Skip to content
  • Home Home Home, current page.
  • Moments Moments Moments, current page.

Saved searches

  • Remove
  • In this conversation
    Verified accountProtected Tweets @
Suggested users
  • Verified accountProtected Tweets @
  • Verified accountProtected Tweets @
  • Language: English
    • Bahasa Indonesia
    • Bahasa Melayu
    • Català
    • Čeština
    • Dansk
    • Deutsch
    • English UK
    • Español
    • Filipino
    • Français
    • Hrvatski
    • Italiano
    • Magyar
    • Nederlands
    • Norsk
    • Polski
    • Português
    • Română
    • Slovenčina
    • Suomi
    • Svenska
    • Tiếng Việt
    • Türkçe
    • Ελληνικά
    • Български език
    • Русский
    • Српски
    • Українська мова
    • עִבְרִית
    • العربية
    • فارسی
    • मराठी
    • हिन्दी
    • বাংলা
    • ગુજરાતી
    • தமிழ்
    • ಕನ್ನಡ
    • ภาษาไทย
    • 한국어
    • 日本語
    • 简体中文
    • 繁體中文
  • Have an account? Log in
    Have an account?
    · Forgot password?

    New to Twitter?
    Sign up
TheOnion's profile
The Onion
The Onion
The Onion
Verified account
@TheOnion

Tweets

The OnionVerified account

@TheOnion

America's Finest News Source.

theonion.com
Joined March 2008

Tweets

  • © 2018 Twitter
  • About
  • Help Center
  • Terms
  • Privacy policy
  • Cookies
  • Ads info
Dismiss
Previous
Next

Go to a person's profile

Saved searches

  • Remove
  • In this conversation
    Verified accountProtected Tweets @
Suggested users
  • Verified accountProtected Tweets @
  • Verified accountProtected Tweets @

Promote this Tweet

Block

  • Tweet with a location

    You can add location information to your Tweets, such as your city or precise location, from the web and via third-party applications. You always have the option to delete your Tweet location history. Learn more

    Your lists

    Create a new list


    Under 100 characters, optional

    Privacy

    Copy link to Tweet

    Embed this Tweet

    Embed this Video

    Add this Tweet to your website by copying the code below. Learn more

    Add this video to your website by copying the code below. Learn more

    Hmm, there was a problem reaching the server.

    By embedding Twitter content in your website or app, you are agreeing to the Twitter Developer Agreement and Developer Policy.

    Preview

    Why you're seeing this ad

    Log in to Twitter

    · Forgot password?
    Don't have an account? Sign up »

    Sign up for Twitter

    Not on Twitter? Sign up, tune into the things you care about, and get updates as they happen.

    Sign up
    Have an account? Log in »

    Two-way (sending and receiving) short codes:

    Country Code For customers of
    United States 40404 (any)
    Canada 21212 (any)
    United Kingdom 86444 Vodafone, Orange, 3, O2
    Brazil 40404 Nextel, TIM
    Haiti 40404 Digicel, Voila
    Ireland 51210 Vodafone, O2
    India 53000 Bharti Airtel, Videocon, Reliance
    Indonesia 89887 AXIS, 3, Telkomsel, Indosat, XL Axiata
    Italy 4880804 Wind
    3424486444 Vodafone
    » See SMS short codes for other countries

    Confirmation

     

    Welcome home!

    This timeline is where you’ll spend most of your time, getting instant updates about what matters to you.

    Tweets not working for you?

    Hover over the profile pic and click the Following button to unfollow any account.

    Say a lot with a little

    When you see a Tweet you love, tap the heart — it lets the person who wrote it know you shared the love.

    Spread the word

    The fastest way to share someone else’s Tweet with your followers is with a Retweet. Tap the icon to send it instantly.

    Join the conversation

    Add your thoughts about any Tweet with a Reply. Find a topic you’re passionate about, and jump right in.

    Learn the latest

    Get instant insight into what people are talking about now.

    Get more of what you love

    Follow more accounts to get instant updates about topics you care about.

