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The Onion
The Onion
The Onion
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@TheOnion

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Joined March 2008

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    The Onion‏Verified account @TheOnion 29 Mar 2017

    34-Year-Old Woman Anxiously Realizes She Doesn’t Have Much Time Left To Have Career http://trib.al/9CtzDtx pic.twitter.com/vrnbLdSMKB

    10:32 AM - 29 Mar 2017
    • 128 Retweets
    • 612 Likes
    • Chase Miller Chris Santone Michael Rupp brook RockPowerMgmt seitzinator The rebuild might be fucked S.P. touchéturtle
    15 replies 128 retweets 612 likes
      1. Michael Sheffield‏ @mtsheffield 29 Mar 2017
        Replying to @astrogal97 @TheOnion

        no worries me too and I am 60😀

        0 replies 0 retweets 3 likes
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      1. DADA haiku‏ @DadaHaiku 29 Mar 2017
        Replying to @TheOnion

        36-Year-Old man realizes his teenage porn addiction is here to stay.

        0 replies 0 retweets 4 likes
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      1. SuperBastard‏ @BastardSuper 29 Mar 2017
        Replying to @TheOnion

        I've never felt more like a 34-year-old woman in my life.

        0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
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      1. Nathan J. Hunt‏ @Nathan_JHunt 30 Mar 2017
        Replying to @TheOnion

        I thought this said "to have cancer"

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
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      1. Scowlie the Meerkat‏ @scowlie 30 Mar 2017
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Can someone explain this? I feel dumb. Is it that 34 is too young to worry? Or is she rich so why work? Or a slacker? Is she famous? What?

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
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      1. JeñJeñ  🤦🏻‍♀️‏ @jenilane29 30 Mar 2017
        Replying to @TheOnion

        The timing on this was perfect in that I turned 34 yesterday and my mother lectured me about my biological clock. 😂

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
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      1. JB Lemard-Reid‏ @LemardReid 29 Mar 2017
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Replace anything related to a career with anything related to having a child 😃

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
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      1. Crayoh‏ @crayoh 29 Mar 2017
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Haha, more like not worth working for old white men. Time to start your own company.

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
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      1. Sal BOOnifacio‏ @salbonifacio 29 Mar 2017
        Replying to @TheOnion

        me today

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
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      1. Matiac‏ @Matiac2 29 Mar 2017
        Replying to @TheOnion

        The real Bridget Jones

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
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      1. New conversation
      2. Joseph Tse‏ @jwytsc 29 Mar 2017
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Anything you like to do can be a career

        1 reply 0 retweets 0 likes
      3. Tom Hardison‏ @SirTomToYouSir 29 Mar 2017
        Replying to @jwytsc @TheOnion

        I like to sleep. And not work. Oh, and I like to eat cookies.

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
      4. End of conversation
      1. Rachel‏ @racheldarian 29 Mar 2017
        Replying to @TheOnion

        mmmu

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
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      1. Michael Sheffield‏ @mtsheffield 29 Mar 2017
        Replying to @TheOnion

        tragic

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
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