Skip to content
  • Home Home Home, current page.
  • Moments Moments Moments, current page.

Saved searches

  • Remove
  • In this conversation
    Verified accountProtected Tweets @
Suggested users
  • Verified accountProtected Tweets @
  • Verified accountProtected Tweets @
  • Language: English
    • Bahasa Indonesia
    • Bahasa Melayu
    • Català
    • Čeština
    • Dansk
    • Deutsch
    • English UK
    • Español
    • Filipino
    • Français
    • Hrvatski
    • Italiano
    • Magyar
    • Nederlands
    • Norsk
    • Polski
    • Português
    • Română
    • Slovenčina
    • Suomi
    • Svenska
    • Tiếng Việt
    • Türkçe
    • Ελληνικά
    • Български език
    • Русский
    • Српски
    • Українська мова
    • עִבְרִית
    • العربية
    • فارسی
    • मराठी
    • हिन्दी
    • বাংলা
    • ગુજરાતી
    • தமிழ்
    • ಕನ್ನಡ
    • ภาษาไทย
    • 한국어
    • 日本語
    • 简体中文
    • 繁體中文
  • Have an account? Log in
    Have an account?
    · Forgot password?

    New to Twitter?
    Sign up
TheOnion's profile
The Onion
The Onion
The Onion
Verified account
@TheOnion

Tweets

The OnionVerified account

@TheOnion

America's Finest News Source.

theonion.com
Joined March 2008

Tweets

  • © 2018 Twitter
  • About
  • Help Center
  • Terms
  • Privacy policy
  • Cookies
  • Ads info
Dismiss
Previous
Next

Go to a person's profile

Saved searches

  • Remove
  • In this conversation
    Verified accountProtected Tweets @
Suggested users
  • Verified accountProtected Tweets @
  • Verified accountProtected Tweets @

Promote this Tweet

Block

  • Tweet with a location

    You can add location information to your Tweets, such as your city or precise location, from the web and via third-party applications. You always have the option to delete your Tweet location history. Learn more

    Your lists

    Create a new list


    Under 100 characters, optional

    Privacy

    Copy link to Tweet

    Embed this Tweet

    Embed this Video

    Add this Tweet to your website by copying the code below. Learn more

    Add this video to your website by copying the code below. Learn more

    Hmm, there was a problem reaching the server.

    By embedding Twitter content in your website or app, you are agreeing to the Twitter Developer Agreement and Developer Policy.

    Preview

    Why you're seeing this ad

    Log in to Twitter

    · Forgot password?
    Don't have an account? Sign up »

    Sign up for Twitter

    Not on Twitter? Sign up, tune into the things you care about, and get updates as they happen.

    Sign up
    Have an account? Log in »

    Two-way (sending and receiving) short codes:

    Country Code For customers of
    United States 40404 (any)
    Canada 21212 (any)
    United Kingdom 86444 Vodafone, Orange, 3, O2
    Brazil 40404 Nextel, TIM
    Haiti 40404 Digicel, Voila
    Ireland 51210 Vodafone, O2
    India 53000 Bharti Airtel, Videocon, Reliance
    Indonesia 89887 AXIS, 3, Telkomsel, Indosat, XL Axiata
    Italy 4880804 Wind
    3424486444 Vodafone
    » See SMS short codes for other countries

    Confirmation

     

    Welcome home!

    This timeline is where you’ll spend most of your time, getting instant updates about what matters to you.

    Tweets not working for you?

    Hover over the profile pic and click the Following button to unfollow any account.

    Say a lot with a little

    When you see a Tweet you love, tap the heart — it lets the person who wrote it know you shared the love.

    Spread the word

    The fastest way to share someone else’s Tweet with your followers is with a Retweet. Tap the icon to send it instantly.

    Join the conversation

    Add your thoughts about any Tweet with a Reply. Find a topic you’re passionate about, and jump right in.

    Learn the latest

    Get instant insight into what people are talking about now.

    Get more of what you love

    Follow more accounts to get instant updates about topics you care about.

    Find what's happening

    See the latest conversations about any topic instantly.

    Never miss a Moment

    Catch up instantly on the best stories happening as they unfold.

    The Onion‏Verified account @TheOnion 17 Aug 2017

    Couple At Point Where They're Comfortable Using Toilet At Same Time http://trib.al/YaK4I0p pic.twitter.com/vJRKUK6W1O

    9:03 PM - 17 Aug 2017
    • 88 Retweets
    • 575 Likes
    • Cosoro Radio Jojo Kathryn Lambiotte James Speier Sifonet Jon KooKer namso Pierre-Simon Laplace Andrea Bloodhound
    19 replies 88 retweets 575 likes
      1.  🏳️‍🌈 *Hÿpātíå øf Âmëríčå*  🏳️‍🌈‏ @HypatiaAmerica 17 Aug 2017
        Replying to @TheOnion

        pic.twitter.com/4YCgCw3Kdb

        0 replies 1 retweet 14 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. Jason Parker 🇮🇱‏ @Jason_Parker12 17 Aug 2017
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Meanwhile Melania is uncomfortable using the same house at the same time.

        1 reply 0 retweets 7 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. timo‏ @zeno_e 17 Aug 2017
        Replying to @TheOnion

        This arrangement has never survived diarrhea.

        0 replies 0 retweets 3 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. J Mark‏ @Pete_Monahan_JD 17 Aug 2017
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Weird. My wife isn't comfortable even being in the house when I'm in the bathroom.

        0 replies 0 retweets 3 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. Rich‏ @satireandmore 17 Aug 2017
        Replying to @TheOnion

        How does that work - does one sit on top of the other?

        0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. ElectroBoy‏ @ElectroBoy 17 Aug 2017
        Replying to @TheOnion

        It’s a significant milestone in any relationship. #memories\

        0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. jeess_d‏ @jeess_d 18 Aug 2017
        Replying to @TheOnion

        They then start talking in public about making love porridge.

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. Fact Free‏ @100pcFactFree 18 Aug 2017
        Replying to @TheOnion

        no couple should ever be that comfortable! I think I just cracked why breakups are a pandemic today.

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. Shoshana‏ @shoshfish 18 Aug 2017
        Replying to @TheOnion

        @gkantor_18

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. Tina Kurtz‏ @TinaKurtz1952 17 Aug 2017
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Gross. I've been married to the same man for 44 years and I want my own bathroom

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. Mario Angeli‏ @mangeli1973 17 Aug 2017
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Oh great. Soon they'll be farting in the same room. "Hey, pull this finger?" - young love!

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. JSeattle‏ @JmeSeattle 17 Aug 2017
        Replying to @TheOnion

        And then.... divorce.

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. FE4REELSS‏ @Fe4Reelss 17 Aug 2017
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Blum kin

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. Brandon‏ @WrangleStrangle 17 Aug 2017
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Your content is almost always hilarious but this is just dumb

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. Thick Thighs Save Lives‏ @dontatmedumbass 17 Aug 2017
        Replying to @TheOnion

        No1 shud ever reach that point 😂😂

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo

    Loading seems to be taking a while.

    Twitter may be over capacity or experiencing a momentary hiccup. Try again or visit Twitter Status for more information.

      Promoted Tweet

      false

      • © 2018 Twitter
      • About
      • Help Center
      • Terms
      • Privacy policy
      • Cookies
      • Ads info