onion
Verified account
@TheOnion

Tweets

The OnionVerified account

@TheOnion

America's Finest News Source.

theonion.com
Joined March 2008

Tweets

  • © 2018 Twitter
  • About
  • Help Center
  • Terms
  • Privacy policy
  • Cookies
  • Ads info
Dismiss
Previous
Next

Go to a person's profile

Saved searches

  • Remove
  • In this conversation
    Verified accountProtected Tweets @
Suggested users
  • Verified accountProtected Tweets @
  • Verified accountProtected Tweets @

Promote this Tweet

Block

  • Tweet with a location

    You can add location information to your Tweets, such as your city or precise location, from the web and via third-party applications. You always have the option to delete your Tweet location history. Learn more

    Your lists

    Create a new list


    Under 100 characters, optional

    Privacy

    Copy link to Tweet

    Embed this Tweet

    Embed this Video

    Add this Tweet to your website by copying the code below. Learn more

    Add this video to your website by copying the code below. Learn more

    Hmm, there was a problem reaching the server.

    By embedding Twitter content in your website or app, you are agreeing to the Twitter Developer Agreement and Developer Policy.

    Preview

    Why you're seeing this ad

    Log in to Twitter

    · Forgot password?
    Don't have an account? Sign up »

    Sign up for Twitter

    Not on Twitter? Sign up, tune into the things you care about, and get updates as they happen.

    Sign up
    Have an account? Log in »

    Two-way (sending and receiving) short codes:

    Country Code For customers of
    United States 40404 (any)
    Canada 21212 (any)
    United Kingdom 86444 Vodafone, Orange, 3, O2
    Brazil 40404 Nextel, TIM
    Haiti 40404 Digicel, Voila
    Ireland 51210 Vodafone, O2
    India 53000 Bharti Airtel, Videocon, Reliance
    Indonesia 89887 AXIS, 3, Telkomsel, Indosat, XL Axiata
    Italy 4880804 Wind
    3424486444 Vodafone
    » See SMS short codes for other countries

    Confirmation

     

    Welcome home!

    This timeline is where you’ll spend most of your time, getting instant updates about what matters to you.

    Tweets not working for you?

    Hover over the profile pic and click the Following button to unfollow any account.

    Say a lot with a little

    When you see a Tweet you love, tap the heart — it lets the person who wrote it know you shared the love.

    Spread the word

    The fastest way to share someone else’s Tweet with your followers is with a Retweet. Tap the icon to send it instantly.

    Join the conversation

    Add your thoughts about any Tweet with a Reply. Find a topic you’re passionate about, and jump right in.

    Learn the latest

    Get instant insight into what people are talking about now.

    Get more of what you love

    Follow more accounts to get instant updates about topics you care about.

    Find what's happening

    See the latest conversations about any topic instantly.

    Never miss a Moment

    Catch up instantly on the best stories happening as they unfold.

    The Onion‏Verified account @TheOnion 18 Dec 2017

    Man Basks In Triumphant Glory After Purchases Line Up To Exact Value Of Gift Card https://trib.al/6ycKe9H pic.twitter.com/bl5YbFqJcD

    4:03 PM - 18 Dec 2017
    • 176 Retweets
    • 1,000 Likes
    • Kenny THOTless Husband Kimberly Nelson Texas Chainsaw Masen-cre 🎃 ZZZZ Conrad earl sweetcheeks Evan Jeremy Thomas
    11 replies 176 retweets 1,000 likes
      1. Preemster‏ @yikes90909 18 Dec 2017
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Impossible, sir!!!

        0 replies 0 retweets 3 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. New conversation
      2. Julian Gill‏ @JulianGill2 18 Dec 2017
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Walked into a @journeys once with a gift card, not knowing the amount on it, decided to cop heelys which happened to cost the exact amount on the card, ayy 🤗

        1 reply 0 retweets 2 likes
      3. Ajit P‏ @ajitpunj 18 Dec 2017
        Replying to @JulianGill2 @TheOnion @journeys

        busted my toe using your heelys, still feel good about that purchase story?

        0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
      4. End of conversation
      1. Steel Wolf‏ @TorturedBucFan 18 Dec 2017
        Replying to @TheOnion

        That would be an amazing achievement! I've tried. Been close, but no cigar

        0 replies 0 retweets 2 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. Howie Bruno‏ @HowieBruno 18 Dec 2017
        Replying to @TheOnion

        as if anyone could plan this

        0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. Cousin of Anarchy‏ @savage_introvrt 18 Dec 2017
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Something similar happened to me at a gas pump once

        0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. BigMan_OnCampus‏ @BigMan_OnCampus 18 Dec 2017
        Replying to @TheOnion

        "Oh, sorry, yeah, sales taxes were increased last month, did you vote?" --- 2 seconds later.

        0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. Outsider to the Internet‏ @verloudFood 18 Dec 2017
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Thank you for doing us a solid an not asking the sales associate out on a date.

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. gremlinbone‏ @kentonagbone 18 Dec 2017
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Ummm satire has to be seated in reality for it to be effective, Onion. This one is too unbelievable.

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. Adan Garcia‏ @Culalam 18 Dec 2017
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Except for the $11.57 in taxes. #@$&@

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. Dan Jansen‏ @_DJansen 18 Dec 2017
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Have a day, Robert.

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo

    Loading seems to be taking a while.

    Twitter may be over capacity or experiencing a momentary hiccup. Try again or visit Twitter Status for more information.

      Promoted Tweet

      false

      • © 2018 Twitter
      • About
      • Help Center
      • Terms
      • Privacy policy
      • Cookies
      • Ads info