Skip to content
  • Home Home Home, current page.
  • Moments Moments Moments, current page.

Saved searches

  • Remove
  • In this conversation
    Verified accountProtected Tweets @
Suggested users
  • Verified accountProtected Tweets @
  • Verified accountProtected Tweets @
  • Language: English
    • Bahasa Indonesia
    • Bahasa Melayu
    • Català
    • Čeština
    • Dansk
    • Deutsch
    • English UK
    • Español
    • Filipino
    • Français
    • Hrvatski
    • Italiano
    • Magyar
    • Nederlands
    • Norsk
    • Polski
    • Português
    • Română
    • Slovenčina
    • Suomi
    • Svenska
    • Tiếng Việt
    • Türkçe
    • Ελληνικά
    • Български език
    • Русский
    • Српски
    • Українська мова
    • עִבְרִית
    • العربية
    • فارسی
    • मराठी
    • हिन्दी
    • বাংলা
    • ગુજરાતી
    • தமிழ்
    • ಕನ್ನಡ
    • ภาษาไทย
    • 한국어
    • 日本語
    • 简体中文
    • 繁體中文
  • Have an account? Log in
    Have an account?
    · Forgot password?

    New to Twitter?
    Sign up
TheOnion's profile
The Onion
The Onion
The Onion
Verified account
@TheOnion

Tweets

The OnionVerified account

@TheOnion

America's Finest News Source.

theonion.com
Joined March 2008

Tweets

  • © 2018 Twitter
  • About
  • Help Center
  • Terms
  • Privacy policy
  • Cookies
  • Ads info
Dismiss
Previous
Next

Go to a person's profile

Saved searches

  • Remove
  • In this conversation
    Verified accountProtected Tweets @
Suggested users
  • Verified accountProtected Tweets @
  • Verified accountProtected Tweets @

Promote this Tweet

Block

  • Tweet with a location

    You can add location information to your Tweets, such as your city or precise location, from the web and via third-party applications. You always have the option to delete your Tweet location history. Learn more

    Your lists

    Create a new list


    Under 100 characters, optional

    Privacy

    Copy link to Tweet

    Embed this Tweet

    Embed this Video

    Add this Tweet to your website by copying the code below. Learn more

    Add this video to your website by copying the code below. Learn more

    Hmm, there was a problem reaching the server.

    By embedding Twitter content in your website or app, you are agreeing to the Twitter Developer Agreement and Developer Policy.

    Preview

    Why you're seeing this ad

    Log in to Twitter

    · Forgot password?
    Don't have an account? Sign up »

    Sign up for Twitter

    Not on Twitter? Sign up, tune into the things you care about, and get updates as they happen.

    Sign up
    Have an account? Log in »

    Two-way (sending and receiving) short codes:

    Country Code For customers of
    United States 40404 (any)
    Canada 21212 (any)
    United Kingdom 86444 Vodafone, Orange, 3, O2
    Brazil 40404 Nextel, TIM
    Haiti 40404 Digicel, Voila
    Ireland 51210 Vodafone, O2
    India 53000 Bharti Airtel, Videocon, Reliance
    Indonesia 89887 AXIS, 3, Telkomsel, Indosat, XL Axiata
    Italy 4880804 Wind
    3424486444 Vodafone
    » See SMS short codes for other countries

    Confirmation

     

    Welcome home!

    This timeline is where you’ll spend most of your time, getting instant updates about what matters to you.

    Tweets not working for you?

    Hover over the profile pic and click the Following button to unfollow any account.

    Say a lot with a little

    When you see a Tweet you love, tap the heart — it lets the person who wrote it know you shared the love.

    Spread the word

    The fastest way to share someone else’s Tweet with your followers is with a Retweet. Tap the icon to send it instantly.

    Join the conversation

    Add your thoughts about any Tweet with a Reply. Find a topic you’re passionate about, and jump right in.

    Learn the latest

    Get instant insight into what people are talking about now.

    Get more of what you love

    Follow more accounts to get instant updates about topics you care about.

    Find what's happening

    See the latest conversations about any topic instantly.

    Never miss a Moment

    Catch up instantly on the best stories happening as they unfold.

