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TheOnion's profile
The Onion
The Onion
The Onion
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@TheOnion

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The OnionVerified account

@TheOnion

America's Finest News Source.

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Joined March 2008

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    The Onion‏Verified account @TheOnion 1 Apr 2017

    Mar-A-Lago Assistant Manager Wondering If Anyone Coming To Collect Nuclear Briefcase From Lost And Found http://trib.al/kbi5IYt pic.twitter.com/mUmjifJQSx

    7:07 AM - 1 Apr 2017
    • 1,705 Retweets
    • 3,408 Likes
    • JP Prusakowski III Molly Friedrichsen The KILLeiniest Guy (I'm joking) Shamin D francis garvey Nothing but respect for *my* president, Gritty Bella Swann Erotica 💋 One-Handed Reading 😘 Марина
    35 replies 1,705 retweets 3,408 likes
      1. steckles‏ @steckles 1 Apr 2017
        Replying to @TheOnion

        😂pic.twitter.com/h690Xwkgmy

        0 replies 24 retweets 52 likes
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      1. New conversation
      2. NCFL42 🇺🇸‏ @NCFL42 1 Apr 2017
        Replying to @TheOnion

        FAKE NEWS ON APRIL FOOLS, HOW APPROPRIATE. BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

        5 replies 2 retweets 7 likes
      3. Jenny Hottle‏ @JennyHottle 1 Apr 2017
        Replying to @NCFL42 @TheOnion

        ...you do realize @TheOnion is a parody news site, yes?

        6 replies 0 retweets 65 likes
      4. it's dean shields‏ @War_Fighter24 1 Apr 2017
        Replying to @JennyHottle @TheOnion

        Look who you are talking to and then rethink your question. This guy probably thinks mexico is buying the wall too.

        0 replies 0 retweets 45 likes
      5. End of conversation
      1. Matt C‏ @MatthewCrocker2 1 Apr 2017
        Replying to @TheOnion

        There's also these codes written on this cocktail napkin. Not sure what they're for..... But there is an orange smudge on them.

        0 replies 2 retweets 19 likes
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      1. New conversation
      2. it's dean shields‏ @War_Fighter24 1 Apr 2017
        Replying to @TheOnion

        I'm certain this isn't satire

        1 reply 0 retweets 9 likes
      3. nu pogodi mofo  🦅‏ @sunnybabybunny 1 Apr 2017
        Replying to @War_Fighter24 @TheOnion

        Is today that one special day if the year when @TheOnion is straight with us?

        1 reply 0 retweets 4 likes
      4. it's dean shields‏ @War_Fighter24 1 Apr 2017
        Replying to @sunnybabybunny @TheOnion

        I mean... this exact scenario, at this point in time, would not surprise me AT ALL

        0 replies 0 retweets 4 likes
      5. End of conversation
      1. New conversation
      2. Petey Isom‏ @PeteyIsom 1 Apr 2017
        Replying to @TheOnion

        at some point after reaching the homeland security operator with built in launch authentication phone the man was finally able to

        1 reply 1 retweet 2 likes
      3. Petey Isom‏ @PeteyIsom 1 Apr 2017
        Replying to @PeteyIsom @TheOnion

        order a pizza with nuclear contaminated sardines. Quality control listening in on the call promptly promoted the operator after

        1 reply 0 retweets 2 likes
      4. Petey Isom‏ @PeteyIsom 1 Apr 2017
        Replying to @PeteyIsom @TheOnion

        being impressed with how a crisis was averted. They are currently setting up a multimillion dollar sting to recover the briefcase

        1 reply 0 retweets 2 likes
      5. Petey Isom‏ @PeteyIsom 1 Apr 2017
        Replying to @PeteyIsom @TheOnion

        by sending the operator in on a date. They will be able to track the target by using meters to pick up the isotopes from the

        1 reply 0 retweets 0 likes
      6. Petey Isom‏ @PeteyIsom 1 Apr 2017
        Replying to @PeteyIsom @TheOnion

        sardines. Thier plan loosely based on a badly written porno will have her seduce the target with the object of his desire.

        1 reply 0 retweets 1 like
      7. Petey Isom‏ @PeteyIsom 1 Apr 2017
        Replying to @PeteyIsom @TheOnion

        when asked why not just ask the man to return the phone agent fiber said that would never work. It's to simple.

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
      8. End of conversation
      1. New conversation
      2. Giovanni Benavides LMHC‏ @seterapia 1 Apr 2017
        Replying to @TheOnion @DonPadget

        The guardian of the football a little distracted like his boss!pic.twitter.com/THgQRmcTs8

        1 reply 0 retweets 2 likes
      3. CrystalBallOps‏ @feefer2 1 Apr 2017
        Replying to @seterapia @TheOnion @DonPadget

        This may help: here's a pic of 'Rick' (the guy who carries "the football" around), thanks to the incredibly careless OPSEC @ Mir-a-Lago:pic.twitter.com/3BFtwTJIZP

        0 replies 1 retweet 1 like
      4. End of conversation
      1. Nancy O'Leary‏ @floweroleary 1 Apr 2017
        Replying to @TheOnion

        I must've missed it 2 weeks ago. I love it!

        0 replies 0 retweets 5 likes
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      1. Kleyton Cooper‏ @kleytoncooper 1 Apr 2017
        Replying to @TheOnion

        .@lorax58 Check the sauna for the sleepy fat guy!

        0 replies 0 retweets 5 likes
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      1. NFW #NotMyPresident‏ @starrhaus 1 Apr 2017
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Please let this be April fool's.😁 Sad that was my first thought🙃

        0 replies 0 retweets 3 likes
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