Skip to content
  • Home Home Home, current page.
  • Moments Moments Moments, current page.

Saved searches

  • Remove
  • In this conversation
    Verified accountProtected Tweets @
Suggested users
  • Verified accountProtected Tweets @
  • Verified accountProtected Tweets @
  • Language: English
    • Bahasa Indonesia
    • Bahasa Melayu
    • Català
    • Čeština
    • Dansk
    • Deutsch
    • English UK
    • Español
    • Filipino
    • Français
    • Hrvatski
    • Italiano
    • Magyar
    • Nederlands
    • Norsk
    • Polski
    • Português
    • Română
    • Slovenčina
    • Suomi
    • Svenska
    • Tiếng Việt
    • Türkçe
    • Ελληνικά
    • Български език
    • Русский
    • Српски
    • Українська мова
    • עִבְרִית
    • العربية
    • فارسی
    • मराठी
    • हिन्दी
    • বাংলা
    • ગુજરાતી
    • தமிழ்
    • ಕನ್ನಡ
    • ภาษาไทย
    • 한국어
    • 日本語
    • 简体中文
    • 繁體中文
  • Have an account? Log in
    Have an account?
    · Forgot password?

    New to Twitter?
    Sign up
TheOnion's profile
The Onion
The Onion
The Onion
Verified account
@TheOnion

Tweets

The OnionVerified account

@TheOnion

America's Finest News Source.

theonion.com
Joined March 2008

Tweets

  • © 2018 Twitter
  • About
  • Help Center
  • Terms
  • Privacy policy
  • Cookies
  • Ads info
Dismiss
Previous
Next

Go to a person's profile

Saved searches

  • Remove
  • In this conversation
    Verified accountProtected Tweets @
Suggested users
  • Verified accountProtected Tweets @
  • Verified accountProtected Tweets @

Promote this Tweet

Block

  • Tweet with a location

    You can add location information to your Tweets, such as your city or precise location, from the web and via third-party applications. You always have the option to delete your Tweet location history. Learn more

    Your lists

    Create a new list


    Under 100 characters, optional

    Privacy

    Copy link to Tweet

    Embed this Tweet

    Embed this Video

    Add this Tweet to your website by copying the code below. Learn more

    Add this video to your website by copying the code below. Learn more

    Hmm, there was a problem reaching the server.

    By embedding Twitter content in your website or app, you are agreeing to the Twitter Developer Agreement and Developer Policy.

    Preview

    Why you're seeing this ad

    Log in to Twitter

    · Forgot password?
    Don't have an account? Sign up »

    Sign up for Twitter

    Not on Twitter? Sign up, tune into the things you care about, and get updates as they happen.

    Sign up
    Have an account? Log in »

    Two-way (sending and receiving) short codes:

    Country Code For customers of
    United States 40404 (any)
    Canada 21212 (any)
    United Kingdom 86444 Vodafone, Orange, 3, O2
    Brazil 40404 Nextel, TIM
    Haiti 40404 Digicel, Voila
    Ireland 51210 Vodafone, O2
    India 53000 Bharti Airtel, Videocon, Reliance
    Indonesia 89887 AXIS, 3, Telkomsel, Indosat, XL Axiata
    Italy 4880804 Wind
    3424486444 Vodafone
    » See SMS short codes for other countries

    Confirmation

     

    Welcome home!

    This timeline is where you’ll spend most of your time, getting instant updates about what matters to you.

    Tweets not working for you?

    Hover over the profile pic and click the Following button to unfollow any account.

    Say a lot with a little

    When you see a Tweet you love, tap the heart — it lets the person who wrote it know you shared the love.

    Spread the word

    The fastest way to share someone else’s Tweet with your followers is with a Retweet. Tap the icon to send it instantly.

    Join the conversation

    Add your thoughts about any Tweet with a Reply. Find a topic you’re passionate about, and jump right in.

    Learn the latest

    Get instant insight into what people are talking about now.

    Get more of what you love

    Follow more accounts to get instant updates about topics you care about.

    Find what's happening

    See the latest conversations about any topic instantly.

