Skip to content
  • Home Home Home, current page.
  • Moments Moments Moments, current page.

Saved searches

  • Remove
  • In this conversation
    Verified accountProtected Tweets @
Suggested users
  • Verified accountProtected Tweets @
  • Verified accountProtected Tweets @
  • Language: English
    • Bahasa Indonesia
    • Bahasa Melayu
    • Català
    • Čeština
    • Dansk
    • Deutsch
    • English UK
    • Español
    • Filipino
    • Français
    • Hrvatski
    • Italiano
    • Magyar
    • Nederlands
    • Norsk
    • Polski
    • Português
    • Română
    • Slovenčina
    • Suomi
    • Svenska
    • Tiếng Việt
    • Türkçe
    • Ελληνικά
    • Български език
    • Русский
    • Српски
    • Українська мова
    • עִבְרִית
    • العربية
    • فارسی
    • मराठी
    • हिन्दी
    • বাংলা
    • ગુજરાતી
    • தமிழ்
    • ಕನ್ನಡ
    • ภาษาไทย
    • 한국어
    • 日本語
    • 简体中文
    • 繁體中文
  • Have an account? Log in
    Have an account?
    · Forgot password?

    New to Twitter?
    Sign up
TheOnion's profile
The Onion
The Onion
The Onion
Verified account
@TheOnion

Tweets

The OnionVerified account

@TheOnion

America's Finest News Source.

theonion.com
Joined March 2008

Tweets

  • © 2018 Twitter
  • About
  • Help Center
  • Terms
  • Privacy policy
  • Cookies
  • Ads info
Dismiss
Previous
Next

Go to a person's profile

Saved searches

  • Remove
  • In this conversation
    Verified accountProtected Tweets @
Suggested users
  • Verified accountProtected Tweets @
  • Verified accountProtected Tweets @

Promote this Tweet

Block

  • Tweet with a location

    You can add location information to your Tweets, such as your city or precise location, from the web and via third-party applications. You always have the option to delete your Tweet location history. Learn more

    Your lists

    Create a new list


    Under 100 characters, optional

    Privacy

    Copy link to Tweet

    Embed this Tweet

    Embed this Video

    Add this Tweet to your website by copying the code below. Learn more

    Add this video to your website by copying the code below. Learn more

    Hmm, there was a problem reaching the server.

    By embedding Twitter content in your website or app, you are agreeing to the Twitter Developer Agreement and Developer Policy.

    Preview

    Why you're seeing this ad

    Log in to Twitter

    · Forgot password?
    Don't have an account? Sign up »

    Sign up for Twitter

    Not on Twitter? Sign up, tune into the things you care about, and get updates as they happen.

    Sign up
    Have an account? Log in »

    Two-way (sending and receiving) short codes:

    Country Code For customers of
    United States 40404 (any)
    Canada 21212 (any)
    United Kingdom 86444 Vodafone, Orange, 3, O2
    Brazil 40404 Nextel, TIM
    Haiti 40404 Digicel, Voila
    Ireland 51210 Vodafone, O2
    India 53000 Bharti Airtel, Videocon, Reliance
    Indonesia 89887 AXIS, 3, Telkomsel, Indosat, XL Axiata
    Italy 4880804 Wind
    3424486444 Vodafone
    » See SMS short codes for other countries

    Confirmation

     

    Welcome home!

    This timeline is where you’ll spend most of your time, getting instant updates about what matters to you.

    Tweets not working for you?

    Hover over the profile pic and click the Following button to unfollow any account.

    Say a lot with a little

    When you see a Tweet you love, tap the heart — it lets the person who wrote it know you shared the love.

    Spread the word

    The fastest way to share someone else’s Tweet with your followers is with a Retweet. Tap the icon to send it instantly.

    Join the conversation

    Add your thoughts about any Tweet with a Reply. Find a topic you’re passionate about, and jump right in.

    Learn the latest

    Get instant insight into what people are talking about now.

    Get more of what you love

    Follow more accounts to get instant updates about topics you care about.

    Find what's happening

    See the latest conversations about any topic instantly.

    Never miss a Moment

    Catch up instantly on the best stories happening as they unfold.

    The Onion‏Verified account @TheOnion 28 Jan 2016

    Open Floor Plan Increases Office Shooter’s Productivity By 95% http://onion.com/1OQmgpa pic.twitter.com/Bn4bqFp6Mi

    6:01 AM - 28 Jan 2016
    • 224 Retweets
    • 538 Likes
    • Atagahi Benjamin Rae TBN Sport Michael Kalish Hunter Andrew McInerney Brad Thiede ⚜️ La Reine ⚜️ Ethan Rose
    14 replies 224 retweets 538 likes
      1. Joshua Locke‏ @thejoshlocke 29 Jan 2016
        Replying to @TheOnion

        @TheOnion @iamaubrian

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. Fat in Public‏ @garlicmeg 28 Jan 2016
        Replying to @TheOnion

        @TheOnion Wildly inappropriate and therefore very funny.

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. OZONE BURN‏ @OzoneBurn 28 Jan 2016
        Replying to @TheOnion

        @TheOnion funny as hell. True, sad ... But still funny " feel the flow of the room" bahahahahahaha

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. Purple Cock Emoji‏ @PurpleCockEmoji 28 Jan 2016
        Replying to @TheOnion

        @TheOnion purple penis emoji approves of this idea. Well done gang.

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. Vincent Vega Vargas‏ @Mr_TearGas 28 Jan 2016
        Replying to @TheOnion

        @TheOnion LOL, even more so with all the overly sensitive Twitter comments.

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. Kaleth Calderón‏ @Kaleth_11 28 Jan 2016
        Replying to @TheOnion

        @TheOnion so nobody can hide? Lol

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. Juan Molina‏ @Juanmb23 28 Jan 2016
        Replying to @TheOnion

        @TheOnion the NRA says stfu. Trying to downplay that this happens so regularly.

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. Andy Mely‏ @onbibisell 28 Jan 2016
        Replying to @TheOnion

        @TheOnion , have a products? We have buyers. It will be free presentation at http://www.bibisell.com pic.twitter.com/Mxs38fC53S

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. New conversation
      2. Ryan Bower‏ @RBower_126 28 Jan 2016
        Replying to @TheOnion

        @TheOnion I realize you write satire - but isn't this a little in poor taste?

        1 reply 0 retweets 0 likes
      3. Tweet unavailable
      4. Ryan Bower‏ @RBower_126 28 Jan 2016
        Replying to @Seyonextue

        @CringeChannels @TheOnion Straw man argument - that's not the discussion point here.

        2 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
      5. End of conversation
      1. Brad Thiede‏ @ThiedeBrad 28 Jan 2016
        Replying to @TheOnion

        @TheOnion I love the redemptive aspect of gallows humor--I can have it![I'll keep my eye out and be steadfastly vigilant against out ethics]

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. RAj kumar‏ @officialRajkr 28 Jan 2016
        Replying to @TheOnion

        @TheOnion n

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo

    Loading seems to be taking a while.

    Twitter may be over capacity or experiencing a momentary hiccup. Try again or visit Twitter Status for more information.

      Promoted Tweet

      false

      • © 2018 Twitter
      • About
      • Help Center
      • Terms
      • Privacy policy
      • Cookies
      • Ads info