Stoled is not a word. Jus sayin. 
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Neither is your entire second sentence ;)
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That was intentional. Using the absurd to illustrate absurdity.
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Yeah, don't quit your day job
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Lol, whatever.
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The liberal snob in me enjoyed this way too much and doesn't feel the least bit guilty about it.
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“According to eyewitnesses who seen it parked there“
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Best laugh I had in 2 weeks and it was your damn headline.
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Fake news
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Who dunned it?
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I seed it happen!
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That there is just a damned shame
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I love The Onion.
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I'm afeared to say (altho I've been drivin' a 4 by 4 junker almost since borned) that this was plum funny.
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Hahaha
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