@TheOnion @TylerGall read this NOW. 
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@TylerGall dude I can see this being you so easily

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@IamJakeTheSnake it is. They wrote an article in the future of me and my son
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@TylerGall absolutely, you're the next Frank Murphy
End of conversation
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@TheOnion One of life's valuable lessens. How to get the wife from nagging you, and gives you an excuse to cool off at a bar for awhile.Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. UndoUndo
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@TheOnion That is a skill goddammit!Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. UndoUndo
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@TheOnion@TownCarSweg Also how not to leave bruises so no one will believe youThanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. UndoUndo
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@TheOnion The dad in this picture looks vaguely like@artiequitter, that is to say, if Artie was healthy, thin and capable of reproducing.Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. UndoUndo
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@TheOnion@E_Schunk@schunker61 excellentThanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. UndoUndo
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@TheOnion "If you see her reaching for her woman card, you must pounce"Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. UndoUndo
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@TheOnion @aggie_mac53Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. UndoUndo
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@TheOnion ahhhh, memories!! I miss you Dad!#YouThinkILikeHittingYou?Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. UndoUndo
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@TheOnion was literally just thinking about how my dad did this yesterdayThanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. UndoUndo
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@TheOnion


spot onThanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. UndoUndo
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@TheOnion I think mine must have gotten the speech...Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. UndoUndo
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