Skip to content
  • Home Home Home, current page.
  • Moments Moments Moments, current page.

Saved searches

  • Remove
  • In this conversation
    Verified accountProtected Tweets @
Suggested users
  • Verified accountProtected Tweets @
  • Verified accountProtected Tweets @
  • Language: English
    • Bahasa Indonesia
    • Bahasa Melayu
    • Català
    • Čeština
    • Dansk
    • Deutsch
    • English UK
    • Español
    • Filipino
    • Français
    • Hrvatski
    • Italiano
    • Magyar
    • Nederlands
    • Norsk
    • Polski
    • Português
    • Română
    • Slovenčina
    • Suomi
    • Svenska
    • Tiếng Việt
    • Türkçe
    • Ελληνικά
    • Български език
    • Русский
    • Српски
    • Українська мова
    • עִבְרִית
    • العربية
    • فارسی
    • मराठी
    • हिन्दी
    • বাংলা
    • ગુજરાતી
    • தமிழ்
    • ಕನ್ನಡ
    • ภาษาไทย
    • 한국어
    • 日本語
    • 简体中文
    • 繁體中文
  • Have an account? Log in
    Have an account?
    · Forgot password?

    New to Twitter?
    Sign up
TheOnion's profile
The Onion
The Onion
The Onion
Verified account
@TheOnion

Tweets

The OnionVerified account

@TheOnion

America's Finest News Source.

theonion.com
Joined March 2008

Tweets

  • © 2018 Twitter
  • About
  • Help Center
  • Terms
  • Privacy policy
  • Cookies
  • Ads info
Dismiss
Previous
Next

Go to a person's profile

Saved searches

  • Remove
  • In this conversation
    Verified accountProtected Tweets @
Suggested users
  • Verified accountProtected Tweets @
  • Verified accountProtected Tweets @

Promote this Tweet

Block

  • Tweet with a location

    You can add location information to your Tweets, such as your city or precise location, from the web and via third-party applications. You always have the option to delete your Tweet location history. Learn more

    Your lists

    Create a new list


    Under 100 characters, optional

    Privacy

    Copy link to Tweet

    Embed this Tweet

    Embed this Video

    Add this Tweet to your website by copying the code below. Learn more

    Add this video to your website by copying the code below. Learn more

    Hmm, there was a problem reaching the server.

    By embedding Twitter content in your website or app, you are agreeing to the Twitter Developer Agreement and Developer Policy.

    Preview

    Why you're seeing this ad

    Log in to Twitter

    · Forgot password?
    Don't have an account? Sign up »

    Sign up for Twitter

    Not on Twitter? Sign up, tune into the things you care about, and get updates as they happen.

    Sign up
    Have an account? Log in »

    Two-way (sending and receiving) short codes:

    Country Code For customers of
    United States 40404 (any)
    Canada 21212 (any)
    United Kingdom 86444 Vodafone, Orange, 3, O2
    Brazil 40404 Nextel, TIM
    Haiti 40404 Digicel, Voila
    Ireland 51210 Vodafone, O2
    India 53000 Bharti Airtel, Videocon, Reliance
    Indonesia 89887 AXIS, 3, Telkomsel, Indosat, XL Axiata
    Italy 4880804 Wind
    3424486444 Vodafone
    » See SMS short codes for other countries

    Confirmation

     

    Welcome home!

    This timeline is where you’ll spend most of your time, getting instant updates about what matters to you.

    Tweets not working for you?

    Hover over the profile pic and click the Following button to unfollow any account.

    Say a lot with a little

    When you see a Tweet you love, tap the heart — it lets the person who wrote it know you shared the love.

    Spread the word

    The fastest way to share someone else’s Tweet with your followers is with a Retweet. Tap the icon to send it instantly.

    Join the conversation

    Add your thoughts about any Tweet with a Reply. Find a topic you’re passionate about, and jump right in.

    Learn the latest

    Get instant insight into what people are talking about now.

