Skip to content
  • Home Home Home, current page.
  • Moments Moments Moments, current page.

Saved searches

  • Remove
  • In this conversation
    Verified accountProtected Tweets @
Suggested users
  • Verified accountProtected Tweets @
  • Verified accountProtected Tweets @
  • Language: English
    • Bahasa Indonesia
    • Bahasa Melayu
    • Català
    • Čeština
    • Dansk
    • Deutsch
    • English UK
    • Español
    • Filipino
    • Français
    • Hrvatski
    • Italiano
    • Magyar
    • Nederlands
    • Norsk
    • Polski
    • Português
    • Română
    • Slovenčina
    • Suomi
    • Svenska
    • Tiếng Việt
    • Türkçe
    • Ελληνικά
    • Български език
    • Русский
    • Српски
    • Українська мова
    • עִבְרִית
    • العربية
    • فارسی
    • मराठी
    • हिन्दी
    • বাংলা
    • ગુજરાતી
    • தமிழ்
    • ಕನ್ನಡ
    • ภาษาไทย
    • 한국어
    • 日本語
    • 简体中文
    • 繁體中文
  • Have an account? Log in
    Have an account?
    · Forgot password?

    New to Twitter?
    Sign up
TheOnion's profile
The Onion
The Onion
The Onion
Verified account
@TheOnion

Tweets

The OnionVerified account

@TheOnion

America's Finest News Source.

theonion.com
Joined March 2008

Tweets

  • © 2018 Twitter
  • About
  • Help Center
  • Terms
  • Privacy policy
  • Cookies
  • Ads info
Dismiss
Previous
Next

Go to a person's profile

Saved searches

  • Remove
  • In this conversation
    Verified accountProtected Tweets @
Suggested users
  • Verified accountProtected Tweets @
  • Verified accountProtected Tweets @

Promote this Tweet

Block

  • Tweet with a location

    You can add location information to your Tweets, such as your city or precise location, from the web and via third-party applications. You always have the option to delete your Tweet location history. Learn more

    Your lists

    Create a new list


    Under 100 characters, optional

    Privacy

    Copy link to Tweet

    Embed this Tweet

    Embed this Video

    Add this Tweet to your website by copying the code below. Learn more

    Add this video to your website by copying the code below. Learn more

    Hmm, there was a problem reaching the server.

    By embedding Twitter content in your website or app, you are agreeing to the Twitter Developer Agreement and Developer Policy.

    Preview

    Why you're seeing this ad

    Log in to Twitter

    · Forgot password?
    Don't have an account? Sign up »

    Sign up for Twitter

    Not on Twitter? Sign up, tune into the things you care about, and get updates as they happen.

    Sign up
    Have an account? Log in »

    Two-way (sending and receiving) short codes:

    Country Code For customers of
    United States 40404 (any)
    Canada 21212 (any)
    United Kingdom 86444 Vodafone, Orange, 3, O2
    Brazil 40404 Nextel, TIM
    Haiti 40404 Digicel, Voila
    Ireland 51210 Vodafone, O2
    India 53000 Bharti Airtel, Videocon, Reliance
    Indonesia 89887 AXIS, 3, Telkomsel, Indosat, XL Axiata
    Italy 4880804 Wind
    3424486444 Vodafone
    » See SMS short codes for other countries

    Confirmation

     

    Welcome home!

    This timeline is where you’ll spend most of your time, getting instant updates about what matters to you.

    Tweets not working for you?

    Hover over the profile pic and click the Following button to unfollow any account.

    Say a lot with a little

    When you see a Tweet you love, tap the heart — it lets the person who wrote it know you shared the love.

    Spread the word

    The fastest way to share someone else’s Tweet with your followers is with a Retweet. Tap the icon to send it instantly.

    Join the conversation

    Add your thoughts about any Tweet with a Reply. Find a topic you’re passionate about, and jump right in.

    Learn the latest

    Get instant insight into what people are talking about now.

    Get more of what you love

    Follow more accounts to get instant updates about topics you care about.

