Skip to content
  • Home Home Home, current page.
  • Moments Moments Moments, current page.

Saved searches

  • Remove
  • In this conversation
    Verified accountProtected Tweets @
Suggested users
  • Verified accountProtected Tweets @
  • Verified accountProtected Tweets @
  • Language: English
    • Bahasa Indonesia
    • Bahasa Melayu
    • Català
    • Čeština
    • Dansk
    • Deutsch
    • English UK
    • Español
    • Filipino
    • Français
    • Hrvatski
    • Italiano
    • Magyar
    • Nederlands
    • Norsk
    • Polski
    • Português
    • Română
    • Slovenčina
    • Suomi
    • Svenska
    • Tiếng Việt
    • Türkçe
    • Ελληνικά
    • Български език
    • Русский
    • Српски
    • Українська мова
    • עִבְרִית
    • العربية
    • فارسی
    • मराठी
    • हिन्दी
    • বাংলা
    • ગુજરાતી
    • தமிழ்
    • ಕನ್ನಡ
    • ภาษาไทย
    • 한국어
    • 日本語
    • 简体中文
    • 繁體中文
  • Have an account? Log in
    Have an account?
    · Forgot password?

    New to Twitter?
    Sign up
TheOnion's profile
The Onion
The Onion
The Onion
Verified account
@TheOnion

Tweets

The OnionVerified account

@TheOnion

America's Finest News Source.

theonion.com
Joined March 2008

Tweets

  • © 2018 Twitter
  • About
  • Help Center
  • Terms
  • Privacy policy
  • Cookies
  • Ads info
Dismiss
Previous
Next

Go to a person's profile

Saved searches

  • Remove
  • In this conversation
    Verified accountProtected Tweets @
Suggested users
  • Verified accountProtected Tweets @
  • Verified accountProtected Tweets @

Promote this Tweet

Block

  • Tweet with a location

    You can add location information to your Tweets, such as your city or precise location, from the web and via third-party applications. You always have the option to delete your Tweet location history. Learn more

    Your lists

    Create a new list


    Under 100 characters, optional

    Privacy

    Copy link to Tweet

    Embed this Tweet

    Embed this Video

    Add this Tweet to your website by copying the code below. Learn more

    Add this video to your website by copying the code below. Learn more

    Hmm, there was a problem reaching the server.

    By embedding Twitter content in your website or app, you are agreeing to the Twitter Developer Agreement and Developer Policy.

    Preview

    Why you're seeing this ad

    Log in to Twitter

    · Forgot password?
    Don't have an account? Sign up »

    Sign up for Twitter

    Not on Twitter? Sign up, tune into the things you care about, and get updates as they happen.

    Sign up
    Have an account? Log in »

    Two-way (sending and receiving) short codes:

    Country Code For customers of
    United States 40404 (any)
    Canada 21212 (any)
    United Kingdom 86444 Vodafone, Orange, 3, O2
    Brazil 40404 Nextel, TIM
    Haiti 40404 Digicel, Voila
    Ireland 51210 Vodafone, O2
    India 53000 Bharti Airtel, Videocon, Reliance
    Indonesia 89887 AXIS, 3, Telkomsel, Indosat, XL Axiata
    Italy 4880804 Wind
    3424486444 Vodafone
    » See SMS short codes for other countries

    Confirmation

     

    Welcome home!

    This timeline is where you’ll spend most of your time, getting instant updates about what matters to you.

    Tweets not working for you?

    Hover over the profile pic and click the Following button to unfollow any account.

    Say a lot with a little

    When you see a Tweet you love, tap the heart — it lets the person who wrote it know you shared the love.

    Spread the word

    The fastest way to share someone else’s Tweet with your followers is with a Retweet. Tap the icon to send it instantly.

    Join the conversation

    Add your thoughts about any Tweet with a Reply. Find a topic you’re passionate about, and jump right in.

    Learn the latest

    Get instant insight into what people are talking about now.

    Get more of what you love

    Follow more accounts to get instant updates about topics you care about.

    Find what's happening

    See the latest conversations about any topic instantly.

    Never miss a Moment

    Catch up instantly on the best stories happening as they unfold.

