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TheOnion's profile
The Onion
The Onion
The Onion
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The OnionVerified account

@TheOnion

America's Finest News Source.

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Joined March 2008

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    The Onion‏Verified account @TheOnion 5 Oct 2017

    Report: Breathing Can Extend Lifespan By Several Decades https://trib.al/hrNVqpd pic.twitter.com/OeF0v3KXd5

    2:41 PM - 5 Oct 2017
    • 622 Retweets
    • 2,278 Likes
    • Alexander lili Evan Marsalli Ben Spielman @Joellimoguy Jacob Rush Duhh-lane-kneee ceo of microsony CIG SOMMELIER (BLACK 👽)BTFD
    25 replies 622 retweets 2,278 likes
      1.  ☕️Spooky Coffee 🎃‏ @twoamcoffee 5 Oct 2017
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Breathing is a liberal conspiracy! Anyone who wants to MAGA should stop breathing now! Obama wanted to make breathing free for everyone!

        0 replies 2 retweets 19 likes
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      1. New conversation
      2. Snarky Sparky‏ @sparkyphi 5 Oct 2017
        Replying to @TheOnion

        I've been breathing for years. Today just achieved my own personal best of most consecutive days without dying. Hooray!

        1 reply 0 retweets 26 likes
      3. 1 more reply
      1. Jennifer Bullock‏ @realjbullock 5 Oct 2017
        Replying to @TheOnion

        I can vouch for this! It's worked for me for the last 40 years.

        0 replies 0 retweets 5 likes
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      1. Tyler: Portrait of a Grumpy Young Man‏ @ThailirVohn 5 Oct 2017
        Replying to @TheOnion

        I wish my dad knew this before that thing happened.

        0 replies 0 retweets 2 likes
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      1. mr dracula slime‏ @slib69420 5 Oct 2017
        Replying to @TheOnion

        fake news

        0 replies 0 retweets 2 likes
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      1. DrScott‏ @aslajoie 5 Oct 2017
        Replying to @TheOnion @SydWeedon

        Depends on air quality.

        0 replies 0 retweets 2 likes
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      1. New conversation
      2. Mark redgwell‏ @Blackprojects 9 Oct 2017
        Replying to @TheOnion @willynasanerd

        No Shit Sherlock!

        1 reply 0 retweets 1 like
      3. William Ruiz 🇵🇷 🇺🇸‏ @willynasanerd 9 Oct 2017
        Replying to @Blackprojects @TheOnion

        What about breathing underwater?

        1 reply 0 retweets 0 likes
      4. Mark redgwell‏ @Blackprojects 9 Oct 2017
        Replying to @willynasanerd @TheOnion

        Get a Scuba tank

        1 reply 0 retweets 1 like
      5. William Ruiz 🇵🇷 🇺🇸‏ @willynasanerd 9 Oct 2017
        Replying to @Blackprojects @TheOnion

        Filled with water

        1 reply 0 retweets 0 likes
      6. Mark redgwell‏ @Blackprojects 9 Oct 2017
        Replying to @willynasanerd @TheOnion

        Drowning Time

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
      7. End of conversation
      1. Spookydex‏ @Wizedex 5 Oct 2017
        Replying to @TheOnion

        pic.twitter.com/T5zy8DQI1r

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
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      1. Daniel Gilbertson‏ @DanielBarb1234 5 Oct 2017
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Wish all the millions of humans that are dead had thought of that. This is a major breakthrough!

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
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      1. Nancy Selinsky‏ @nancyselinsky 5 Oct 2017
        Replying to @TheOnion @Linsley71

        Obvious Ostrich, someone is encroaching on your territory.

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
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      1. Scott Bragg‏ @sbragg14 5 Oct 2017
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Your report did not indicate if nose breathers lived longer than mouth breathers. Perhaps a follow up study is warranted?

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
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      1. Dennis Lafontaine‏ @dennis28879953 5 Oct 2017
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Unless of course your in Los Angeles or even say Baltimore.

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
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