@TheOnion Small towns evacuated for fear of Conductor falling asleep on the layout.
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@TheOnion My fatigue contributed to excessive@netflix watching on the couch today.#firstworldproblems#WineTimeThanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. UndoUndo
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@TheOnion massive tragedy for all concerned

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@TheOnion Oh the humanity!Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. UndoUndo
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@TheOnion I actually laughed at something on here... BravoThanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. UndoUndo
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@TheOnion you always make me laugh and for that I thank you.Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. UndoUndo
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@TheOnion damn onion.Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. UndoUndo
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Think of all those little lives that are lost.
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@TheOnion Gomez Addams never bothered making any excuses.Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. UndoUndo
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@TheOnion so amazingThanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. UndoUndo
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@TheOnion
these are the best stories!Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. UndoUndo
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@TheOnion Lord have mercy !Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. UndoUndo
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@TheOnion 27 plastic people injured.Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. UndoUndo
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@TheOnion Fatigue, nah he nodded off after shooting dope.Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. UndoUndo
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