    The Onion‏Verified account @TheOnion 8 Dec 2014

    Disheartened Man Expected At Least One Text While Checking Phone After Flight http://onion.com/1z05wn7 pic.twitter.com/1i6cbFi1hn

    10:20 AM - 8 Dec 2014
    • 584 Retweets
    • 861 Likes
    • قنبله N0FUCKINGLUCK Jasmine Bond Carpenter Erica Lasonya Alanis DanielC m perez r hugo olvera Laurie Parres
    19 replies 584 retweets 861 likes
      1. Carbon Leaf‏Verified account @carbonleaf 8 Dec 2014
        Replying to @TheOnion

        Yes “@TheOnion: Disheartened Man Expected At Least One Text While Checking Phone After Flight http://onion.com/1z05wn7  pic.twitter.com/vRjivrLhXL”

        0 replies 1 retweet 2 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. New conversation
      2. Carla Chamorro‏ @CarlaChamorros 8 Dec 2014
        Replying to @TheOnion

        @TheOnion @FusionFrank It's Time For Republican Leaders To Get Up In Front Of The T.V. Cameras And Boldly Tell The Truth About Obama

        1 reply 0 retweets 0 likes
      3. Frank  ❌‏ @FusionFrank 8 Dec 2014
        Replying to @CarlaChamorros

        @CarlaChamorros @TheOnion I could not agree more

        0 replies 1 retweet 1 like
      4. End of conversation
      1. New conversation
      2. Hazza‏ @hazzabooth 8 Dec 2014
        Replying to @TheOnion

        “@TheOnion: Disheartened Man Expected At Least One Text While Checking Phone After Flight http://onion.com/1z05wn7 " this is so us @Vicki__Lou

        1 reply 0 retweets 1 like
      3. Vicki Booth‏ @Vicki__Lou 8 Dec 2014
        Replying to @hazzabooth

        @hazzabooth 😂 two weeks in England, one text message each when we land #classic

        0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
      4. End of conversation
      1. One-Dimensional‏ @OneDimensional 8 Dec 2014
        Replying to @TheOnion

        @TheOnion what a puss. I would have been stoked.

        0 replies 0 retweets 1 like
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. goateecowboy‏ @goateecowboy 26 Jul 2016
        Replying to @TheOnion

        @LParres That's got email specifics on what erectile dysfunction is really like from the old man written all over it.

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. Eric King‏ @econstantinek 9 Dec 2014
        Replying to @TheOnion

        @TheOnion ha!

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. Augustus Chiasson‏ @maisbenoui 8 Dec 2014
        Replying to @TheOnion

        @TheOnion i feel a deep connection with you, disheartened man

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. Daniel Briglia‏ @daniel_briglia 8 Dec 2014
        Replying to @TheOnion

        @TheOnion this is me

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. Bernhard Luecke‏ @Luecke_Bernhard 8 Dec 2014
        Replying to @TheOnion

        “@TheOnion: Disheartened Man Expected At Least One Text While Checking Phone After Flight http://onion.com/1z05wn7  pic.twitter.com/3ylS5gF1BR”

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. New conversation
      2.  🍂 👻 claire!!  👻 🍂‏ @claireexample 8 Dec 2014
        Replying to @TheOnion

        @TheOnion @grindlator subtweet much?

        1 reply 0 retweets 0 likes
      3. Leo Gorgonzola‏ @BiologicBlooper 8 Dec 2014
        Replying to @claireexample

        @garrettwg @TheOnion who did I subtweet?

        1 reply 0 retweets 0 likes
      4.  🍂 👻 claire!!  👻 🍂‏ @claireexample 8 Dec 2014
        Replying to @BiologicBlooper

        @grindlator Subconsciously trying to guilt trip me into texting you. I see your game.

        1 reply 0 retweets 0 likes
      5. Leo Gorgonzola‏ @BiologicBlooper 8 Dec 2014
        Replying to @claireexample

        @garrettwg I don’t think Subtweet means what you think it means. I have no ulterior motives. I… got… nothin…. #confused

        1 reply 0 retweets 0 likes
      6.  🍂 👻 claire!!  👻 🍂‏ @claireexample 8 Dec 2014
        Replying to @BiologicBlooper

        @grindlator I'm just messing with you.

        1 reply 0 retweets 0 likes
      7. Leo Gorgonzola‏ @BiologicBlooper 8 Dec 2014
        Replying to @claireexample

        @garrettwg dude - subtweeting is a high crime on the TwitterBox…

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
      8. End of conversation
      1. Scott‏ @scottk1350 8 Dec 2014
        Replying to @TheOnion

        @TheOnion he was not expecting a 'dear John' text..

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo
      1. Andy McLean‏ @Andy_McLean 8 Dec 2014
        Replying to @TheOnion

        @TheOnion I always get a txt! From the mobile network.. :( #BillyNoMates

        0 replies 0 retweets 0 likes
        Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. Undo
        Undo

    Loading seems to be taking a while.

    Twitter may be over capacity or experiencing a momentary hiccup. Try again or visit Twitter Status for more information.

      Promoted Tweet

      false

      • © 2018 Twitter
      • About
      • Help Center
      • Terms
      • Privacy policy
      • Cookies
      • Ads info