Skip to content
  • Home Home Home, current page.
  • Moments Moments Moments, current page.

Saved searches

  • Remove
  • In this conversation
    Verified accountProtected Tweets @
Suggested users
  • Verified accountProtected Tweets @
  • Verified accountProtected Tweets @
  • Language: English
    • Bahasa Indonesia
    • Bahasa Melayu
    • Català
    • Čeština
    • Dansk
    • Deutsch
    • English UK
    • Español
    • Filipino
    • Français
    • Hrvatski
    • Italiano
    • Magyar
    • Nederlands
    • Norsk
    • Polski
    • Português
    • Română
    • Slovenčina
    • Suomi
    • Svenska
    • Tiếng Việt
    • Türkçe
    • Ελληνικά
    • Български език
    • Русский
    • Српски
    • Українська мова
    • עִבְרִית
    • العربية
    • فارسی
    • मराठी
    • हिन्दी
    • বাংলা
    • ગુજરાતી
    • தமிழ்
    • ಕನ್ನಡ
    • ภาษาไทย
    • 한국어
    • 日本語
    • 简体中文
    • 繁體中文
  • Have an account? Log in
    Have an account?
    · Forgot password?

    New to Twitter?
    Sign up
TheOnion's profile
The Onion
The Onion
The Onion
Verified account
@TheOnion

Tweets

The OnionVerified account

@TheOnion

America's Finest News Source.

theonion.com
Joined March 2008

Tweets

  • © 2018 Twitter
  • About
  • Help Center
  • Terms
  • Privacy policy
  • Cookies
  • Ads info
Dismiss
Previous
Next

Go to a person's profile

Saved searches

  • Remove
  • In this conversation
    Verified accountProtected Tweets @
Suggested users
  • Verified accountProtected Tweets @
  • Verified accountProtected Tweets @

Promote this Tweet

Block

  • Tweet with a location

    You can add location information to your Tweets, such as your city or precise location, from the web and via third-party applications. You always have the option to delete your Tweet location history. Learn more

    Your lists

    Create a new list


    Under 100 characters, optional

    Privacy

    Copy link to Tweet

    Embed this Tweet

    Embed this Video

    Add this Tweet to your website by copying the code below. Learn more

    Add this video to your website by copying the code below. Learn more

    Hmm, there was a problem reaching the server.

    By embedding Twitter content in your website or app, you are agreeing to the Twitter Developer Agreement and Developer Policy.

    Preview

    Why you're seeing this ad

    Log in to Twitter

    · Forgot password?
    Don't have an account? Sign up »

    Sign up for Twitter

    Not on Twitter? Sign up, tune into the things you care about, and get updates as they happen.

    Sign up
    Have an account? Log in »

    Two-way (sending and receiving) short codes:

    Country Code For customers of
    United States 40404 (any)
    Canada 21212 (any)
    United Kingdom 86444 Vodafone, Orange, 3, O2
    Brazil 40404 Nextel, TIM
    Haiti 40404 Digicel, Voila
    Ireland 51210 Vodafone, O2
    India 53000 Bharti Airtel, Videocon, Reliance
    Indonesia 89887 AXIS, 3, Telkomsel, Indosat, XL Axiata
    Italy 4880804 Wind
    3424486444 Vodafone
    » See SMS short codes for other countries

    Confirmation

     

    Welcome home!

    This timeline is where you’ll spend most of your time, getting instant updates about what matters to you.

    Tweets not working for you?

    Hover over the profile pic and click the Following button to unfollow any account.

    Say a lot with a little

    When you see a Tweet you love, tap the heart — it lets the person who wrote it know you shared the love.

    Spread the word

    The fastest way to share someone else’s Tweet with your followers is with a Retweet. Tap the icon to send it instantly.

    Join the conversation

    Add your thoughts about any Tweet with a Reply. Find a topic you’re passionate about, and jump right in.

    Learn the latest

    Get instant insight into what people are talking about now.

    Get more of what you love

    Follow more accounts to get instant updates about topics you care about.

    Find what's happening

    See the latest conversations about any topic instantly.

