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TheOnion's profile
The Onion
The Onion
The Onion
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@TheOnion

America's Finest News Source.

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Joined March 2008

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    The Onion‏Verified account @TheOnion 9 Jul 2017

    Relationship Experts Recommend Single Women Try Bathing In Open Stream Until Suitor Glimpses Them Through Trees http://trib.al/LaqfPpR pic.twitter.com/8nfYzHOZqu

    8:10 PM - 9 Jul 2017
    • 1,302 Retweets
    • 4,925 Likes
    • Bjwalo Lance Daur Darby Doyle Darth Sammich Weezysup MRB L I N D S A Y Adam The SPOOKIEST Rachel 👻
    79 replies 1,302 retweets 4,925 likes
      1. New conversation
      2. Andrea Kuszewski  🧠‏Verified account @AndreaKuszewski 9 Jul 2017
        Replying to @TheOnion @johndurant

        That's exactly how I met my boyfriend tbh

        1 reply 0 retweets 15 likes
      3. John Durant‏Verified account @johndurant 9 Jul 2017
        Replying to @AndreaKuszewski @TheOnion

        Wait, are you being sarcastic or did you actually meet your bf out in nature or something?

        1 reply 0 retweets 2 likes
      4. Andrea Kuszewski  🧠‏Verified account @AndreaKuszewski 9 Jul 2017
        Replying to @johndurant @TheOnion

        I'm being sarcastic. I really met him at a Silicon Valley science conference, at an after party at a startup house. 😊

        1 reply 0 retweets 15 likes
      5. Andrea Kuszewski  🧠‏Verified account @AndreaKuszewski 9 Jul 2017
        Replying to @AndreaKuszewski @johndurant @TheOnion

        He won me over after he showed me a cool app that he built at a hackathon (100% true story)

        2 replies 0 retweets 11 likes
      6. John Durant‏Verified account @johndurant 9 Jul 2017
        Replying to @AndreaKuszewski @TheOnion

        Nice. I assumed you weren't bathing in a stream, thought it might be on a hike or in a park or something

        0 replies 0 retweets 2 likes
      7. End of conversation
      1. New conversation
      2. John‏ @Jonathan_Blake1 9 Jul 2017
        Replying to @TheOnion @AficionadoChris

        No. What if there's a pervy perv also watching you bathe???

        3 replies 0 retweets 3 likes
      3. Aficionados Crypt  📼‏ @AficionadoChris 9 Jul 2017
        Replying to @Jonathan_Blake1 @TheOnion

        You...you are aware this is satire, right?

        2 replies 0 retweets 8 likes
      4. John‏ @Jonathan_Blake1 9 Jul 2017
        Replying to @AficionadoChris @TheOnion

        Wait... Is that the fake news my teacher was always talking about?

        1 reply 0 retweets 4 likes
      5. Aficionados Crypt  📼‏ @AficionadoChris 9 Jul 2017
        Replying to @Jonathan_Blake1 @TheOnion

        Good to see our public school system is wasting tax payers money.

        1 reply 0 retweets 3 likes
      6. John‏ @Jonathan_Blake1 9 Jul 2017
        Replying to @AficionadoChris @TheOnion

        Yeah. We read an article about high school not preparing high schoolers enough for college, so freshman year in college is like grade 12 1/2

        1 reply 0 retweets 1 like
      7. Aficionados Crypt  📼‏ @AficionadoChris 9 Jul 2017
        Replying to @Jonathan_Blake1 @TheOnion

        Exhibit A.

        0 replies 0 retweets 8 likes
      8. End of conversation
      1. Christopher‏ @BlueprintPod 9 Jul 2017
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Source also says men should engage in a high-earning job before winning a physical fight and rescuing a puppy.

        0 replies 0 retweets 24 likes
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      1. New conversation
      2. Do Better USA‏ @DoBetterUSA 9 Jul 2017
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Tried it ... I got arrested

        1 reply 0 retweets 11 likes
      3. Rex Banner‏ @Inspectjavert 9 Jul 2017
        Replying to @DoBetterUSA @TheOnion

        To be fair a public fountain isn't a normal stream.

        0 replies 0 retweets 3 likes
      4. End of conversation
      1. New conversation
      2. Tony Meade‏ @tonymeade 9 Jul 2017
        Replying to @TheOnion

        There's always lying in a coma in secluded tower.

        3 replies 2 retweets 13 likes
      3. Shay‏ @shaycode 10 Jul 2017
        Replying to @tonymeade @TheOnion

        That's how I meet my men

        1 reply 0 retweets 2 likes
      4. Brass Monkey, that funky Monkey‏ @kimsey_n 10 Jul 2017
        Replying to @shaycode @tonymeade @TheOnion

        Have we met? :)

        1 reply 0 retweets 1 like
      5. Shay‏ @shaycode 10 Jul 2017
        Replying to @kimsey_n @tonymeade @TheOnion

        Hmm. I don't think so!

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
      6. End of conversation
      1. Jenn‏ @MoonlightVoodoo 9 Jul 2017
        Replying to @TheOnion

        I keep doing this, but all I hear is vomiting in the distance.

        0 replies 0 retweets 16 likes
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      1. A$AP CURRY‏Verified account @lisa_curry 10 Jul 2017
        Replying to @TheOnion @BridgetPhetasy

        What are you doing tomorrow afternoon, Bridget? I'm thinking we hit Lake Hollywood.

        0 replies 0 retweets 9 likes
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