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TheOnion's profile
The Onion
The Onion
The Onion
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@TheOnion

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The OnionVerified account

@TheOnion

America's Finest News Source.

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Joined March 2008

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    The Onion‏Verified account @TheOnion 29 Sep 2017

    Horrified Man Looks On Powerlessly As He Ruins Date https://trib.al/IAHXTPW pic.twitter.com/ANLN5crf7b

    6:41 PM - 29 Sep 2017
    • 275 Retweets
    • 1,450 Likes
    • Pierre-Simon Laplace motel 6 god Allen jake the snake roberts taylor  🐜 EXM Rose 🌹 🏳️‍🌈 lil hotdogwaterboard CatsLikeBoxes
    25 replies 275 retweets 1,450 likes
      1. Spooky 🎃 Flirt Gamer‏ @NFlirtGamer 29 Sep 2017
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Sad saga of 29yo who should be at pinnacle of dating prowess, yet still at high school level of social awkwardness. It's funny but it isn't.

        0 replies 1 retweet 3 likes
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      1. Joseph Davis‏ @JosephCshnDavis 29 Sep 2017
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Why did you do a story about me?

        0 replies 0 retweets 4 likes
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      1.  🦇‏ @ThroatsOvHorror 29 Sep 2017
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Me_irl

        0 replies 0 retweets 2 likes
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      1. ScHoolboy F.‏ @gamino10 29 Sep 2017
        Replying to @TheOnion

        I'm honored you guys would do a story on me

        0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
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      1. Maryothersidepsychic‏ @marythemedium 29 Sep 2017
        Replying to @TheOnion @rastafanahy

        The eyes should have been the first signal to leave early

        0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
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      1. Silversalty‏ @Silversalty 29 Sep 2017
        Replying to @TheOnion

        The gold digger thought he was a bastard rather heir to the throne.

        0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
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      1. wonderer‏ @wondereriam 29 Sep 2017
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Ruining a date can be much more fun than saving it.

        0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
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      1. Amy‏ @AJoyceN 30 Sep 2017
        Replying to @TheOnion

        This is why I'm going to live the rest of my days as a cat lady.

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
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      1. Ed Drennen‏ @EdDrennen1 30 Sep 2017
        Replying to @TheOnion

        I know, asking for doggie bag is a huge mistake. Huge.pic.twitter.com/hMGeRd8o8w

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
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      1. New conversation
      2. Christopher Young‏ @YecoYoung 30 Sep 2017
        Replying to @TheOnion

        @deangelis_jen

        1 reply 0 retweets 0 likes
      3. Jen DeAngelis‏ @deangelis_jen 30 Sep 2017
        Replying to @YecoYoung

        Haha nice

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
      4. End of conversation
      1. C Yates‏ @Leafuss 30 Sep 2017
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Why is Edward Snowdon featured in the picture?

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
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      1. That One Guy‏ @thatoneguy2440 30 Sep 2017
        Replying to @TheOnion

        The Onion writes such hard hitting journalism.pic.twitter.com/xSLejepblC

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
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      1. Hayley McCullough‏ @heyhay123 30 Sep 2017
        Replying to @TheOnion

        @bb_bunnie just another man not even acknowledging a woman’s emotional labor!!! 😂

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
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      1. The Ghastly Spectre of Burt Likko‏ @burtlikko 29 Sep 2017
        Replying to @TheOnion

        It me.

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
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      1. Tony D‏ @biff725 29 Sep 2017
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Skip the Politics

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
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      1. chris s‏ @hugoobrock 29 Sep 2017
        Replying to @TheOnion

        I had a date so bad that it gave me the runs. All this time I thought plums were the devils fruit, scheesh.

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
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      1. JPo‏ @JPo12 29 Sep 2017
        Replying to @TheOnion

        "No, I meant you've got a nice rack... of lamb, babe."

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
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