    Never miss a Moment

    Catch up instantly on the best stories happening as they unfold.

    The Onion‏Verified account @TheOnion 22 Nov 2017

    Only College Student Staying On Campus Planning Saddest Thanksgiving Meal Of All Time https://trib.al/Ea2lWv2 pic.twitter.com/mKrj2bq7p5

    11:50 AM - 22 Nov 2017
    • 305 Retweets
    • 1,606 Likes
    • Jackson Banks (((Superduperbored))) Standup Commie Kevin of house Rezac Tyler Aunkst jacob christie Andrew Goldberg Miles Hagen Jason
    28 replies 305 retweets 1,606 likes
      1. New conversation
      2. Greg McMuffin  🥚‏ @greggmcmuffin 22 Nov 2017
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Should be plenty of international students to hang out with bud.

        1 reply 0 retweets 7 likes
      3. Greg McMuffin  🥚‏ @greggmcmuffin 22 Nov 2017
        Replying to @greggmcmuffin @TheOnion

        Oops, clearly should have read it first! Onion you think of everything.

        0 replies 0 retweets 8 likes
      4. End of conversation
      1. Emil Mikolon‏ @MikolonEmil 22 Nov 2017
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Last year I had 2 turkey hot pockets & 4 shots of jack daniels.

        0 replies 0 retweets 6 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. jan‏ @ActualJayZ 22 Nov 2017
        Replying to @TheOnion

        @twy_lee almost you

        0 replies 0 retweets 3 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. Christeena Clandestine Chaos‏ @ChristeenaChaos 22 Nov 2017
        Replying to @TheOnion

        I will be his meal and make him less sad.

        0 replies 0 retweets 3 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. b‏ @ldypainter 22 Nov 2017
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Go volunteer to serve the poor instead of sitting alone on campus. The college should have planned something for those who could not travel home, I think. Be safe & strong young man.

        0 replies 0 retweets 3 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. Tessa‏ @TessaM26 22 Nov 2017
        Replying to @TheOnion

        @hannahgjertson should I invite him over

        1 reply 0 retweets 1 like
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. Mike‏ @HoserMess 22 Nov 2017
        Replying to @TheOnion

        I kind of enjoyed the empty campus.

        0 replies 0 retweets 2 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. mathias‏ @anfield83083 22 Nov 2017
        Replying to @TheOnion

        @BucksFan6969 looks like our old room

        0 replies 1 retweet 0 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. george boseman‏ @cat7912 22 Nov 2017
        Replying to @TheOnion

        I'm having a can of Beanie Weenies and I'm not complaining

        0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. yagirltildz‏ @matildabress 22 Nov 2017
        Replying to @TheOnion

        @rbchessi Thank you for saving me from this

        0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. Petey Isom‏ @PeteyIsom 22 Nov 2017
        Replying to @TheOnion

        This is also the name of the celebration some turkey is enjoying.

        0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. TerribleCharlie‏ @pennicharlie 22 Nov 2017
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Does he really have to plan it or will it just happen?

        0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. Mr. Pulcinella‏ @Pornivorous69 22 Nov 2017
        Replying to @TheOnion

        My cousin came down from Boston and we had Indian. Vindaloo.

        0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. New conversation
      2. JoJo Fanella‏ @jfanella_ 22 Nov 2017
        Replying to @TheOnion

        @larrybarry76 won't have to prep for me because this is what I'm up to lol

        1 reply 0 retweets 0 likes
      3. Tweet unavailable
      4. JoJo Fanella‏ @jfanella_ 22 Nov 2017
        Replying to @larrybarry76 @TheOnion

        I'm in Champaign! I have to work ☹️

        1 reply 0 retweets 0 likes
      5. End of conversation

    Loading seems to be taking a while.

    Twitter may be over capacity or experiencing a momentary hiccup. Try again or visit Twitter Status for more information.

      Promoted Tweet

      false

      • © 2018 Twitter
      • About
      • Help Center
      • Terms
      • Privacy policy
      • Cookies
      • Ads info