Skip to content
  • Home Home Home, current page.
  • Moments Moments Moments, current page.

Saved searches

  • Remove
  • In this conversation
    Verified accountProtected Tweets @
Suggested users
  • Verified accountProtected Tweets @
  • Verified accountProtected Tweets @
  • Language: English
    • Bahasa Indonesia
    • Bahasa Melayu
    • Català
    • Čeština
    • Dansk
    • Deutsch
    • English UK
    • Español
    • Filipino
    • Français
    • Hrvatski
    • Italiano
    • Magyar
    • Nederlands
    • Norsk
    • Polski
    • Português
    • Română
    • Slovenčina
    • Suomi
    • Svenska
    • Tiếng Việt
    • Türkçe
    • Ελληνικά
    • Български език
    • Русский
    • Српски
    • Українська мова
    • עִבְרִית
    • العربية
    • فارسی
    • मराठी
    • हिन्दी
    • বাংলা
    • ગુજરાતી
    • தமிழ்
    • ಕನ್ನಡ
    • ภาษาไทย
    • 한국어
    • 日本語
    • 简体中文
    • 繁體中文
  • Have an account? Log in
    Have an account?
    · Forgot password?

    New to Twitter?
    Sign up
TheOnion's profile
The Onion
The Onion
The Onion
Verified account
@TheOnion

Tweets

The OnionVerified account

@TheOnion

America's Finest News Source.

theonion.com
Joined March 2008

Tweets

  • © 2018 Twitter
  • About
  • Help Center
  • Terms
  • Privacy policy
  • Cookies
  • Ads info
Dismiss
Previous
Next

Go to a person's profile

Saved searches

  • Remove
  • In this conversation
    Verified accountProtected Tweets @
Suggested users
  • Verified accountProtected Tweets @
  • Verified accountProtected Tweets @

Promote this Tweet

Block

  • Tweet with a location

    You can add location information to your Tweets, such as your city or precise location, from the web and via third-party applications. You always have the option to delete your Tweet location history. Learn more

    Your lists

    Create a new list


    Under 100 characters, optional

    Privacy

    Copy link to Tweet

    Embed this Tweet

    Embed this Video

    Add this Tweet to your website by copying the code below. Learn more

    Add this video to your website by copying the code below. Learn more

    Hmm, there was a problem reaching the server.

    By embedding Twitter content in your website or app, you are agreeing to the Twitter Developer Agreement and Developer Policy.

    Preview

    Why you're seeing this ad

    Log in to Twitter

    · Forgot password?
    Don't have an account? Sign up »

    Sign up for Twitter

    Not on Twitter? Sign up, tune into the things you care about, and get updates as they happen.

    Sign up
    Have an account? Log in »

    Two-way (sending and receiving) short codes:

    Country Code For customers of
    United States 40404 (any)
    Canada 21212 (any)
    United Kingdom 86444 Vodafone, Orange, 3, O2
    Brazil 40404 Nextel, TIM
    Haiti 40404 Digicel, Voila
    Ireland 51210 Vodafone, O2
    India 53000 Bharti Airtel, Videocon, Reliance
    Indonesia 89887 AXIS, 3, Telkomsel, Indosat, XL Axiata
    Italy 4880804 Wind
    3424486444 Vodafone
    » See SMS short codes for other countries

    Confirmation

     

    Welcome home!

    This timeline is where you’ll spend most of your time, getting instant updates about what matters to you.

    Tweets not working for you?

    Hover over the profile pic and click the Following button to unfollow any account.

    Say a lot with a little

    When you see a Tweet you love, tap the heart — it lets the person who wrote it know you shared the love.

    Spread the word

    The fastest way to share someone else’s Tweet with your followers is with a Retweet. Tap the icon to send it instantly.

    Join the conversation

    Add your thoughts about any Tweet with a Reply. Find a topic you’re passionate about, and jump right in.

    Learn the latest

    Get instant insight into what people are talking about now.

    Get more of what you love

    Follow more accounts to get instant updates about topics you care about.

    Find what's happening

    See the latest conversations about any topic instantly.

    Never miss a Moment

    Catch up instantly on the best stories happening as they unfold.

