Skip to content
  • Home Home Home, current page.
  • Moments Moments Moments, current page.

Saved searches

  • Remove
  • In this conversation
    Verified accountProtected Tweets @
Suggested users
  • Verified accountProtected Tweets @
  • Verified accountProtected Tweets @
  • Language: English
    • Bahasa Indonesia
    • Bahasa Melayu
    • Català
    • Čeština
    • Dansk
    • Deutsch
    • English UK
    • Español
    • Filipino
    • Français
    • Hrvatski
    • Italiano
    • Magyar
    • Nederlands
    • Norsk
    • Polski
    • Português
    • Română
    • Slovenčina
    • Suomi
    • Svenska
    • Tiếng Việt
    • Türkçe
    • Ελληνικά
    • Български език
    • Русский
    • Српски
    • Українська мова
    • עִבְרִית
    • العربية
    • فارسی
    • मराठी
    • हिन्दी
    • বাংলা
    • ગુજરાતી
    • தமிழ்
    • ಕನ್ನಡ
    • ภาษาไทย
    • 한국어
    • 日本語
    • 简体中文
    • 繁體中文
  • Have an account? Log in
    Have an account?
    · Forgot password?

    New to Twitter?
    Sign up
TheOnion's profile
The Onion
The Onion
The Onion
Verified account
@TheOnion

Tweets

The OnionVerified account

@TheOnion

America's Finest News Source.

theonion.com
Joined March 2008

Tweets

  • © 2018 Twitter
  • About
  • Help Center
  • Terms
  • Privacy policy
  • Cookies
  • Ads info
Dismiss
Previous
Next

Go to a person's profile

Saved searches

  • Remove
  • In this conversation
    Verified accountProtected Tweets @
Suggested users
  • Verified accountProtected Tweets @
  • Verified accountProtected Tweets @

Promote this Tweet

Block

  • Tweet with a location

    You can add location information to your Tweets, such as your city or precise location, from the web and via third-party applications. You always have the option to delete your Tweet location history. Learn more

    Your lists

    Create a new list


    Under 100 characters, optional

    Privacy

    Copy link to Tweet

    Embed this Tweet

    Embed this Video

    Add this Tweet to your website by copying the code below. Learn more

    Add this video to your website by copying the code below. Learn more

    Hmm, there was a problem reaching the server.

    By embedding Twitter content in your website or app, you are agreeing to the Twitter Developer Agreement and Developer Policy.

    Preview

    Why you're seeing this ad

    Log in to Twitter

    · Forgot password?
    Don't have an account? Sign up »

    Sign up for Twitter

    Not on Twitter? Sign up, tune into the things you care about, and get updates as they happen.

    Sign up
    Have an account? Log in »

    Two-way (sending and receiving) short codes:

    Country Code For customers of
    United States 40404 (any)
    Canada 21212 (any)
    United Kingdom 86444 Vodafone, Orange, 3, O2
    Brazil 40404 Nextel, TIM
    Haiti 40404 Digicel, Voila
    Ireland 51210 Vodafone, O2
    India 53000 Bharti Airtel, Videocon, Reliance
    Indonesia 89887 AXIS, 3, Telkomsel, Indosat, XL Axiata
    Italy 4880804 Wind
    3424486444 Vodafone
    » See SMS short codes for other countries

    Confirmation

     

    Welcome home!

    This timeline is where you’ll spend most of your time, getting instant updates about what matters to you.

    Tweets not working for you?

    Hover over the profile pic and click the Following button to unfollow any account.

    Say a lot with a little

    When you see a Tweet you love, tap the heart — it lets the person who wrote it know you shared the love.

    Spread the word

    The fastest way to share someone else’s Tweet with your followers is with a Retweet. Tap the icon to send it instantly.

    Join the conversation

    Add your thoughts about any Tweet with a Reply. Find a topic you’re passionate about, and jump right in.

    Learn the latest

    Get instant insight into what people are talking about now.

    Get more of what you love

    Follow more accounts to get instant updates about topics you care about.

    Find what's happening

    See the latest conversations about any topic instantly.

    Never miss a Moment

    Catch up instantly on the best stories happening as they unfold.

