Theaters are now using real butter on seat cushion stains and floor residue http://onion.com/1J6tqjq pic.twitter.com/GuIgWIj3Mm
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Theaters are now using real butter on seat cushion stains and floor residue http://onion.com/1J6tqjq pic.twitter.com/GuIgWIj3Mm
@TheOnion I'm thinking charging $14 for a ticket and then $14 for a popcorn and small drink might be part of their problem...
“@TheOnion: How Theaters Are Trying To Win Back Moviegoers http://onion.com/1KREUwX pic.twitter.com/XqeprrtpI6”
@TheOnion
Employees available for rent on date night for dateless patrons. Hand-holding: $4 for 1st minute, $1/minute thereafter.
@TheOnion
- Public executions of patrons whose cell phones go off during films.
@TheOnion By playing at least one decent movie at all times.
@TheOnion The Street Fighter point is actually a good suggestion...
@TheOnion
- Discount Wednesdays: Only 500% mark-up on concessions!
@TheOnion wait. The Street Fighter is an actual good suggestion
@TheOnion
It's cool, I know Brad.
@TheOnion 4D porn films
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