Skip to content
  • Home Home Home, current page.
  • Moments Moments Moments, current page.

Saved searches

  • Remove
  • In this conversation
    Verified accountProtected Tweets @
Suggested users
  • Verified accountProtected Tweets @
  • Verified accountProtected Tweets @
  • Language: English
    • Bahasa Indonesia
    • Bahasa Melayu
    • Català
    • Čeština
    • Dansk
    • Deutsch
    • English UK
    • Español
    • Filipino
    • Français
    • Hrvatski
    • Italiano
    • Magyar
    • Nederlands
    • Norsk
    • Polski
    • Português
    • Română
    • Slovenčina
    • Suomi
    • Svenska
    • Tiếng Việt
    • Türkçe
    • Ελληνικά
    • Български език
    • Русский
    • Српски
    • Українська мова
    • עִבְרִית
    • العربية
    • فارسی
    • मराठी
    • हिन्दी
    • বাংলা
    • ગુજરાતી
    • தமிழ்
    • ಕನ್ನಡ
    • ภาษาไทย
    • 한국어
    • 日本語
    • 简体中文
    • 繁體中文
  • Have an account? Log in
    Have an account?
    · Forgot password?

    New to Twitter?
    Sign up
TheOnion's profile
The Onion
The Onion
The Onion
Verified account
@TheOnion

Tweets

The OnionVerified account

@TheOnion

America's Finest News Source.

theonion.com
Joined March 2008

Tweets

  • © 2018 Twitter
  • About
  • Help Center
  • Terms
  • Privacy policy
  • Cookies
  • Ads info
Dismiss
Previous
Next

Go to a person's profile

Saved searches

  • Remove
  • In this conversation
    Verified accountProtected Tweets @
Suggested users
  • Verified accountProtected Tweets @
  • Verified accountProtected Tweets @

Promote this Tweet

Block

  • Tweet with a location

    You can add location information to your Tweets, such as your city or precise location, from the web and via third-party applications. You always have the option to delete your Tweet location history. Learn more

    Your lists

    Create a new list


    Under 100 characters, optional

    Privacy

    Copy link to Tweet

    Embed this Tweet

    Embed this Video

    Add this Tweet to your website by copying the code below. Learn more

    Add this video to your website by copying the code below. Learn more

    Hmm, there was a problem reaching the server.

    By embedding Twitter content in your website or app, you are agreeing to the Twitter Developer Agreement and Developer Policy.

    Preview

    Why you're seeing this ad

    Log in to Twitter

    · Forgot password?
    Don't have an account? Sign up »

    Sign up for Twitter

    Not on Twitter? Sign up, tune into the things you care about, and get updates as they happen.

    Sign up
    Have an account? Log in »

    Two-way (sending and receiving) short codes:

    Country Code For customers of
    United States 40404 (any)
    Canada 21212 (any)
    United Kingdom 86444 Vodafone, Orange, 3, O2
    Brazil 40404 Nextel, TIM
    Haiti 40404 Digicel, Voila
    Ireland 51210 Vodafone, O2
    India 53000 Bharti Airtel, Videocon, Reliance
    Indonesia 89887 AXIS, 3, Telkomsel, Indosat, XL Axiata
    Italy 4880804 Wind
    3424486444 Vodafone
    » See SMS short codes for other countries

    Confirmation

     

    Welcome home!

    This timeline is where you’ll spend most of your time, getting instant updates about what matters to you.

    Tweets not working for you?

    Hover over the profile pic and click the Following button to unfollow any account.

    Say a lot with a little

    When you see a Tweet you love, tap the heart — it lets the person who wrote it know you shared the love.

    Spread the word

    The fastest way to share someone else’s Tweet with your followers is with a Retweet. Tap the icon to send it instantly.

    Join the conversation

    Add your thoughts about any Tweet with a Reply. Find a topic you’re passionate about, and jump right in.

    Learn the latest

    Get instant insight into what people are talking about now.

    Get more of what you love

    Follow more accounts to get instant updates about topics you care about.

    Find what's happening

    See the latest conversations about any topic instantly.

    Never miss a Moment

    Catch up instantly on the best stories happening as they unfold.

    The Onion‏Verified account @TheOnion 18 Nov 2017

    Study: 90% Of Bike Accidents Preventable By Buying Car Like A Normal Person https://trib.al/V4XfT9G pic.twitter.com/mBFanzjhQB

    1:36 PM - 18 Nov 2017
    • 1,790 Retweets
    • 4,699 Likes
    • Victoria Hawk Aylin Ozgen Johnny Barrett Hathaway Deborah Ignaffo Nickywhispers Jenna Chase emaan Kim Cagle
    99 replies 1,790 retweets 4,699 likes
      1. New conversation
      2. Andrew J. Bernstein‏ @BernieTweets 18 Nov 2017
        Replying to @TheOnion

        I love you, @TheOnion, but this is not funny. Whether riding for exercise or transportation, cyclists deserve to be able to ride without being run down by polluting cars. You're on the wrong side with this unfunny satire

        6 replies 2 retweets 16 likes
      3. OysterBoy‏ @drshoaf 18 Nov 2017
        Replying to @BernieTweets

        Is this real? Are you really offended by an Onion article? I need to know if you are actually for real? Seriously?