    Get more of what you love

    Follow more accounts to get instant updates about topics you care about.

    Find what's happening

    See the latest conversations about any topic instantly.

    Never miss a Moment

    Catch up instantly on the best stories happening as they unfold.

    The Onion‏Verified account @TheOnion 29 Nov 2017

    Experts Advise Against Throwing Laptop Across Office Even Though It Will Feel Incredible https://trib.al/tJvZGrL pic.twitter.com/Qd36DNTaoX

    8:07 AM - 29 Nov 2017
    • 636 Retweets
    • 2,046 Likes
    • BlogTalkUSA Whit_the_hell_Now World Extra #1 Jake Marzluf Charles Smith Shawn Falletti Pierre-Simon Laplace Alex Clupper Kate
    21 replies 636 retweets 2,046 likes
      1. New conversation
      2. Kristie Otto‏ @kristie_ottobot 29 Nov 2017
        Replying to @TheOnion

        @DrexelFrank what’s the verdict on desktop computers?

        1 reply 0 retweets 3 likes
      3. Michelle Marie  🎃 👻 💀‏ @marie48021 29 Nov 2017
        Replying to @kristie_ottobot @TheOnion

        I say do it!

        0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
      4. End of conversation
      1. New conversation
      2. Erik Petersson‏ @ErikPetersson8 29 Nov 2017
        Replying to @TheOnion

        pic.twitter.com/sbSPKWKTc3

        1 reply 1 retweet 4 likes
      3. 1 more reply
      1. Erik Petersson‏ @ErikPetersson8 29 Nov 2017
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Hahahaha

        0 replies 1 retweet 1 like
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. Vagabond Views‏ @ckouros 29 Nov 2017
        Replying to @TheOnion

        The experts are wrong! :-)

        0 replies 0 retweets 4 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. deadairis‏ @deadairis 29 Nov 2017
        Replying to @TheOnion @TheParkBench

        “So-called” experts

        0 replies 0 retweets 2 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. Dan‏ @akaTrendy 29 Nov 2017
        Replying to @TheOnion

        @IAmSnoopy14 @DosDosHyams

        0 replies 0 retweets 2 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. All The Animals‏ @gollickers 30 Nov 2017
        Replying to @TheOnion @KeeWakw

        Some experts are just less expert than others.

        0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1.  🎆Frenimals 🌃‏ @kiwihaley 29 Nov 2017
        Replying to @TheOnion

        False

        0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. SGL‏ @ClairStefan 1 Dec 2017
        Replying to @TheOnion

        pic.twitter.com/f4KiwWH9FC

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. Zazelby "Don't Show Weakness In Front Of Marvin"‏ @ZazelbyJ 29 Nov 2017
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Does this apply to all laptops or just to your own?

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. Arceuthobium‏ @TheOtherSimo 29 Nov 2017
        Replying to @TheOnion

        I want a second opinion.

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. Michelle Marie  🎃 👻 💀‏ @marie48021 29 Nov 2017
        Replying to @TheOnion

        But its ok if you wear safety glasses right? Asking for a friend.

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. Lee Takamiya‏ @leet793 29 Nov 2017
        Replying to @TheOnion

        What about someone else’s laptop?

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. Anger is a great motivator‏ @VinceValence 29 Nov 2017
        Replying to @TheOnion

        pic.twitter.com/UQv2hOQChN

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. TankBag‏ @TankBag 29 Nov 2017
        Replying to @TheOnion @sahilkapur

        i get the same feeling smashing old TV sets.

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. Thirsty‏ @DPRC18 29 Nov 2017
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Sources please

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo

    Loading seems to be taking a while.

    Twitter may be over capacity or experiencing a momentary hiccup. Try again or visit Twitter Status for more information.

      Promoted Tweet

      false

      • © 2018 Twitter
      • About
      • Help Center
      • Terms
      • Privacy policy
      • Cookies
      • Ads info