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TheOnion's profile
The Onion
The Onion
The Onion
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@TheOnion

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The OnionVerified account

@TheOnion

America's Finest News Source.

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Joined March 2008

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    The Onion‏Verified account @TheOnion 17 Jul 2016

    God Freaks Self Out By Lying Awake Contemplating Own Immortality http://onion.com/2a4nqje pic.twitter.com/8HAhdnELLs

    7:48 PM - 17 Jul 2016
    • 478 Retweets
    • 1,369 Likes
    • Valentine Cantu Karole Monaco Ann Janssens Melissa B CJ Whitt Mallery Williams Jon F Sajid Rushad Darla Crawford
    19 replies 478 retweets 1,369 likes
      1. New conversation
      2. jack seeley‏ @jmseels97 18 Jul 2016
        Replying to @TheOnion

        @jacobpilawa for some reason this reminded me of you and your multiple existential crises throughout the year

        1 reply 0 retweets 2 likes
      3. jacob  🚩 🏴‏ @jacobpilawa 18 Jul 2016
        Replying to @jmseels97 @TheOnion

        i love you oh my god this is me so much

        0 replies 0 retweets 2 likes
      4. End of conversation
      1. Andrew Faircloth‏ @afaircloth18 17 Jul 2016
        Replying to @TheOnion

        @ASAPCoghlan @Terrant13

        0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
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      1. 🅁.🅆.🄺.🅃.‏ @theonlymanhere 18 Jul 2016
        Replying to @TheOnion

        ...& wonders if dentures would make it feel more "in the moment"...at least something to look at soaking in that glass by the bed.

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
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      1. ...‏ @shivyou 18 Jul 2016
        Replying to @TheOnion

        lol

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
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      1. actually‏ @shitjuliethinks 18 Jul 2016
        Replying to @TheOnion

        about damn time.

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
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      1. Gavin Spooks‏ @guvnor99 18 Jul 2016
        Replying to @TheOnion

        @Clockwork_Pixel

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
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      1. katherine mellow‏ @katydid_alot 18 Jul 2016
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Maybe it's time for another Extinction Event on that Sims game/earth?Fresh start and all that? Sometimes that helps.

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
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      1. Denise Mosley‏ @tdm827 17 Jul 2016
        Replying to @TheOnion

        this messed me up for like a good thirty minutes 😱

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
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      1. Bob‏ @PsychoBobo 17 Jul 2016
        Replying to @TheOnion

        living forever and yet still procrastinating getting anything done

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
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      1. Goofpoop‏ @TheRealGoofpoop 17 Jul 2016
        Replying to @TheOnion

        What a happy ending. That was a good read

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
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      1. ResistTrump‏ @SphallSteve1245 17 Jul 2016
        Replying to @TheOnion

        He and I have something in common then!

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
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      1. Bob Gerstner‏ @BobGerstner1 17 Jul 2016
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Glad that I have something in common with the Almighty.

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
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      1. Kenneth Mosetti‏ @KMosetti 17 Jul 2016
        Replying to @TheOnion

        AG ,Lynch said will spare no expense bring guilty party to justice. It was a computer chip made in China that caused the problem.

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
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      1. Kenneth Mosetti‏ @KMosetti 17 Jul 2016
        Replying to @TheOnion

        The Military took responsibility for the error, blaming a computer glitch for the attack.

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
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      1. Kenneth Mosetti‏ @KMosetti 17 Jul 2016
        Replying to @TheOnion

        A Drone fired on a same sex pervert wedding in Arlington VA Today. The wedding party was killed.

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
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      1. Algonquin Bear‏ @CKAhlquist 17 Jul 2016
        Replying to @TheOnion

        is this a misprint? immorality*

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
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      1. Dr. Pablo Pistola‏ @drpablopistola 17 Jul 2016
        Replying to @TheOnion

        I thought God worried most about who won the latest sports event #blessed

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
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      1. righteous axe‏ @righteousaxe 17 Jul 2016
        Replying to @TheOnion

        god doesn't have a britta?

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
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