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TheOnion's profile
The Onion
The Onion
The Onion
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@TheOnion

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The OnionVerified account

@TheOnion

America's Finest News Source.

theonion.com
Joined March 2008

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    The Onion‏Verified account @TheOnion 8 Sep 2017

    Child Assured It Will Be Long Time Before He Dies http://trib.al/8kDrWdT pic.twitter.com/ITEguHZf2H

    7:27 PM - 8 Sep 2017
    • 163 Retweets
    • 1,169 Likes
    • Jordan Mignani justyn fran Beat Dog Pierre-Simon Laplace NY Yankees Apologist Rhedyn haha more like gay-dyn Thethe Dylan Cyrenne
    18 replies 163 retweets 1,169 likes
      1. Tom Andrews‏ @CarefreeTom_182 8 Sep 2017
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Unlucky guy.

        0 replies 0 retweets 5 likes
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      1. Katy bar the door‏ @kate_ornate 8 Sep 2017
        Replying to @TheOnion

        I realized I would die when I was 6yo. My Dad said, "Whatever happens when you die, I'll have already done it and I'll be waiting for you."

        0 replies 0 retweets 3 likes
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      1. Doug McLachlan‏ @DougHMcLachlan 9 Sep 2017
        Replying to @TheOnion

        @KaraTStarbuck Hey Charlie! "@TheOnion: Child Assured It Will Be Long Time Before He Dies http://trib.al/8kDrWdT  pic.twitter.com/GVbDY7I0Yi"

        0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
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      1. John Burrows‏ @JohnFohf 8 Sep 2017
        Replying to @TheOnion

        I've had this exact conversation with my kids. My son said he's buying a camper, but I can't use it cause I'll already be dead...

        0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
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      1. JeRRY‏ @Jerbo331 8 Sep 2017
        Replying to @TheOnion

        This is great

        0 replies 1 retweet 0 likes
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      1. Kim Kim‏ @AnxietyFriesKim 8 Sep 2017
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Well, statistically.

        0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
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      1. Ed Drennen‏ @EdDrennen1 9 Sep 2017
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Yea no worries kid...pic.twitter.com/x7vmCMrC96

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
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      1. Gaelwyn DeMorte‏ @GaelwynDeMorte 9 Sep 2017
        Replying to @TheOnion

        I remember that lesson!

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
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      1. John Kutr‏ @Johnkutr 8 Sep 2017
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Not necessarily.

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
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      1. Peter Rabitt‏ @P_Rabitt 8 Sep 2017
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Poor kid can't catch a break.

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
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      1. Deadmond 👻 🌹‏ @FireyRedmond 8 Sep 2017
        Replying to @TheOnion

        pic.twitter.com/hjoWjTKkwN

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
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      1. aidan‏ @aidosIaido 8 Sep 2017
        Replying to @TheOnion

        If I heard this I'd kill myself

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
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      1. Too fucking late Mickey‏ @gamerprince1999 8 Sep 2017
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Wow

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
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      1. PooWerta‏ @Chkn_Alfredo 8 Sep 2017
        Replying to @TheOnion

        damn you guys dont pull you punches haha

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
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