Skip to content
  • Home Home Home, current page.
  • Moments Moments Moments, current page.

Saved searches

  • Remove
  • In this conversation
    Verified accountProtected Tweets @
Suggested users
  • Verified accountProtected Tweets @
  • Verified accountProtected Tweets @
  • Language: English
    • Bahasa Indonesia
    • Bahasa Melayu
    • Català
    • Čeština
    • Dansk
    • Deutsch
    • English UK
    • Español
    • Filipino
    • Français
    • Hrvatski
    • Italiano
    • Magyar
    • Nederlands
    • Norsk
    • Polski
    • Português
    • Română
    • Slovenčina
    • Suomi
    • Svenska
    • Tiếng Việt
    • Türkçe
    • Ελληνικά
    • Български език
    • Русский
    • Српски
    • Українська мова
    • עִבְרִית
    • العربية
    • فارسی
    • मराठी
    • हिन्दी
    • বাংলা
    • ગુજરાતી
    • தமிழ்
    • ಕನ್ನಡ
    • ภาษาไทย
    • 한국어
    • 日本語
    • 简体中文
    • 繁體中文
  • Have an account? Log in
    Have an account?
    · Forgot password?

    New to Twitter?
    Sign up
TheOnion's profile
The Onion
The Onion
The Onion
Verified account
@TheOnion

Tweets

The OnionVerified account

@TheOnion

America's Finest News Source.

theonion.com
Joined March 2008

Tweets

  • © 2018 Twitter
  • About
  • Help Center
  • Terms
  • Privacy policy
  • Cookies
  • Ads info
Dismiss
Previous
Next

Go to a person's profile

Saved searches

  • Remove
  • In this conversation
    Verified accountProtected Tweets @
Suggested users
  • Verified accountProtected Tweets @
  • Verified accountProtected Tweets @

Promote this Tweet

Block

  • Tweet with a location

    You can add location information to your Tweets, such as your city or precise location, from the web and via third-party applications. You always have the option to delete your Tweet location history. Learn more

    Your lists

    Create a new list


    Under 100 characters, optional

    Privacy

    Copy link to Tweet

    Embed this Tweet

    Embed this Video

    Add this Tweet to your website by copying the code below. Learn more

    Add this video to your website by copying the code below. Learn more

    Hmm, there was a problem reaching the server.

    By embedding Twitter content in your website or app, you are agreeing to the Twitter Developer Agreement and Developer Policy.

    Preview

    Why you're seeing this ad

    Log in to Twitter

    · Forgot password?
    Don't have an account? Sign up »

    Sign up for Twitter

    Not on Twitter? Sign up, tune into the things you care about, and get updates as they happen.

    Sign up
    Have an account? Log in »

    Two-way (sending and receiving) short codes:

    Country Code For customers of
    United States 40404 (any)
    Canada 21212 (any)
    United Kingdom 86444 Vodafone, Orange, 3, O2
    Brazil 40404 Nextel, TIM
    Haiti 40404 Digicel, Voila
    Ireland 51210 Vodafone, O2
    India 53000 Bharti Airtel, Videocon, Reliance
    Indonesia 89887 AXIS, 3, Telkomsel, Indosat, XL Axiata
    Italy 4880804 Wind
    3424486444 Vodafone
    » See SMS short codes for other countries

    Confirmation

     

    Welcome home!

    This timeline is where you’ll spend most of your time, getting instant updates about what matters to you.

    Tweets not working for you?

    Hover over the profile pic and click the Following button to unfollow any account.

    Say a lot with a little

    When you see a Tweet you love, tap the heart — it lets the person who wrote it know you shared the love.

    Spread the word

    The fastest way to share someone else’s Tweet with your followers is with a Retweet. Tap the icon to send it instantly.

    Join the conversation

    Add your thoughts about any Tweet with a Reply. Find a topic you’re passionate about, and jump right in.

    Learn the latest

    Get instant insight into what people are talking about now.

    Get more of what you love

    Follow more accounts to get instant updates about topics you care about.