    The Onion‏Verified account @TheOnion 5 Apr 2016

    Tech Company Develops Chewable Coffee http://onion.com/2388eJB  #WhatDoYouThink?pic.twitter.com/0Z0eUgY2Nv

    7:30 AM - 5 Apr 2016
    • 98 Retweets
    • 226 Likes
    • Java Mark Carla - Zco Bob Goddard Driftaway Coffee Zach Cook ☕️ mara ☾ New Train Media Kyle Seiwert
    10 replies 98 retweets 226 likes
      1. New conversation
      2. TheHoff'sTightSpeedo‏ @ninjasandbacon 5 Apr 2016
        Replying to @TheOnion

        @TheOnion Can I still spit this onto my assistant's chest when he screws up?

        1 reply 0 retweets 1 like
      3. GO CUBES  🚀‏ @gocubes 5 Apr 2016
        Replying to @ninjasandbacon

        @ninjasandbacon @TheOnion yes even stickier and messy to spit than normal coffee

        1 reply 0 retweets 2 likes
      4. TheHoff'sTightSpeedo‏ @ninjasandbacon 5 Apr 2016
        Replying to @gocubes

        @gocubes @TheOnion In that case, I'll aim for chest hair.

        0 replies 1 retweet 1 like
      5. End of conversation
      1. New conversation
      2. Paul Unr Morrison‏ @iamunr 5 Apr 2016
        Replying to @TheOnion

        @TheOnion But... this is actually a thing? Not even an onion article. :) https://gocub.es/  cc @nootrobox

        1 reply 0 retweets 1 like
      3. Liam Koehler‏ @liamskoehler 5 Apr 2016
        Replying to @iamunr

        @iamunr @TheOnion @nootrobox the onion does silly articles, but also does silly "comments" by their editors on real stuff they find silly.

        0 replies 0 retweets 2 likes
      4. End of conversation
      1. New conversation
      2. liz nooyen‏ @LNooyen 5 Apr 2016
        Replying to @TheOnion

        @TheOnion would that this were true....

        1 reply 0 retweets 0 likes
      3. GO CUBES  🚀‏ @gocubes 5 Apr 2016
        Replying to @LNooyen

        @LNooyen yes it's true.

        0 replies 0 retweets 2 likes
      4. End of conversation
      1. Joseph Hertzlinger‏ @jhertzli 5 Apr 2016
        Replying to @TheOnion

        @TheOnion Is this also available for tea?

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. Alan T‏ @AlanT101 5 Apr 2016
        Replying to @TheOnion

        @TheOnion Well strong coffee is very chewy and cut by a knife. But it will keep you up for a week without blinking

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. Skechy Max Normal‏ @bustmykeyboard 5 Apr 2016
        Replying to @TheOnion

        "@TheOnion: Tech Company Develops Chewable Coffee http://onion.com/2388eJB  #WhatDoYouThink? pic.twitter.com/jxnygp5R07"

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. Joe Linstrum‏ @joe_44850 5 Apr 2016
        Replying to @TheOnion

        @TheOnion I can't wait until they invent gum that dissolves in your mouth after a few minutes

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. Chip‏ @stillchip 5 Apr 2016
        Replying to @TheOnion

        @TheOnion It just wouldn't do for me to go on rounds servicing customers with 4 or 5 sticks of caffeinated chewing gum in my mouth ;)

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. New conversation
      2. Lauren Lockwood‏ @lflockwood 5 Apr 2016
        Replying to @TheOnion

        @TheOnion This is actually a thinghttp://www.newgroundsfood.com/ 

        1 reply 0 retweets 0 likes
      3. GO CUBES  🚀‏ @gocubes 5 Apr 2016
        Replying to @lflockwood

        @lflockwood @TheOnion nah that's a bar. Weaksauce

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
      4. End of conversation

    Loading seems to be taking a while.

    Twitter may be over capacity or experiencing a momentary hiccup. Try again or visit Twitter Status for more information.

      Promoted Tweet

      false

      • © 2018 Twitter
      • About
      • Help Center
      • Terms
      • Privacy policy
      • Cookies
      • Ads info