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TheOnion's profile
The Onion
The Onion
The Onion
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@TheOnion

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The OnionVerified account

@TheOnion

America's Finest News Source.

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Joined March 2008

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    The Onion‏Verified account @TheOnion 22 Aug 2017

    Study: 0% Of People Die From Getting Fingers Lodged In Bowling Ball And Being Dragged Down Lane http://trib.al/tdjQgnE pic.twitter.com/GsSctjmYYP

    8:42 AM - 22 Aug 2017
    • 541 Retweets
    • 1,949 Likes
    • Branko Lukic Leo T. Schue Bobscratch Goldfarb Boxcar_Jimmy42 dont worry Christopher Albert Songmanne ethan Sam Mines
    31 replies 541 retweets 1,949 likes
      1. Scott in Manhattan‏ @EMAW2008 22 Aug 2017
        Replying to @TheOnion

        You sure? I didn't see this guy get back up....pic.twitter.com/Q0q10aOhiS

        0 replies 0 retweets 11 likes
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      1. Tony Bruno‏Verified account @TonyBrunoShow 23 Aug 2017
        Replying to @TheOnion @amcynic

        thanks for being the sole surviving legitimate source for all my legit news!

        0 replies 0 retweets 7 likes
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      1. Tyler Hill‏ @BEARenstain85 22 Aug 2017
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Thank you for putting my mind at ease. Too many nights forced to stay awake.

        0 replies 0 retweets 6 likes
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      1. New conversation
      2. Akshay‏ @TheWrenchMate 22 Aug 2017
        Replying to @TheOnion

        @BarbadeRahul @madgunner_kam07 bro, thankfully nothing happened to us

        1 reply 1 retweet 1 like
      3. Kamal Nair‏ @Starman_kam007 22 Aug 2017
        Replying to @TheWrenchMate @TheOnion @BarbadeRahul

        Hahaha...😋😂😂😁

        1 reply 0 retweets 0 likes
      4. Akshay‏ @TheWrenchMate 22 Aug 2017
        Replying to @Starman_kam007 @TheOnion @BarbadeRahul

        Surely more percentage of people get killed when the ball slips from your hand and hits the people standing behind.

        1 reply 0 retweets 0 likes
      5. Kamal Nair‏ @Starman_kam007 22 Aug 2017
        Replying to @TheWrenchMate @TheOnion @BarbadeRahul

        Yeah...been there...low ball velocity saved me...😓

        1 reply 0 retweets 1 like
      6. Akshay‏ @TheWrenchMate 22 Aug 2017
        Replying to @Starman_kam007 @TheOnion @BarbadeRahul

        No. My reflexes did. I dropped it 😏😏

        1 reply 0 retweets 0 likes
      7. Kamal Nair‏ @Starman_kam007 22 Aug 2017
        Replying to @TheWrenchMate @TheOnion @BarbadeRahul

        👍

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
      8. End of conversation
      1. Scraps‏ @J_hnGrady 22 Aug 2017
        Replying to @TheOnion

        But let's remember . . . shame is a silent killer.

        0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
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      1. South Saxon #FBPE #EndtheChaos #SussexIndy‏ @pantherwild 22 Aug 2017
        Replying to @TheOnion

        This happened to seven members of my family, and to an old school friend.

        0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
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      1. LoverOfAfrica‏ @BuyiRamoshaba 22 Aug 2017
        Replying to @TheOnion

        @1Armandvdm

        0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
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      1. Christine Roy‏ @ccroy2001 22 Aug 2017
        Replying to @TheOnion

        How do you know? Those it has happened to couldn't respond to the survey...

        0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
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      1. L.A. Writer‏ @SuspiciousHamst 22 Aug 2017
        Replying to @TheOnion

        But what about bleeding to death when your stuck fingers are PULLED OFF when the ball flies away? That's what's gonna happen to me,

        0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
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      1. George Brennan‏ @Gtown_Brennan 22 Aug 2017
        Replying to @TheOnion @jack_mcmullen11

        I hate you

        0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
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      1. John Jurgovan‏ @jurgostuff 22 Aug 2017
        Replying to @TheOnion @bobpeterson_hey

        Then why do I keep having that recurring nightmare???

        0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
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      1. Kelly Hoglund‏ @HMSHoglund 22 Aug 2017
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Then why is the fear SO REAL.

        0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
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      1. Tóth Zoltán‏ @zoyohu 24 Aug 2017
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Thank you, Captain Obvious.

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
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      1. Dave‏ @dave_anson_ 22 Aug 2017
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Who is paying you? 😞

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
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