        3 replies 0 retweets 17 likes
      4.  🏴e^(iπ)+1 🏴‏ @ebdibbett 19 Nov 2017
        Replying to @drshoaf @BernieTweets

        Satire that punches down is shit satire.

        3 replies 0 retweets 5 likes
      5. ethan.minecraft.2005‏ @mavisbeacon03 19 Nov 2017
        Replying to @ebdibbett @drshoaf @BernieTweets

        The oppressed biking class .... Must be protected at all costs

        1 reply 0 retweets 5 likes
      6. Andrew J. Bernstein‏ @BernieTweets 19 Nov 2017
        Replying to @mavisbeacon03 @ebdibbett @drshoaf

        That's what we do in this county -- take care of those more vulnerable.

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
      7. End of conversation
      1. Cormac McCann‏ @cormacomccanno 19 Nov 2017
        Replying to @TheOnion @nigreenways

        98% of fatal car and bicycle collisions would be non-fatal if everyone bought bikes

        0 replies 0 retweets 16 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. New conversation
      2. John‏ @Big_John253 18 Nov 2017
        Replying to @TheOnion

        thing that annoys me most about bikers on the road is that they are always on the busiest roads speeding through stop signs

        2 replies 1 retweet 5 likes
      3. Leland Bailey‏ @theabsolute19 18 Nov 2017
        Replying to @Big_John253 @TheOnion

        From a biker, fuck all bikers that roll red lights and stop signs.

        1 reply 0 retweets 2 likes
      4. Zoe Corgington‏ @zoethecorgi 18 Nov 2017
        Replying to @theabsolute19 @TheOnion

        Thank you, but it’s the norm, not the exception ( in Portland). Also, running down pedestrians in crosswalk and sidewalk.

        0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
      5. End of conversation
      1. New conversation
      2.  🏴e^(iπ)+1 🏴‏ @ebdibbett 18 Nov 2017
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Some satire is fucking stupid. Case in point.

        1 reply 0 retweets 4 likes
      3. Cards 12 in 19‏ @KoltenWongMVP 18 Nov 2017
        Replying to @ebdibbett @TheOnion

        Found the guy who rides a bike!

        0 replies 0 retweets 8 likes
      4. End of conversation
      1. New conversation
      2. Quake‏ @QuakeGW 18 Nov 2017
        Replying to @TheOnion @inihelene

        You would RT this lmaooooo

        1 reply 0 retweets 0 likes
      3. Ines‏Verified account @inihelene 18 Nov 2017
        Replying to @QuakeGW @TheOnion

        Couldn't resist

        2 replies 0 retweets 9 likes
      4. MCFC 1894  🇧🇼‏ @ManCityArmy1894 18 Nov 2017
        Replying to @inihelene @QuakeGW @TheOnion

        Your mentions gonna be flooded again are they still going by the way

        0 replies 0 retweets 3 likes
      5. End of conversation
      1. New conversation
      2. Ben Snow‏ @BenSnow57 18 Nov 2017
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Obeying traffic laws when they ride them would help too. If they drive like they ride they’re doomed either way.

        1 reply 0 retweets 9 likes
      3. BlameMe‏ @RedRocks_76 18 Nov 2017
        Replying to @BenSnow57 @TheOnion

        Hell. Yes.

        0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
      4. End of conversation
      1. New conversation
      2. Farrell‏ @OhhFarrell 18 Nov 2017
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Let’s all burn gas every single day what could possibly happen

        1 reply 0 retweets 5 likes
      3. Omar Mendez‏ @OmarMendez94 18 Nov 2017
        Replying to @OhhFarrell @TheOnion

        pic.twitter.com/oqhejyIOY2

        1 reply 0 retweets 4 likes
      4. Farrell‏ @OhhFarrell 18 Nov 2017
        Replying to @OmarMendez94

        I’m not mad I’m just disappointed. Lol

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
      5. End of conversation
      1. New conversation
      2. Michael Schettig‏ @MichaelSchettig 18 Nov 2017
        Replying to @TheOnion

        I love that they posted this again probably just bc they loved how many cyclists got pissed off the first time

        1 reply 0 retweets 9 likes
      3. 1 more reply

    Loading seems to be taking a while.

    Twitter may be over capacity or experiencing a momentary hiccup. Try again or visit Twitter Status for more information.

      Promoted Tweet

      false

      • © 2018 Twitter
      • About
      • Help Center
      • Terms
      • Privacy policy
      • Cookies
      • Ads info