Skip to content
  • Home Home Home, current page.
  • Moments Moments Moments, current page.

Saved searches

  • Remove
  • In this conversation
    Verified accountProtected Tweets @
Suggested users
  • Verified accountProtected Tweets @
  • Verified accountProtected Tweets @
  • Language: English
    • Bahasa Indonesia
    • Bahasa Melayu
    • Català
    • Čeština
    • Dansk
    • Deutsch
    • English UK
    • Español
    • Filipino
    • Français
    • Hrvatski
    • Italiano
    • Magyar
    • Nederlands
    • Norsk
    • Polski
    • Português
    • Română
    • Slovenčina
    • Suomi
    • Svenska
    • Tiếng Việt
    • Türkçe
    • Ελληνικά
    • Български език
    • Русский
    • Српски
    • Українська мова
    • עִבְרִית
    • العربية
    • فارسی
    • मराठी
    • हिन्दी
    • বাংলা
    • ગુજરાતી
    • தமிழ்
    • ಕನ್ನಡ
    • ภาษาไทย
    • 한국어
    • 日本語
    • 简体中文
    • 繁體中文
  • Have an account? Log in
    Have an account?
    · Forgot password?

    New to Twitter?
    Sign up
TheOnion's profile
The Onion
The Onion
The Onion
Verified account
@TheOnion

Tweets

The OnionVerified account

@TheOnion

America's Finest News Source.

theonion.com
Joined March 2008

Tweets

  • © 2018 Twitter
  • About
  • Help Center
  • Terms
  • Privacy policy
  • Cookies
  • Ads info
Dismiss
Previous
Next

Go to a person's profile

Saved searches

  • Remove
  • In this conversation
    Verified accountProtected Tweets @
Suggested users
  • Verified accountProtected Tweets @
  • Verified accountProtected Tweets @

Promote this Tweet

Block

  • Tweet with a location

    You can add location information to your Tweets, such as your city or precise location, from the web and via third-party applications. You always have the option to delete your Tweet location history. Learn more

    Your lists

    Create a new list


    Under 100 characters, optional

    Privacy

    Copy link to Tweet

    Embed this Tweet

    Embed this Video

    Add this Tweet to your website by copying the code below. Learn more

    Add this video to your website by copying the code below. Learn more

    Hmm, there was a problem reaching the server.

    By embedding Twitter content in your website or app, you are agreeing to the Twitter Developer Agreement and Developer Policy.

    Preview

    Why you're seeing this ad

    Log in to Twitter

    · Forgot password?
    Don't have an account? Sign up »

    Sign up for Twitter

    Not on Twitter? Sign up, tune into the things you care about, and get updates as they happen.

    Sign up
    Have an account? Log in »

    Two-way (sending and receiving) short codes:

    Country Code For customers of
    United States 40404 (any)
    Canada 21212 (any)
    United Kingdom 86444 Vodafone, Orange, 3, O2
    Brazil 40404 Nextel, TIM
    Haiti 40404 Digicel, Voila
    Ireland 51210 Vodafone, O2
    India 53000 Bharti Airtel, Videocon, Reliance
    Indonesia 89887 AXIS, 3, Telkomsel, Indosat, XL Axiata
    Italy 4880804 Wind
    3424486444 Vodafone
    » See SMS short codes for other countries

    Confirmation

     

    Welcome home!

    This timeline is where you’ll spend most of your time, getting instant updates about what matters to you.

    Tweets not working for you?

    Hover over the profile pic and click the Following button to unfollow any account.

    Say a lot with a little

    When you see a Tweet you love, tap the heart — it lets the person who wrote it know you shared the love.

    Spread the word

    The fastest way to share someone else’s Tweet with your followers is with a Retweet. Tap the icon to send it instantly.

    Join the conversation

    Add your thoughts about any Tweet with a Reply. Find a topic you’re passionate about, and jump right in.

    Learn the latest

    Get instant insight into what people are talking about now.

    Get more of what you love

    Follow more accounts to get instant updates about topics you care about.

    Find what's happening

    See the latest conversations about any topic instantly.

    Never miss a Moment

    Catch up instantly on the best stories happening as they unfold.

