Skip to content
  • Home Home Home, current page.
  • Moments Moments Moments, current page.

Saved searches

  • Remove
  • In this conversation
    Verified accountProtected Tweets @
Suggested users
  • Verified accountProtected Tweets @
  • Verified accountProtected Tweets @
  • Language: English
    • Bahasa Indonesia
    • Bahasa Melayu
    • Català
    • Čeština
    • Dansk
    • Deutsch
    • English UK
    • Español
    • Filipino
    • Français
    • Hrvatski
    • Italiano
    • Magyar
    • Nederlands
    • Norsk
    • Polski
    • Português
    • Română
    • Slovenčina
    • Suomi
    • Svenska
    • Tiếng Việt
    • Türkçe
    • Ελληνικά
    • Български език
    • Русский
    • Српски
    • Українська мова
    • עִבְרִית
    • العربية
    • فارسی
    • मराठी
    • हिन्दी
    • বাংলা
    • ગુજરાતી
    • தமிழ்
    • ಕನ್ನಡ
    • ภาษาไทย
    • 한국어
    • 日本語
    • 简体中文
    • 繁體中文
  • Have an account? Log in
    Have an account?
    · Forgot password?

    New to Twitter?
    Sign up
TheOnion's profile
The Onion
The Onion
The Onion
Verified account
@TheOnion

Tweets

The OnionVerified account

@TheOnion

America's Finest News Source.

theonion.com
Joined March 2008

Tweets

  • © 2018 Twitter
  • About
  • Help Center
  • Terms
  • Privacy policy
  • Cookies
  • Ads info
Dismiss
Previous
Next

Go to a person's profile

Saved searches

  • Remove
  • In this conversation
    Verified accountProtected Tweets @
Suggested users
  • Verified accountProtected Tweets @
  • Verified accountProtected Tweets @

Promote this Tweet

Block

  • Tweet with a location

    You can add location information to your Tweets, such as your city or precise location, from the web and via third-party applications. You always have the option to delete your Tweet location history. Learn more

    Your lists

    Create a new list


    Under 100 characters, optional

    Privacy

    Copy link to Tweet

    Embed this Tweet

    Embed this Video

    Add this Tweet to your website by copying the code below. Learn more

    Add this video to your website by copying the code below. Learn more

    Hmm, there was a problem reaching the server.

    By embedding Twitter content in your website or app, you are agreeing to the Twitter Developer Agreement and Developer Policy.

    Preview

    Why you're seeing this ad

    Log in to Twitter

    · Forgot password?
    Don't have an account? Sign up »

    Sign up for Twitter

    Not on Twitter? Sign up, tune into the things you care about, and get updates as they happen.

    Sign up
    Have an account? Log in »

    Two-way (sending and receiving) short codes:

    Country Code For customers of
    United States 40404 (any)
    Canada 21212 (any)
    United Kingdom 86444 Vodafone, Orange, 3, O2
    Brazil 40404 Nextel, TIM
    Haiti 40404 Digicel, Voila
    Ireland 51210 Vodafone, O2
    India 53000 Bharti Airtel, Videocon, Reliance
    Indonesia 89887 AXIS, 3, Telkomsel, Indosat, XL Axiata
    Italy 4880804 Wind
    3424486444 Vodafone
    » See SMS short codes for other countries

    Confirmation

     

    Welcome home!

    This timeline is where you’ll spend most of your time, getting instant updates about what matters to you.

    Tweets not working for you?

    Hover over the profile pic and click the Following button to unfollow any account.

    Say a lot with a little

    When you see a Tweet you love, tap the heart — it lets the person who wrote it know you shared the love.

    Spread the word

    The fastest way to share someone else’s Tweet with your followers is with a Retweet. Tap the icon to send it instantly.

    Join the conversation

    Add your thoughts about any Tweet with a Reply. Find a topic you’re passionate about, and jump right in.

    Learn the latest

    Get instant insight into what people are talking about now.

    Get more of what you love

    Follow more accounts to get instant updates about topics you care about.

    Find what's happening

    See the latest conversations about any topic instantly.

    Never miss a Moment

    Catch up instantly on the best stories happening as they unfold.

    1. The Onion‏Verified account @TheOnion 22 Jan 2017

      "I must do these foul deeds to free Papa, thinking only of his pained, spectral face slowly disappearing behind that lantern glass."pic.twitter.com/wbXf6L0AmE

      114 replies 5,203 retweets 11,862 likes
    2. The Onion‏Verified account @TheOnion 22 Jan 2017
      Replying to @TheOnion @KellyannePolls

      Kellyanne Conway, Senior White House Adviser: http://www.theonion.com/blogpost/you-would-do-same-thing-if-old-witch-had-your-fath-55119 …pic.twitter.com/gBDIiorBY5

      19 replies 500 retweets 1,557 likes
      The Onion‏Verified account @TheOnion 22 Jan 2017