    The Onion‏Verified account @TheOnion 24 Oct 2017

    Knife Condemned To Week Inside Saran-Wrapped Brownie Pan https://trib.al/KD9HI27 pic.twitter.com/RSNjfd619l

    1:59 PM - 24 Oct 2017
    • 1,982 Retweets
    • 8,932 Likes
    • BadCraziness 🐌 Swilly 🐌 M. J. Mummy🦇 ben 𝓢𝓲𝓻 𝓞𝓬𝓽𝓲 𝓥𝓪𝔃𝓺𝓾𝓮𝔃 ✎♘ alexis y? rOh! Cuz she's dead! 👻 molly 🍂 Shay 🍂
    60 replies 1,982 retweets 8,932 likes
      1. New conversation
      2. Brian Bow‏ @brianjbow 24 Oct 2017
        Replying to @TheOnion

        life in Trump era getting more & more like the Onion. but this joke built on ridiculous premise: no tray of brownies ever lasts a full week.pic.twitter.com/YYdFHwJVDq

        2 replies 0 retweets 47 likes
      3. 1 more reply
      1. Jakie Liebs‏ @xKingXtreme 24 Oct 2017
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Real talk:how the hell does your brownies last a week

        0 replies 0 retweets 20 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. New conversation
      2. bored Ⓥ‏ @Jordanatrics 24 Oct 2017
        Replying to @TheOnion

        @TheAdrianRios we should bake brownies at Chloe’s this weekend lol

        1 reply 0 retweets 1 like
      3. Adrian‏ @TheAdrianRios 24 Oct 2017
        Replying to @Jordanatrics @TheOnion

        LMAO @ the article and HELL YES @ the brownie making!! With sugary Halloween-designed decor on top!! Like freakin' bats. I love Halloween.

        0 replies 1 retweet 1 like
      4. End of conversation
      1. Adam Patterson  🇨🇦‏ @adampatterson 24 Oct 2017
        Replying to @TheOnion @TheLarkInn

        I’m sure that it will get early parole for good behaviour.

        0 replies 0 retweets 3 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. scott s‏ @TheScottShow1 25 Oct 2017
        Replying to @TheOnion

        @Kerry_S3

        0 replies 0 retweets 2 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. Bullsh*t Czar  🇺🇸‏ @TwoWheelJeep 24 Oct 2017
        Replying to @TheOnion

        A week. Very funny. Brownies don’t last that long.

        0 replies 0 retweets 2 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. €ricÏdlefan‏ @DrColinfan 24 Oct 2017
        Replying to @TheOnion

        There's no LIFE for it in there! Cutlery cruelty! (anagrams)

        0 replies 0 retweets 2 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. New conversation
      2. Bobby Whittingham‏ @WhittiTweets 24 Oct 2017
        Replying to @TheOnion

        @thirstyman15 some of their best work

        1 reply 0 retweets 1 like
      3. Tanner Hirst‏ @thirstyman15 24 Oct 2017
        Replying to @WhittiTweets @TheOnion

        Ya but some knives wait they're entire lives to be the brownie knife. It's a prestigious honor

        1 reply 0 retweets 1 like
      4. Bobby Whittingham‏ @WhittiTweets 24 Oct 2017
        Replying to @thirstyman15 @TheOnion

        My thoughts exactly

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
      5. End of conversation
      1. New conversation
      2. David Skidmore‏ @skidmoredavid 24 Oct 2017
        Replying to @TheOnion

        1 week for brownies? Since when is @TheOnion #FakeNews?

        1 reply 0 retweets 2 likes
      3. 1 more reply
      1. oliver‏ @poorhouseinmo 30 Oct 2017
        Replying to @TheOnion @bringonthesong

        LOCK KNIFE UP! LOCK KNIFE UP!

        0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. Damo‏ @dam13nx 24 Oct 2017
        Replying to @TheOnion

        @jocelyn_maria

        0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. Laur Rice‏ @4laurrice 24 Oct 2017
        Replying to @TheOnion

        @IAmAndyRice

        0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. Eugene Colter‏ @EugeneColter 24 Oct 2017
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Brownies untouched for a week? Fake news!

        0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. jacobs george‏ @CasualSmiles 24 Oct 2017
        Replying to @TheOnion @plantsarecool69

        whose brownies last a week on the counter????

        0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. The MadMapper  🌎 🗺‏ @rhonda_c 24 Oct 2017
        Replying to @TheOnion

        That happened here this week with a pan of rice krispie squares #sorryknife #apologies #feelingguilty

        0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo

    Loading seems to be taking a while.

    Twitter may be over capacity or experiencing a momentary hiccup. Try again or visit Twitter Status for more information.

      Promoted Tweet

      false

      • © 2018 Twitter
      • About
      • Help Center
      • Terms
      • Privacy policy
      • Cookies
      • Ads info