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TheOnion's profile
The Onion
The Onion
The Onion
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@TheOnion

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The OnionVerified account

@TheOnion

America's Finest News Source.

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Joined March 2008

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    The Onion‏Verified account @TheOnion 31 Jul 2017

    Centers For Disease Contraction Urges Americans To Suck Doorknob http://trib.al/ESMmBkZ pic.twitter.com/V4nkkQNcSf

    7:33 AM - 31 Jul 2017
    • 344 Retweets
    • 1,218 Likes
    • Charlie Kellogg Michael J McDaniel Ethan T. Berlin smellody💀🎃 M.Salami Jesse Lovell Darragh Mason Field the honorable docter peber 🦅
    22 replies 344 retweets 1,218 likes
      1. Christine E‏ @ChristineMarieB 31 Jul 2017
        Replying to @TheOnion

        I forgot all about the old Love American Style TV shows...pic.twitter.com/QSaXjfdUIw

        0 replies 1 retweet 3 likes
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      1. Washed-up Meme‏ @Zenmaster_Blue 31 Jul 2017
        Replying to @TheOnion

        @BlazeLH @DakotaEarthHorn

        0 replies 0 retweets 5 likes
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      1. Danny Adams‏ @Madwriter1970 31 Jul 2017
        Replying to @TheOnion

        I like the report's advisory that if this is too much for you, you can get the same effect from licking your fingers after handling money.

        0 replies 0 retweets 5 likes
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      1.  🎃 🦇 🌑 Spookhareva Syndrome  💜 💛 💙‏ @wasp_kid 31 Jul 2017
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Steve Bannon sucks his own doorknobs.

        0 replies 0 retweets 3 likes
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      1. 24f/thirsty 4 2d b0is‏ @m02kr 31 Jul 2017
        Replying to @TheOnion

        kinky

        0 replies 0 retweets 2 likes
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      1. Abigail Prudden‏ @abigailprudden 31 Jul 2017
        Replying to @TheOnion

        @JRobs83

        0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
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      1. Styx‏ @LastChanceCraft 31 Jul 2017
        Replying to @TheOnion

        A way for Antivaxxers to still get vaxxed. Problem solving :)

        0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
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      1. what is it with you kids‏ @BenAustinWrites 31 Jul 2017
        Replying to @TheOnion

        @TryTheLandCrab

        0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
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      1. M D K‏ @MDkim2019 31 Jul 2017
        Replying to @TheOnion @holachola

        I bet they do. Lol. Glory hole usa

        0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
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      1. 𝚔𝚊𝚝𝚎  🌂‏ @aintnosailor 31 Jul 2017
        Replying to @TheOnion

        pic.twitter.com/498fWYXoqM

        0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
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      1. Deadmond 👻 🌹‏ @FireyRedmond 31 Jul 2017
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Remember: licking doorknobs is illegal on other planets

        0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
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      1. New conversation
      2. Over it‏ @ChaoticCassyken 31 Jul 2017
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Ooh how I wish the trumpets would follow this advice!

        1 reply 0 retweets 1 like
      3. 1 more reply
      1. New conversation
      2. Chet Pancakes‏ @ChetPancakes 31 Jul 2017
        Replying to @TheOnion

        @KaitlynCraun

        1 reply 0 retweets 0 likes
      3. Kaitlyn Craun‏ @KaitlynCraun 31 Jul 2017
        Replying to @ChetPancakes @TheOnion

        Well if @TheOnion says so...

        1 reply 0 retweets 0 likes
      4. Chet Pancakes‏ @ChetPancakes 31 Jul 2017
        Replying to @KaitlynCraun @TheOnion

        You should apply at the Center For Disease Contraction

        0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
      5. End of conversation
      1. Mech‏ @MechWarriorNY 31 Jul 2017
        Replying to @TheOnion

        https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j-wKgOA_n9o …

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
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      1. Eric Muirhead‏ @emuirhead 31 Jul 2017
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Will be actual name for CDC by the end of this administration.

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
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      1. Sam  📎  🇺🇸‏ @runningDog93 31 Jul 2017
        Replying to @TheOnion

        I can't believe they photoshopped the wiener with a doorknob. #unamerican

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
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