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TheOnion's profile
The Onion
The Onion
The Onion
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@TheOnion

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    The Onion‏Verified account @TheOnion 19 May 2017

    Report: More Americans Putting Off Retirement Until Final Few Moments Before Death http://trib.al/pO2cGJH pic.twitter.com/8qKbTNwVWC

    7:35 AM - 19 May 2017
    • 481 Retweets
    • 1,292 Likes
    • PwrflBlkween Romantic Catholic C. Charles Pierre-Simon Laplace nothing creative Jason Martinez Cole Duhaime Keith Fitzgerald fenny
    23 replies 481 retweets 1,292 likes
      1. New conversation
      2. nicole (that foul-mouthed girl)‏ @IamRoyalOcean1 19 May 2017
        Replying to @TheOnion

        This isn't satire. Come on. This is real and depressing.

        1 reply 1 retweet 3 likes
      3. V‏ @VillagePanda777 19 May 2017
        Replying to @IamRoyalOcean1 @TheOnion

        It is also thought provoking and it brings the truth to light by shocking people. It is real and depressing, but it is never in the news.

        0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
      4. End of conversation
      1. Heinus cuz you Anus‏ @CoolStoryCorey_ 19 May 2017
        Replying to @TheOnion

        My retirement plan is a heart attack

        0 replies 0 retweets 7 likes
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      1. ᖴoᖇᘿᐺᘿᖇ ᕲᖇᑘᘻ  🤜 💥 🤛‏ @JohnstonDrummer 19 May 2017
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Where's her congrats? She just retired people! 🍾

        0 replies 0 retweets 7 likes
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      1. http://skeleton.bone‏ @EatWorkSleepDie 19 May 2017
        Replying to @TheOnion

        This is inspiring because it suggests that I'll be able to retire

        0 replies 0 retweets 4 likes
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      1. BigMan_OnCampus‏ @BigMan_OnCampus 19 May 2017
        Replying to @TheOnion

        I'm absolutely looking forward to the final few seconds before I slip into a psychedelic pre-death retirement state. Until then I must work.

        0 replies 1 retweet 1 like
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      1. Rob Stultz‏ @RobStultz 19 May 2017
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Money and the cost of dying is the reason for this.

        0 replies 1 retweet 1 like
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      1. Bob Gillan 🕙‏ @goblinlab 19 May 2017
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Slackers! All of them!

        0 replies 0 retweets 2 likes
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      1. New conversation
      2. Suds‏ @gmooms 19 May 2017
        Replying to @TheOnion @montanamodi

        I sometimes think it would be handy to have an expiration date. I like a plan.

        1 reply 0 retweets 1 like
      3. Tweet unavailable
      4. Suds‏ @gmooms 19 May 2017
        Replying to @montanamodi @TheOnion

        What about last message or inscription? It might have been Spike Milligan, said,"Told you I was sick" 😝always liked it for the last word.

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
      5. End of conversation
      1. Krista Maree‏ @MareeKrista 19 May 2017
        Replying to @TheOnion

        .@TheOnion It's why realtors & bankers encourage people in their 40's to take out huge 30 year mortgages & refinance a couple of times.

        0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
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      1. Shawn Preston‏ @PrestonShawn 19 May 2017
        Replying to @TheOnion

        You have to if you want health insurance...

        0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
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      1. What You're Thinking‏ @nofilterparody 19 May 2017
        Replying to @TheOnion

        It's hard to get jobs because they just won't die ahem retire

        0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
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      1. Guuberre‏ @Guuberre 19 May 2017
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Where's the punchline?

        0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
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      1. Ms. Smith‏ @MzMoe204 19 May 2017
        Replying to @TheOnion @wizardofdawes

        Oh my! Is she dead in this picture? 😱 this is sad and depressing.

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
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      1. Diana Dee‏ @DianaDee16 19 May 2017
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Retirement is a modern idea. Traditionally, you worked until you dropped or your kids took pity on you & let you move in w/ them.

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
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      1. Laurie still‏ @Lauriestill 19 May 2017
        Replying to @TheOnion

        This isn't funny!!

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
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      1. Pepsolman 💭‏ @Pepsolman 19 May 2017
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Retirement no longer exists for the middle class.

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
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      1. Michael Spires‏ @inspires25 19 May 2017
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Quit subtweeting my life

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
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