    The Onion‏Verified account @TheOnion 2 Jun 2015

    TSA Agents To Now Simply Stand At Checkpoints And Remind Passengers That We All Die Someday http://onion.com/1Id7kAD pic.twitter.com/31scSPjOQw

    11:42 AM - 2 Jun 2015
    • 1,398 Retweets
    • 1,742 Likes
    • Catherine Lowe Patty / Azzarinne daya Annmarie Sharber Crista Mitchel Natalie Castello Eliza 🗝️FeralBat /'\^._.^/'\ لا mc@spacer: ~$
    24 replies 1,398 retweets 1,742 likes
      1.  🌊 ⚓Laissez les bon temps rouler ⚓ 🌊‏ @RiderBabe52 2 Jun 2015
        Replying to @TheOnion

        @TheOnion and they probably screw up THAT job too! (hee hee hee)

        0 replies 0 retweets 4 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. Quarx‏ @Jenny_Quarx 2 Jun 2015
        Replying to @TheOnion

        @TheOnion Finally they're doing something useful.

        0 replies 0 retweets 2 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. Colten Savage‏ @coolten_savage 3 Jun 2015
        Replying to @TheOnion

        @TheOnion @themaskedsquawk

        0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. Allie‏ @manicallie 2 Jun 2015
        Replying to @TheOnion

        @TheOnion and a "God be with you" would be lovely. ;)

        0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. Inconvenient Truths‏ @JonTtRx 2 Jun 2015
        Replying to @TheOnion

        @TheOnion @fredric_wertham Sounds legit. They started this last year from my experience.

        0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. C. D. Browne Ph.D., D.D.‏ @Cdbrow1 2 Jun 2015
        Replying to @TheOnion

        @TheOnion Could at least have them hand out that Hari Krishna literature

        0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. Scott Bergstrom‏ @scottb80 2 Jun 2015
        Replying to @TheOnion

        @TheOnion if true I'd fly again

        0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. Samuel Jeffries‏ @Blackbelt_sam 2 Jun 2015
        Replying to @TheOnion

        @TheOnion sounds better than their current job

        0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. New conversation
      2. AMERICAN ST. NICK 🎖‏ @AmericanStNick 2 Jun 2015
        Replying to @TheOnion

        @TheOnion TSA: isn't that where law enforcement rejects' careers go to die?

        1 reply 0 retweets 1 like
      3. 1 more reply
      1. Michael Rodgers‏ @michaelpolzu 3 Jun 2015
        Replying to @TheOnion

        @TheOnion if only real life were this funny. http://michael.polzu.com/2015/06/02/should-the-tsa-be-abolished-poll/ …

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. Former Bubble-head‏ @tmelitta50 2 Jun 2015
        Replying to @TheOnion

        @TheOnion I Hates that rabbit

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. Tate McKenzie‏ @TateMcKenzie 2 Jun 2015
        Replying to @TheOnion

        @TheOnion

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. Rudy Richter‏ @rudyrichter 2 Jun 2015
        Replying to @TheOnion

        @TheOnion why not just have a sign that says that? @geekable

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. Zobewan‏ @ZeeMarty 2 Jun 2015
        Replying to @TheOnion

        @TheOnion this is what happens when an org systematically replaces full time committed, proficient, and dedicated personnel with part timers

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. heathervescent‏ @heathervescent 2 Jun 2015
        Replying to @TheOnion

        I already have this PreCheck card MT @TheOnion TSA Agents To Stand At Checkpoints & Remind Passengers That We All Diehttp://onion.com/1Id7kAD 

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1.  ▫️ ◻️Colette von  ◻️ ▫️‏ @colettevon 2 Jun 2015
        Replying to @TheOnion

        @TheOnion hahaha thank you for that lol

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. Joseph Mason‏ @LordNishar 2 Jun 2015
        Replying to @TheOnion

        @TheOnion Hey, they do catch people 5% of the time.

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. penn gwynn‏ @DRH_FLA 2 Jun 2015
        Replying to @TheOnion

        @TheOnion and no water past the gate.

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo

    Loading seems to be taking a while.

    Twitter may be over capacity or experiencing a momentary hiccup. Try again or visit Twitter Status for more information.

      Promoted Tweet

      false

      • © 2018 Twitter
      • About
      • Help Center
      • Terms
      • Privacy policy
      • Cookies
      • Ads info