    Never miss a Moment

    Catch up instantly on the best stories happening as they unfold.

    The Onion‏Verified account @TheOnion 21 Jul 2017

    Local Oaf Not Sure What Part Of Counter You Order At http://trib.al/mkSLpuW pic.twitter.com/ZcGh5nAs2T

    12:53 PM - 21 Jul 2017
    • 295 Retweets
    • 1,279 Likes
    • 🧟‍♂️ SPOOKY ZACH 🧟‍♂️ Texas Chainsaw Mattsacre Calo Alteri Solar Twin Tanner Burch Alex Mize Anna Wrenn 🔮 mateo David Nelson
    23 replies 295 retweets 1,279 likes
      1. Munners‏ @Munnerssss 21 Jul 2017
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Honestly...this is me

        0 replies 0 retweets 11 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. New conversation
      2. Mike E‏ @PupinatorPUP 21 Jul 2017
        Replying to @TheOnion

        This is actually me. This is a picture of me for real

        1 reply 0 retweets 8 likes
      3. 1 more reply
      1. New conversation
      2. Annie‏ @annabelle_brink 21 Jul 2017
        Replying to @TheOnion

        @Caroline_Tuman

        1 reply 0 retweets 1 like
      3. Caroline 🦋‏ @Caroline_Tuman 21 Jul 2017
        Replying to @annabelle_brink @TheOnion

        Gosh I wish they wouldn't publicize my life like that

        0 replies 0 retweets 4 likes
      4. End of conversation
      1. New conversation
      2. Spooky! Rachel‏ @RachelAwks 21 Jul 2017
        Replying to @TheOnion

        @GabriellaPhilly This made me think of everyone who goes to the glass counter to check out 😂

        1 reply 0 retweets 1 like
      3. Gab.‏ @GabriellaPhilly 21 Jul 2017
        Replying to @RachelAwks @TheOnion

        Omg this is the best thing ever😂

        0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
      4. End of conversation
      1. Joseph Gonzales‏ @joseph11ag 21 Jul 2017
        Replying to @TheOnion

        That's me at any deli that's a mile long with a dozen people behind the counter who seem ready to take an order.

        0 replies 0 retweets 2 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. New conversation
      2. sarge n. to (real cheese person)‏ @sofatoes 21 Jul 2017
        Replying to @TheOnion

        @claratoes HAHA like that entitled American lady in Rome at the Vatican café

        1 reply 0 retweets 2 likes
      3. 1 more reply
      1. Dan‏ @akaTrendy 22 Jul 2017
        Replying to @TheOnion

        @DosDosHyams @IAmSnoopy14 me in ny

        0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. BC‏ @Splintor13 21 Jul 2017
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Right near the dangling participle?

        0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. Stephen Dowling‏ @DowlingStedow 21 Jul 2017
        Replying to @TheOnion

        You in boston @kenlawlor75

        0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. New conversation
      2. Will-o'-the-wisp  👻‏ @will_vargo 21 Jul 2017
        Replying to @TheOnion

        @JamieTomori me at the cafeteria downstairs

        1 reply 0 retweets 1 like
      3. 1 more reply
      1. New conversation
      2. Jean Baptiste Emmanuel Zorg‏ @jean_baptiste_z 21 Jul 2017
        Replying to @TheOnion

        The cash register machines used to be good hints where the seller and the customers should be.

        1 reply 0 retweets 1 like
      3. 1 more reply
      1. jim hanna‏ @jimhanna711 21 Jul 2017
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Those oafs....ha....They're the worst.

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. New conversation
      2. Kyle Dagman‏ @kl_dgmn 21 Jul 2017
        Replying to @TheOnion

        @RobbProd

        1 reply 0 retweets 0 likes
      3. End of conversation

    Loading seems to be taking a while.

    Twitter may be over capacity or experiencing a momentary hiccup. Try again or visit Twitter Status for more information.

      Promoted Tweet

      false

      • © 2018 Twitter
      • About
      • Help Center
      • Terms
      • Privacy policy
      • Cookies
      • Ads info