    The Onion‏Verified account @TheOnion 24 Sep 2017

    Exhausted John Kelly Parks President In Front Of Episode Of ‘Tucker Carlson’ To Get Quick Hour To Himself https://trib.al/r7BnlT0 pic.twitter.com/tsIp8QgE7R

    12:30 PM - 24 Sep 2017
    • 968 Retweets
    • 3,666 Likes
    • Drk 🌹 NOLA Lianl Chris Em Stephanie H Avoy Charlene F Freeman Spaghetti Legs 🎆Frenimals🌃 Peter Brase
    48 replies 968 retweets 3,666 likes
      1. New conversation
      2. Bradley Lawrence‏ @ishist 24 Sep 2017
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Must be nice for you folks that you don't have to make stuff up any more to be funny.

        1 reply 0 retweets 31 likes
      3. Dennis Graber‏ @snoopdance 24 Sep 2017
        Replying to @ishist @TheOnion

        😅🤣😂😥

        0 replies 0 retweets 2 likes
      4. End of conversation
      1.  🅱️® 🅰️ 🍆‏ @netneutralbrad 24 Sep 2017
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Every once in a while the onion just sneaks a real headline

        0 replies 0 retweets 16 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. New conversation
      2. Schmoo 📎‏ @smilon713 24 Sep 2017
        Replying to @TheOnion

        45's shock collar not working?

        1 reply 0 retweets 6 likes
      3. Kris randoomly‏ @toonces_lives 24 Sep 2017
        Replying to @smilon713 @TheOnion

        He likes the shocks, so it doesn't work

        0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
      4. End of conversation
      1. Alicia‏ @rubiesdiamonds 25 Sep 2017
        Replying to @TheOnion

        The sad part: you can actually BELIEVE this without even questioning it.

        0 replies 0 retweets 3 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. Jimmy Bontatibus‏ @JBontatibus 24 Sep 2017
        Replying to @TheOnion

        $100 this is completely true

        0 replies 0 retweets 3 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. SuzyQ‏ @IAmSueSue2 24 Sep 2017
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Oh God this is funny !!!!!!!pic.twitter.com/RfRMyqMVQh

        0 replies 0 retweets 3 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. marinwino‏ @marinwino 25 Sep 2017
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Like putting the toddler in the exersaucer in front of Elmo.

        0 replies 0 retweets 2 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. Zonko Zipper‏ @zonko_zipper 24 Sep 2017
        Replying to @TheOnion

        He could use some Telletubbies time also. Learn some toddler manners.

        0 replies 0 retweets 2 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. B.L. McMillan‏ @PoliticalBee 25 Sep 2017
        Replying to @TheOnion @owillis

        That is EXACTLY how I looked when finding a free hour to decompress from taking care of my grandmother who had dementia.

        0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. Elliot Malet‏ @Elliottmalet 25 Sep 2017
        Replying to @TheOnion @BillKristol

        One has to wonder how much longer will General Kelly remain COS?

        0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. Edgeoforever 🖖‏ @edgeoforever 25 Sep 2017
        Replying to @TheOnion @JeffersonObama

        what? Not Hannity?😱

        0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. regdog‏ @TierzaChels 25 Sep 2017
        Replying to @TheOnion

        When the world is fragged up no on can tell satire from reality.

        0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. Daniel Maybe‏ @DanRunsLong 25 Sep 2017
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Does the President's limo have dual DVD players on the back of the headrests?

        0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. William Vasquez‏ @bbeevee 24 Sep 2017
        Replying to @TheOnion

        I really think it amounts to this.

        0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. Charlene F Freeman‏ @CharleneFFreem1 9 Oct 2017
        Replying to @TheOnion @CeeDeeNY

        It must be exhausting 4 HIM 2 keep up. 🤗

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. JCEquality‏ @jcequality 3 Oct 2017
        Replying to @TheOnion @DrJenGunter

        Babysitting is a tough job.

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo

    Loading seems to be taking a while.

    Twitter may be over capacity or experiencing a momentary hiccup. Try again or visit Twitter Status for more information.

      Promoted Tweet

      false

      • © 2018 Twitter
      • About
      • Help Center
      • Terms
      • Privacy policy
      • Cookies
      • Ads info