    Find what's happening

    See the latest conversations about any topic instantly.

    Never miss a Moment

    Catch up instantly on the best stories happening as they unfold.

    1. The Onion‏Verified account @TheOnion 12 Dec 2017

      Trump Dismisses Accusers As Women https://trib.al/sCUwoZW pic.twitter.com/9JF4HS3OIM

      62 replies 1,905 retweets 6,223 likes
      Show this thread
      The Onion‏Verified account @TheOnion 12 Dec 2017

      "Anyone can see that these disgraceful and false allegations are clearly coming from total, utter women." https://trib.al/BosQL9V pic.twitter.com/YJfWfVdsjF

      4:17 PM - 12 Dec 2017
      • 235 Retweets
      • 914 Likes
      • cum flavored Calvin Ford Last 5 Games Burger King dh Jennifer Kubus Wells Pierre-Simon Laplace Nicklas Mary Burk
      13 replies 235 retweets 914 likes
        1. eyespi‏ @dsr12 12 Dec 2017
          Replying to @TheOnion

          Leave it to @TheOnion to be the most real news

          0 replies 0 retweets 3 likes
          Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
          Undo
        1. New conversation
        2. Larry Lovestein‏ @larrygetslost 12 Dec 2017
          Replying to @TheOnion

          Jeremy Piven took (and passed) a lie detector test and was still perceived as guilty and lost his (and 200 other peoples jobs). Interesting what 280 characters can done. Where did due process go? Now it’s pitchforks and torches.

          3 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
        3. a ghost or some shit‏ @RyanNorthPole 12 Dec 2017
          Replying to @larrygetslost @TheOnion

          There is no such thing as a "lie detector test." Polygraph tests have been widely discredited as pseudoscience.

          1 reply 1 retweet 4 likes
        4. Larry Lovestein‏ @larrygetslost 12 Dec 2017
          Replying to @RyanNorthPole @TheOnion

          I wonder why police still use them

          2 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
        5. 1 more reply
        1. Jo Cool‏ @JoCool14 12 Dec 2017
          Replying to @TheOnion

          He’s showing his intelligence by stating he can tell the difference between women (even “utter” women) and men. He’s smart. He gets a gold star for that.

          0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
          Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
          Undo
        1. An American‏ @51trjjk 13 Dec 2017
          Replying to @TheOnion

          Great literary quote, if only it was in English.

          0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
          Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
          Undo
        1. Kj7818‏ @Kenneth53490116 12 Dec 2017
          Replying to @TheOnion

          Barking mad

          0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
          Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
          Undo
        1. Manny Morales‏ @meymoremey 12 Dec 2017
          Replying to @TheOnion

          Oh poor baby, the chickens: area always coming home to roost

          0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
          Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
          Undo
        1. Tina Luke-Byk‏ @Derby_Barbie 12 Dec 2017
          Replying to @TheOnion

          "I know a lot of words." 😳

          0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
          Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
          Undo
        1. George Mulder‏ @MoonDawgzTwit 12 Dec 2017
          Replying to @TheOnion

          pic.twitter.com/7hXzv1X1DH

          0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
          Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
          Undo
        1. Evan‏ @Bugguy85 12 Dec 2017
          Replying to @TheOnion

          You guys do about as much real reporting as CNN lol

          0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
          Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
          Undo
        1. John Dawkins‏ @JohnWDawkins 12 Dec 2017
          Replying to @TheOnion

          pic.twitter.com/gslR7pE87B

          0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
          Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
          Undo
        1. BigMan_OnCampus‏ @BigMan_OnCampus 12 Dec 2017
          Replying to @TheOnion

          Women should get licensed, MAGA.

          0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
          Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
          Undo

      Loading seems to be taking a while.

      Twitter may be over capacity or experiencing a momentary hiccup. Try again or visit Twitter Status for more information.

        Promoted Tweet

        false

        • © 2018 Twitter
        • About
        • Help Center
        • Terms
        • Privacy policy
        • Cookies
        • Ads info