    Find what's happening

    See the latest conversations about any topic instantly.

    Never miss a Moment

    Catch up instantly on the best stories happening as they unfold.

    The Onion‏Verified account @TheOnion 13 Nov 2015

    Everything Taking Too Long http://onion.com/1Sp4Yjh pic.twitter.com/qLBZ2i8tda

    7:30 AM - 13 Nov 2015
    • 543 Retweets
    • 864 Likes
    • Diet Dr Handsome Brendan Reilly Sweet Sixteen 10 Year Reunion Party ben sears aman siddiqui Tyler Hanneke Rawlings Yarborough Deft Beck Justin Brown
    19 replies 543 retweets 864 likes
      1. New conversation
      2. Katherine Baird‏ @kathbaird2 13 Nov 2015
        Replying to @TheOnion

        @TheOnion @hnauth13 @jasminechaslep #applebees

        1 reply 0 retweets 2 likes
      3. Hannah Nauth‏ @hnauth13 13 Nov 2015
        Replying to @kathbaird2

        @kathbaird2 @TheOnion @jasminechaslep yes.

        0 replies 0 retweets 2 likes
      4. End of conversation
      1. Chris Catalano‏ @ThisCatIsOnFire 13 Nov 2015
        Replying to @TheOnion

        @TheOnion took too long to read

        0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. Calvin Stamps king c‏ @calvin_stamps00 13 Nov 2015
        Replying to @TheOnion

        @TheOnion he look very upset his food take ing to long to cook lol fat guys smh less go to the park and walk ok

        0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. Smax McFroggins‏ @Ramsiris75 13 Nov 2015
        Replying to @TheOnion

        @TheOnion Yes this is what my entire life feels like

        0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. Kristen Adams‏ @kristen_h_adams 13 Nov 2015
        Replying to @TheOnion

        @TheOnion @HeddaFlaherty Hahaha, nice!

        0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. Stacey Popeil‏ @number5in 13 Nov 2015
        Replying to @TheOnion

        @TheOnion I always refer to you as "My Beloved Onion." This is why.

        0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. 86 / 45‏ @psyguy1540 13 Nov 2015
        Replying to @TheOnion

        @TheOnion 15 paragraphs! Are you shitting me? We get the gist already, give us a break.

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. EV‏ @funkinspunkin 13 Nov 2015
        Replying to @TheOnion

        @TheOnion it's the same in the uk

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. 86 / 45‏ @psyguy1540 13 Nov 2015
        Replying to @TheOnion

        @TheOnion Christ, I thought that story would never fucking end!

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. maryann‏ @maryannmom 13 Nov 2015
        Replying to @TheOnion

        @TheOnion I don't know who you people are, but you are sociological gods.

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. Louis Stoner Hume‏ @hume_louis 13 Nov 2015
        Replying to @TheOnion

        @TheOnion Yeah those Damn microwave ovens take so long. It's enough to ruin your whole day having to wait two minutes for your lunch.

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. Fred‏ @Fredd_VO 13 Nov 2015
        Replying to @TheOnion

        @TheOnion dam right!

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. Radha‏ @lemon_meringues 13 Nov 2015
        Replying to @TheOnion

        @TheOnion Best yet!

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. Carson Miller‏ @CarsonMiller__ 13 Nov 2015
        Replying to @TheOnion

        @TheOnion @JakeMarlow17

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. rchrd grvr‏ @richardgroover 13 Nov 2015
        Replying to @TheOnion

        @TheOnion TL;DR

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. resting lich face‏ @MudblodCatholic 13 Nov 2015
        Replying to @TheOnion

        #thestruggleisreal “@TheOnion: Everything Taking Too Long http://onion.com/1Sp4Yjh  pic.twitter.com/mdjw1bYBaC”

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo

    Loading seems to be taking a while.

    Twitter may be over capacity or experiencing a momentary hiccup. Try again or visit Twitter Status for more information.

      Promoted Tweet

      false

      • © 2018 Twitter
      • About
      • Help Center
      • Terms
      • Privacy policy
      • Cookies
      • Ads info