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TheOnion's profile
The Onion
The Onion
The Onion
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@TheOnion

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The OnionVerified account

@TheOnion

America's Finest News Source.

theonion.com
Joined March 2008

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    The Onion‏Verified account @TheOnion 30 Mar 2017

    'Carpe Diem,' Says Man Who Spent Previous Day Masturbating In Darkened Room http://trib.al/mk2nQaS pic.twitter.com/f6kIdPlbCJ

    8:00 PM - 30 Mar 2017
    • 293 Retweets
    • 1,222 Likes
    • abbo Jeff Dellinger Boo!  A Keith Dixon Halloween xraydude Will Bondurant phil biebs Miguel de Háwk Alex Winski
    22 replies 293 retweets 1,222 likes
      1. New conversation
      2. Shelby Eastman‏ @Bienenschale 30 Mar 2017
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Well, at least he seized something. Right?

        1 reply 0 retweets 9 likes
      3. 1 more reply
      1. New conversation
      2. Josh Zachary‏ @JoshTheHuman00 30 Mar 2017
        Replying to @TheOnion

        @vinceisnthere

        1 reply 0 retweets 0 likes
      3. no‏ @vinceisnthere 30 Mar 2017
        Replying to @JoshTheHuman00 @TheOnion

        i sent this to u on fb newb

        1 reply 0 retweets 1 like
      4. Josh Zachary‏ @JoshTheHuman00 30 Mar 2017
        Replying to @vinceisnthere @TheOnion

        O sry I'm a bad facebooker

        1 reply 0 retweets 0 likes
      5. no‏ @vinceisnthere 30 Mar 2017
        Replying to @JoshTheHuman00 @TheOnion

        tell me about it.

        0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
      6. End of conversation
      1. david‏ @Lohlrific 31 Mar 2017
        Replying to @TheOnion

        @nwillcox carpet done 👌👌😩😩

        0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
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      1. Sparky's Wifey‏ @SparkyWifey 30 Mar 2017
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Was it Sean Spicer?

        0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
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      1. Malcolm Flynn‏ @MalcolmFlynn4 30 Mar 2017
        Replying to @TheOnion

        That wouldn't be Steve Bannon, would it? 😳

        0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
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      1. rachael‏ @mcgoawayylmao 30 Mar 2017
        Replying to @TheOnion

        @chloeluvsjesus

        0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
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      1. Eric Muirhead‏ @emuirhead 30 Mar 2017
        Replying to @TheOnion

        I don't remember talking to the Onion.

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
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      1. Colin Mcleod‏ @MrDrMedicman 30 Mar 2017
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Don't kink-shame me.

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
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      1. JONATHON‏ @gpliafail 30 Mar 2017
        Replying to @TheOnion

        He seized it yesterday...strange what men name their penises....so he proclaiming his intentions to act again today.

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
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      1. New conversation
      2. Petey Isom‏ @PeteyIsom 30 Mar 2017
        Replying to @TheOnion

        sounds like an amateur! You need a multi monitor set up. High end sound system and industrial grip trainers. I blow up doll

        1 reply 0 retweets 0 likes
      3. Petey Isom‏ @PeteyIsom 30 Mar 2017
        Replying to @PeteyIsom @TheOnion

        a choker attached to your ergonomic chair and wrist guards to protect from injury.

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
      4. End of conversation
      1. Dennis egli‏ @DennisEgli 30 Mar 2017
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Seize the dick.

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
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      1. s c harris aka: spooky soros pants potus  👻 👖‏ @get_it_maggie 30 Mar 2017
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Relentless,...and he didn’t clutch his dick nearly dramatically enough.

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
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      1. Lisa isack‏ @lisa_isack 30 Mar 2017
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Are you taking about POTUS?

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
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