    Find what's happening

    See the latest conversations about any topic instantly.

    Never miss a Moment

    Catch up instantly on the best stories happening as they unfold.

    The Onion‏Verified account @TheOnion 15 Nov 2017

    Report: Average American Loses $5,000 Each Year From Splitting Check https://trib.al/4Xt0fT2 pic.twitter.com/qVZ8nW4gWZ

    6:47 PM - 15 Nov 2017
    • 169 Retweets
    • 835 Likes
    • peggycorgis Da,esh,awn Surely You Jest.... gwooky Shan Fran Michelle BOO👻Sorio Ryan Purdie Liam Mike Carson
    16 replies 169 retweets 835 likes
      1. New conversation
      2. David Griffen‏ @Longshoremen54 15 Nov 2017
        Replying to @TheOnion

        What total bullshit. Your claim is more than the average American household spend on dinning out in total. I guess you got something to sell.pic.twitter.com/L1Uk9cmCWl

        2 replies 0 retweets 2 likes
      3. eirroC muaB‏ @chapstickaddict 15 Nov 2017
        Replying to @Longshoremen54 @TheOnion

        You know the Onion is satire, not based on actual statistics?

        2 replies 0 retweets 6 likes
      4. David Griffen‏ @Longshoremen54 15 Nov 2017
        Replying to @chapstickaddict @TheOnion

        I know they're funded by companies that sell check splitting software.

        0 replies 0 retweets 4 likes
      5. End of conversation
      1. New conversation
      2. Deanna  💙‏ @VoteMom 15 Nov 2017
        Replying to @TheOnion

        But I only had a salad!!

        1 reply 0 retweets 2 likes
      3. 1 more reply
      1. Evan K. Mills‏ @EvanKMills 16 Nov 2017
        Replying to @TheOnion

        @rmloveland sorry bro, I'll get you back later!

        0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. Matt‏ @mdiede23 16 Nov 2017
        Replying to @razar93 @TheOnion

        I thought the Onion was supposed to be satirical. That article is just speaking truths.

        0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. Surely You Jest....‏ @PunxsySue 27 Nov 2017
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Dear Onion, This one is for real. Pay what you ordered, leave nice tip. Or pay for all. Never run a tab. Never split the check.

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. Fr Aidan Kimel‏ @EOrthodoxy 16 Nov 2017
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Actually, I think I come out on best on splitting 90% of the time. :)

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. Thomas Ian Russell‏‏ @ThomasIanRusse5 15 Nov 2017
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Do what I do! 1. Invite friends out for dinner, scarf up your food & leave, citing a previous engagement. 2. Reach for your wallet & tell others you've left it at home. 3. Fake a heart attack & call an ambulance. 4.Tell them your family just died in a fire!

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. Michele Abec‏ @MicheleAbec 15 Nov 2017
        Replying to @TheOnion

        😂😂

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. Kina Marie‏ @kinamarieST 15 Nov 2017
        Replying to @TheOnion

        This is not true. You would have to be "covering" your friends with at least $97 per week in bad balances, that seems like paying the check.

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. Sousi‏ @sousibrown 15 Nov 2017
        Replying to @TheOnion

        That happened to me once.

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. Pat Eden‏ @pat_eden 15 Nov 2017
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Yeah, I don't even bother anymore.

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. Back Atcha Slick‏ @backatchaslick 15 Nov 2017
        Replying to @TheOnion

        So THAT'S where my $$$ went in my 30s!

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. Jessica Pelletier‏ @maggierose1923 15 Nov 2017
        Replying to @TheOnion

        And the servers of those split checks loose $7,000 a year

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. HollyFrom_HR‏ @Hollyfrom_HR 15 Nov 2017
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Not if you’re the drunk friend

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo

    Loading seems to be taking a while.

    Twitter may be over capacity or experiencing a momentary hiccup. Try again or visit Twitter Status for more information.

      Promoted Tweet

      false

      • © 2018 Twitter
      • About
      • Help Center
      • Terms
      • Privacy policy
      • Cookies
      • Ads info