Skip to content
  • Home Home Home, current page.
  • Moments Moments Moments, current page.

Saved searches

  • Remove
  • In this conversation
    Verified accountProtected Tweets @
Suggested users
  • Verified accountProtected Tweets @
  • Verified accountProtected Tweets @
  • Language: English
    • Bahasa Indonesia
    • Bahasa Melayu
    • Català
    • Čeština
    • Dansk
    • Deutsch
    • English UK
    • Español
    • Filipino
    • Français
    • Hrvatski
    • Italiano
    • Magyar
    • Nederlands
    • Norsk
    • Polski
    • Português
    • Română
    • Slovenčina
    • Suomi
    • Svenska
    • Tiếng Việt
    • Türkçe
    • Ελληνικά
    • Български език
    • Русский
    • Српски
    • Українська мова
    • עִבְרִית
    • العربية
    • فارسی
    • मराठी
    • हिन्दी
    • বাংলা
    • ગુજરાતી
    • தமிழ்
    • ಕನ್ನಡ
    • ภาษาไทย
    • 한국어
    • 日本語
    • 简体中文
    • 繁體中文
  • Have an account? Log in
    Have an account?
    · Forgot password?

    New to Twitter?
    Sign up
TheOnion's profile
The Onion
The Onion
The Onion
Verified account
@TheOnion

Tweets

The OnionVerified account

@TheOnion

America's Finest News Source.

theonion.com
Joined March 2008

Tweets

  • © 2018 Twitter
  • About
  • Help Center
  • Terms
  • Privacy policy
  • Cookies
  • Ads info
Dismiss
Previous
Next

Go to a person's profile

Saved searches

  • Remove
  • In this conversation
    Verified accountProtected Tweets @
Suggested users
  • Verified accountProtected Tweets @
  • Verified accountProtected Tweets @

Promote this Tweet

Block

  • Tweet with a location

    You can add location information to your Tweets, such as your city or precise location, from the web and via third-party applications. You always have the option to delete your Tweet location history. Learn more

    Your lists

    Create a new list


    Under 100 characters, optional

    Privacy

    Copy link to Tweet

    Embed this Tweet

    Embed this Video

    Add this Tweet to your website by copying the code below. Learn more

    Add this video to your website by copying the code below. Learn more

    Hmm, there was a problem reaching the server.

    By embedding Twitter content in your website or app, you are agreeing to the Twitter Developer Agreement and Developer Policy.

    Preview

    Why you're seeing this ad

    Log in to Twitter

    · Forgot password?
    Don't have an account? Sign up »

    Sign up for Twitter

    Not on Twitter? Sign up, tune into the things you care about, and get updates as they happen.

    Sign up
    Have an account? Log in »

    Two-way (sending and receiving) short codes:

    Country Code For customers of
    United States 40404 (any)
    Canada 21212 (any)
    United Kingdom 86444 Vodafone, Orange, 3, O2
    Brazil 40404 Nextel, TIM
    Haiti 40404 Digicel, Voila
    Ireland 51210 Vodafone, O2
    India 53000 Bharti Airtel, Videocon, Reliance
    Indonesia 89887 AXIS, 3, Telkomsel, Indosat, XL Axiata
    Italy 4880804 Wind
    3424486444 Vodafone
    » See SMS short codes for other countries

    Confirmation

     

    Welcome home!

    This timeline is where you’ll spend most of your time, getting instant updates about what matters to you.

    Tweets not working for you?

    Hover over the profile pic and click the Following button to unfollow any account.

    Say a lot with a little

    When you see a Tweet you love, tap the heart — it lets the person who wrote it know you shared the love.

    Spread the word

    The fastest way to share someone else’s Tweet with your followers is with a Retweet. Tap the icon to send it instantly.

    Join the conversation

    Add your thoughts about any Tweet with a Reply. Find a topic you’re passionate about, and jump right in.

    Learn the latest

    Get instant insight into what people are talking about now.

    Get more of what you love

    Follow more accounts to get instant updates about topics you care about.

    Find what's happening

    See the latest conversations about any topic instantly.

    Never miss a Moment

    Catch up instantly on the best stories happening as they unfold.

    The Onion‏Verified account @TheOnion 12 Feb 2016

    Girlfriend Just Wants To Have Low-Key, Laid-Back Valentine's Day Fight This Year http://onion.com/1TgrMp2 pic.twitter.com/2tecuko7eZ

    9:50 AM - 12 Feb 2016
    • 528 Retweets
    • 1,056 Likes
    • Josephine Attwood Janet Smith None Emma Jones Mike Baranova Vilena Katie Thomson Susan Mc.Cathy Catherine MacAdam
    14 replies 528 retweets 1,056 likes
      1. Brian Rochford‏ @rochford_brian 12 Feb 2016
        Replying to @TheOnion

        @TheOnion @egoscarmike

        0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. Frizzie McGuire‏ @amanduhhhhpleas 13 Feb 2016
        Replying to @TheOnion

        @TheOnion @me next time

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. Amr Samir‏ @avoidaccess 13 Feb 2016
        Replying to @TheOnion

        @TheOnion No big deal, a 54 inch LED for my valentine would just do!

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. Jeffery Folsom‏ @JefferyFolsom1 12 Feb 2016
        Replying to @TheOnion

        @TheOnion just tell her you dont want desert at the restaurant that'll be a treat

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. Fall In 360‏ @fallin_360 12 Feb 2016
        Replying to @TheOnion

        @TheOnion funny

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. maryann‏ @maryannmom 12 Feb 2016
        Replying to @TheOnion

        @TheOnion You are some demented souls

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. Margie‏ @margiearkcity 12 Feb 2016
        Replying to @TheOnion

        @TheOnion believe you are truly their equal???

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. Margie‏ @margiearkcity 12 Feb 2016
        Replying to @TheOnion

        @TheOnion around you they will be your future husbands, co-workers who will compete against you for jobs, future bosses. Do they really

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. Margie‏ @margiearkcity 12 Feb 2016
        Replying to @TheOnion

        @TheOnion not b/c her boyfriend influenced her in any way. She just wanted to please her man. Young ladies take a long look at the males

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. Doug Marcum‏ @doug_marcum 12 Feb 2016
        Replying to @TheOnion

        @TheOnion To keep it laid back, I'd suggest nothing about his mom. Definitely go after him about that shitty landing strip on his chin .

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. katherine mellow‏ @katydid_alot 12 Feb 2016
        Replying to @TheOnion

        @TheOnion That would be a nice change.It gets really hard, trying to remember shitty things he did, 10 years ago, so you can bring them up.

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. Chris Kozub‏ @recon5961 12 Feb 2016
        Replying to @TheOnion

        @TheOnion Take her out early in the day and make sure all her drinks are dbl's. Result, she will pass out early and your day is done.

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. Chad Serrant‏ @therealchadius 12 Feb 2016
        Replying to @TheOnion

        @TheOnion Too SAVAGE

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. Bryant Compton‏ @ChannelEi8ht 12 Feb 2016
        Replying to @TheOnion

        @TheOnion Hidden camera time!

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo

    Loading seems to be taking a while.

    Twitter may be over capacity or experiencing a momentary hiccup. Try again or visit Twitter Status for more information.

      Promoted Tweet

      false

      • © 2018 Twitter
      • About
      • Help Center
      • Terms
      • Privacy policy
      • Cookies
      • Ads info