      You Would Do The Same Thing If An Old Witch Had Your Father’s Soul Trapped In A Lantern, by Kellyanne Conway http://www.theonion.com/blogpost/you-would-do-same-thing-if-old-witch-had-your-fath-55119 …pic.twitter.com/BpCrVu8kAq

      6:34 PM - 22 Jan 2017
      • 640 Retweets
      • 1,771 Likes
      • EpiphanyPoet disapointment Patrik Vaberer Willamina Danae Riddle✨ Eldritch Whorer Penelope Amanda the Panda Pig_Cookr
      32 replies 640 retweets 1,771 likes
        1. New conversation
        2. Fred‏ @FredICooK 22 Jan 2017
          Replying to @TheOnion @KellyannePolls

          the first woman to run a successful presidential campaign , suck on that lefties

          5 replies 0 retweets 1 like
        3.  ☠️ ⚰️ Spoopy Degenerate  ⚰️ ☠️‏ @Swagmaster760 22 Jan 2017
          Replying to @FredICooK @TheOnion @KellyannePolls

          at least my dad's soul isn't trapped in a lantern, who's the real winner here?

          0 replies 0 retweets 18 likes
        4. End of conversation
        1. @ajsileo914‏ @ajsileo914 22 Jan 2017
          Replying to @TheOnion

          @SethMacFarlane @KellyannePolls haha She hasn't finishd her witches brew yet. She won't release the spirit b/c she's sadistic

          1 reply 0 retweets 0 likes
          Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
          Undo
        1. Good News Everyone!‏ @TerriyakiPanda 22 Jan 2017
          Replying to @TheOnion

          @SethMacFarlane @KellyannePolls if my dad is trapped in a lantern then good. The fuck deserves to be there.

          0 replies 0 retweets 4 likes
          Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
          Undo
        1. New conversation
        2. Bill Margelewski‏ @theRealBigMarge 22 Jan 2017
          Replying to @TheOnion

          U guys @TheOnion are gonna have to be careful with @KellyannePolls . What is onion news and what trump land actually thinks is factual!!!!

          1 reply 0 retweets 2 likes
        3. 1 more reply
        1. New conversation
        2. EdelOdin  😺 🐈 🥓 👗 🚭‏ @Edeludeen 22 Jan 2017
          Replying to @TheOnion @KellyannePolls

          Disgusting JOKE

          1 reply 0 retweets 0 likes
        3. Jason in WA‏ @JasonInWA 22 Jan 2017
          Replying to @Edeludeen @TheOnion @KellyannePolls

          Yes she is. This one is pretty funny though.

          0 replies 0 retweets 2 likes
        4. End of conversation
        1. Paraskevou Elia‏ @paraskeviie 23 Jan 2017
          Replying to @TheOnion @KellyannePolls

          the modern witches @witchpdx may be able to helppic.twitter.com/lkIRySez2H

          0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
          Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
          Undo
        1. Steve Garufi‏ @SteveGarufi 23 Jan 2017
          Replying to @TheOnion @KellyannePolls

          Oh my gosh, that's hilarious!

          0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
          Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
          Undo
        1. ojodio‏ @ojodio_jodi 23 Jan 2017
          Replying to @TheOnion

          @coton_luver One scary woman

          0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
          Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
          Undo
        1. Tobias Lilja‏ @tobbel 23 Jan 2017
          Replying to @TheOnion @SeruK_ @KellyannePolls

          These are pret-ty great.

          0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
          Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
          Undo
        1. LORI COURTNEY MARIE  📚 🐻 🍀 ❄️ 🏆 🎉 🌎 🌹 🔥 ⭐️‏ @lcoco37 23 Jan 2017
          Replying to @TheOnion @SethMacFarlane @KellyannePolls

          God is watching you...from a distance...😳😳😳🙏🙏🙏

          0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
          Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
          Undo
        1. Janice Westbury 🌊‏ @pudee3 22 Jan 2017
          Replying to @TheOnion

          @SethMacFarlane @KellyannePolls Dear Father in Heaven, make the media ignore Kellyanne Conway. Lying breaks your laws. Amen.

          0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
          Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
          Undo
        1. (((RickMichaelson)))‏ @SmilinRick 22 Jan 2017
          Replying to @TheOnion

          @SethMacFarlane @KellyannePolls, I knew I shouldn't have judged you so harshly. Finally an explanation that makes sense!

          0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
          Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
          Undo
        1. Jthan Nobles‏ @jnobles13 22 Jan 2017
          Replying to @TheOnion @KellyannePolls

          @ReidThorn1

          0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
          Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
          Undo
        1. Vote Nov 6th‏ @askceil 22 Jan 2017
          Replying to @TheOnion @kwnherndon

          LOLOMG

          0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
          Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
          Undo

      Loading seems to be taking a while.

      Twitter may be over capacity or experiencing a momentary hiccup. Try again or visit Twitter Status for more information.

        Promoted Tweet

        false

        • © 2018 Twitter
        • About
        • Help Center
        • Terms
        • Privacy policy
        • Cookies
        • Ads info